Sunday, April 29, 2007

listening to the song on joycee's blog. kept refreshing the page for that purpose. it kept me emo through tonight.

was browsing through someone else's friendster and his 'about me' stood too close my heart and kinda melt it. im certain anyone who reads it can sense his sincerity.

"i know you wish i were a better looking man
and that you hope i'll change over time
well, you're not too perfect yourself, my dear
so let me tell you with this rhyme.

i know when you're playing on me,
and thats something i just hate.
with your baby face and pouty lips,
you sure know how to manipulate.

you push your way through a crowded mall,
as if you're a scorpion with a stinger.
yet so many times when we're at home,
to help me you won't even lift a finger.

your high heels tell me that you're short,
while ballet flats tell me you're true.
so whats with double eyelids and false lashes,
do they make the world look perfect to you?

your artsy pals are gay and unique,
but don't get upset if i steer clear.
i'd rather hang out with manly men,
than air-kiss your friends who are queer.

i'm the 'break glass in case of emergency' guy,
cause you know i'll always be there.
but where were you when i needed you?
now babe, is that really fair?

the expensive lingerie you buy at La Senza,
makes me howl because you look so sexy.
but don't you know you'll look piping hot,
in nothing more than my Man-U jersey?

above everything else, for all that i've written
you know i love you with all my might.
and if this poem doesn't change your mind,
go read Men Are From Mars tonight!"

wells~ i guess im missing my king. my mum was saying that all my sleepless nights are caused by him. could that be? maybe is the other way round? haha i believe is going on both ways. :)
I MISS YOU. i hate these nights without you. even when im laughing, it was just a hollow airy laugh. spending the starry night all alone is so not desirable. thats why i say, your true thoughts and feelings flow best in the night.

san signs off. 1:44 AM
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Thursday, April 26, 2007

must be in bed soon, tomorrow is my finance exam. hope i've did enough practice (i know it will never be sufficient though) to get good result for this module.

just suddenly feel like blogging.

that day chatting with don online, suddenly i realised im already 22. im no longer 21. im still very much laid back in last year ba. alittle startled that im reaching this age so fast. and im still studying~

i needa do something for myself when i graduate man! I WILL. hees ;) sleeping time. have a great day my dear. muacks.

san signs off. 11:32 PM
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

ever since i was at changi, i didnt shed a single tear. i've been putting up a perky self infront of everybody. last night, it could have been at my brim of tolerance, i i ran into my room and i cried. letting all out does relieve my weary soul and i thought this cry will put me to a sound sleep. boy, i was wrong. worse still, i woke up with a stiff neck and a pair of swollen eyes.

my dearie, i wish to hear more of the missing-me you.

san signs off. 11:15 AM
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Sunday, April 22, 2007

"thankew my dearest peow." with love.

i received a card from him. it must have been posted out before he left. i almost cry again when i read it. this sweet gesture brought me to a pleasant sleep.

i wish everything can be fastforwarded.

san signs off. 1:14 PM
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Saturday, April 21, 2007

received his first call. i literally flew to my room when i heard my phone rang. it was midnight over his side, thought he wouldnt have called but still he surprised me.

i get rather restless after he left. i'm lethargic all day long. i loathe to know i have to revise. i used to finish a stack of notes within a few hours. now, i'm using a few hours to finish just a chapter of notes. my brother calls me the slacker! oh yeah, i think i am.

i wanna sing!

san signs off. 3:35 PM
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Friday, April 20, 2007

goodbye my dear.

i thought i wouldnt cry this time since we've been together for quite a long while. but still, i did. few hours before his departure, i cried in his arms. wouldn't know how much it hurts until the time draws nearer.

i've no mood to study at all. my mind is in a whirl. i hate to concentrate when i simply have too many things on mind. :(

there is a staggering fear in me. making me on tenterhooks. like what i've told junie on the bus, i can't get over with it. the question is, when can i?

peow's car is available for my use, but i'm kinda not so confident to drive, after all that is not my car. but i believe i will drive out for a day or two. thats the only thing that hypers my mood now.

"i miss you leh. HOW."

san signs off. 2:11 PM
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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

exams, i dont quite like all of you. in simple terms, i kinda hate you. they are very capable of driving me nuts.

desperate. i can't get my head down to those notes.

gonna be sad. he's flying off on friday. he got the date wrong and so, i postpone my tears to fri.

I WANT COMFORT.

san signs off. 4:04 PM
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Friday, April 13, 2007

didn't had dig cam with me these days and wont have it till peow is back from US. he's leaving this coming wed, morning flight. :

yesterday evening, ktv-ing with junie at clementi. my dearest lei didn't reply junie so she didn't join us after all. getting really hard to get everybody to meet up, thats the trouble of growing up. we dont see such prob when we were in poly, do we? but it also makes all these gatherings more meaningful than ever. and my sweetest darling junie, thanks for lastnight. :) u are forever this sweet.

peow brought me to this PS restaurant&bar at dempsey road. the ambience there is really condusive, it easily get the both of us engaged in some emo-conversation. unless you've car, think is gonna be alittle tricky to get in and out of that place. out of PS r&b, the place looks rather errie actually. i didn't dare to open my eyes to look into those vacant houses, seeing some not-supposed-to-be-there images gonna make me scream! enjoyed throughout the night. funniest sentence: "when ni chi bao bao le, dont quarrel with me hor". haha he said that to me before tucking in. he said that was my typical 'style'. maybe is true~, hah only he will know.

i'm gonna miss him alot.

san signs off. 4:41 PM
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

most should have expected this. that my last two postings were just momentary.

somethings are still bothering me in other areas. i knew it when i kept dreaming things that revolve around the same issue. :( i can't get over it, can't i?

san signs off. 4:22 PM
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Saturday, April 07, 2007

you dont know how it feels when one says out my inner thoughts without me uttering a word. yes, thats my brother. i'm so grateful to have this family, i really unsure what will happen to me if they are taken away.

each word i explained to him triggers my tear. but i held these tears within me, i shan't cry over spilled milk. one thing that he said was right, i was the one who allow such situation to be possible. i never learn to protect myself because i'm always too trusting. it feels really good to have someone who understands me so well and not having prejudice while he trys to make me feel better. it was really scary to always having myself to accept your biased judgement. objectively, u've no wrong and momentarily, i believe everything is predestined. if it was arranged to be in this way, nothing can change the outcome, maybe all can be altered is the process. a sudden enlightenment dawns on me. if u need to try so hard to prevent and yet the outcome remains the same all these while, it says u should just stop trying.

i blog this time because i felt really really consoled to know my brother knows me so well. and my family always know when i'm sad. maybe some will say because i'm too expressive and emotional. but yet again, not everyone spot it and that may include you. i feel safe when i'm with them. i always thought you are just like them, even when you said i could be myself before you, even when you said u like who i am, things just occur in the reverse. time says for everything and our affinity is only this much, i guess i can only wish for the best for you from now on.

san signs off. 11:03 PM
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as much as i would like things to stay the way they were, i should learn that many things are not subject to my likings.

was heartwrenching to re-acknowledge your biased judgement towards me. most of the times, the one who was the closest to you is the one who is capable of hurting you the most. i would learn. and i will not turn my head back again because i exposed myself to too many chances to letting myself down.

everything happens for a reason. each time it happens i reminded myself that many would regret once you lose it, hence i held it tight and never wanting to let go. but as my grip grew tighter each time, the pain grew each time. this time the reason could be our time is up and any delay will just erase the previous sweetsandsour.

san signs off. 7:20 PM
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