Sunday, August 29, 2004

Must add mUst ADd!!

About to leave TCC became a disaster huh~~!! One of the waitor, of course it's a guy, lost balance with his tray and there it goes.. My sweetie's adidas white top was stained with some brown spots on his back. His bermudas can't escaped from the fate of getting dirty as well. Haha. Lucky for that waitor, we didn't make a big fuss out of it. But thinking about it, shouldn't they be doing service recovery? Like compensating us?? Nothing of those sort they did. Sounds like Total Quality Management's partial notes huh~ *chuckles* That waitor should thank Jun for my poised attitude immediately after the incident. 'coz hearing Jun's experience, don't wanna let that trainee. i supposed, to be in a tight spot. So nice of me right?? haha. San is a evil person okay.. Everyone should know~~~ =p

*Thanks to Ben*
If not for your good washing clothing skill, my dear won't get back his whitEy shirt.. =) Daph, look at how fortunate you are to have such a good househusband in the future..! *laughs out loud*

san signs off. 4:26 PM
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Absolutely 2thumbs up for 13 Going On 30! *borrow sp's 2thumbs too* =p so it'll be 4thumbs up. Beautiful storyline. True reflection of people when they grew older. Their dreams may grow with time so well. Yet leaving their real self behind time, forgetting who they are, what they need and getting so superficial materistically. When you realise your life is only about work, flirtitious nights, immoral inputs and sex; it's no more life. Deficiency of family's love, buddies' encouragement&listening ears and all their constructive advices when you finally get sober, it's extremely terrifying. Precisely when we are into the social university everyone is a sham. Using each other will be a better phrase rather than saying we are friends. The leading female character, Jenne is so like me. Her character, her inspiration in life, her drive to achieve them fits myself in the show so nicely. Yep, she got everything she wanted since she was 13. Yet, in the fulfilling path, she lost more than what she has gained. Her stubborness and her daring self, led my tears down my cheek. Just a few drops. Considering myself lucky, to have my sweetest beloved honey sp by my side, cuddling me. There's still him. So in love with him. So in love with you honey~~ *kiSskiSs*

He was off form the whole day while playing tennis. I think it's caused by his tiredness. And he admitted he was distracted because I was around. =p Happy to hear that though. Anways, great day we had other than his off standard tennis. Went TCC with ben&daph. Sp&I ordered quite alot. Haha. To me, i pretty like them, other than the raspberry latte!! It sucks~!! Tasted like panadol according to ben, like coughing syrup according to sp&daph. Destroy the last bit of my appetite for it. In the end, under my oppression, sp drank it all up. He doesn't really fancy spices-taste like main course&snacks there. Taste okay to me. But guess we won't be going there again. =X Deciding to go cafe cartel the next time we have our tennis session again. Sentosa outing on 18thsept?? That will be if I recall correctly. Great great great. Looking forward.

NExt week, his off day is on sunday. 'coz he's having the constituency match on that day. I'm in the mixed doubles which I don't pin much hope to win. But hopefully there'll be miracle huh~~ *god bless*

Later meeting him for dinner. Knocking off at 730pm today. *yearning to see him*

san signs off. 12:15 PM
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Friday, August 27, 2004

Who will rather a gloomy self than a bubbly one? I guess nobody will make such a dimwit choice huh~ Yet things get out of hand and just have to live with it. Wanna do something very much to cheer up that little gurl junniE. Give it a try at Ritz's interview or stick to your TA is all up to you. Don't tilt down your chin and frown. *smilEs* No one will ever knows what's gonna happen till you try and it has happen. Anyways, come up with a finalised one that ya most comfortable with. San'll support ya~~ muAckSs Have all the fun during scuBA!! Heez, i know she can't read this 'coz she is away for this long awaited fun already. Take care& here your fren praying for your safety!! ^_*

Now in a dilemma. Should I go to Korea? Which cost like 900bucks for the accommodation air-tickets and those basics. Sounds reasonable for a 1week trip definitely. However, for a no rich gurl, it's something. Gotta fork another about 400bucks for the expenses over there. Total up it's adding up to $1300?? GosH~! Not saying I couldn't afford it, but still gotta persuade my mummy and consider their feelings. Their thinking are my main concern right now. Still can't figure out how to bring the matter up to my mummy. Haiz. -sighing HARD- If I don't go this once, I'll have very little chance to in the near future. But should I or should I not?? Anyone out there can give me some decent valuable adviceS? I need to listen~~~~

Today went for Ritz interview. The place is quite secluded in some sense. 'coz it's not easy to look for. =P I'm lousy lahh okieee.. haha. It's a good turn out. Blessing in disguise that I'm present for it. They offer more than F&B!!! What a news to receive yah~~ Keke. *TOo happy* My eloquence was a good assistance for this interview i gotta say. *giggles* Really on my knee, hoping i'll get into it. Then I can be in the front desk, in the elegant professional uniform, servicing those guests. Totally excited. Then 600bucks, meal provided. Great!! Can save quite alot you know. Haa.

He was unhappy today. I know it very well what's the reason. Shan't reveal. Lost. Very much lost. How am I suppose to make my love happier when I'm not? This time I can see myself indulging into it seriously. Will consider small little things that I won't when I was still with him. Make a thorough thought before deciding on something, just wanna relieve his load alittle. But I reckon he isn't sharing the same sentiment. Instead, he feels I'm not trying to help, only capable of creating more for him to shoulder. How sad is it. Can it be worse? Perhaps so. Irregardless what, I know this time I've tried my very best to make his everyday a good one. I tried. So even if it's to no avail, guess nothing much i could help too. Even if you think I'm childish, that's just me. Just Sandra.

My heart's crying. Groaning loud and clear. I could catch every word comprehensively. Yet only me is capable of that. No one else did. So much to an extent, I want somebody to listen to it. But there is no one. Apparently, no one.

san signs off. 11:00 PM
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Thursday, August 26, 2004

Sucks big time! What i typed is gone. Sux

ArGhhh~~ he is depressed. Im upset. Monotonous everyday pace puts him off. His keen-ness in playing tennis drives him crazy. Don't know how to go about brightening his day. Saddened.

In this present lesson, I'm totally bored. Pure boredness. With no one beside ya to crap~ *missing my SPTC peeps* Where are you guys? Benny should have sit in huh~ =P Wondering whether has his mood turn for the better.. .. He is so much concern over tennis issues and whatever matters.

I wanna set free. Spread my wings flying above clouds in the sky. Entice the carefree-ness of wind blowing in all directions. Breathing in pure concentrated freedom air.

Life simply sucks. I hate it.

Qiqi, hope ya tummy is getting less painful~ muAcks for you. HUg pillow to sleep before your sweetie is there =)

Cheer up baby~!

Tennis is not everything. Pleasuring in whatever you do is to bring yourself longterm joy.

san signs off. 3:10 PM
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Poor Benny~ Always wait for we gurls getting ready in the clubhouse. That's if he's lucky enough, if not somewhere in school without cooling air-condition? =P So yeah, his waiting skill is put into practice one more time. Hahaa.. Sansan reached at roughly 140pm i guess. So tennis court and tennis balls, there we went taking up the challenge!!

Today's game, is meant for releasing my frustration. Hitting harder&harder&harder. Missing a ball or hitting it wrongly and you'll hear.. .. "F! Fuck" Weird thing is that when ya upset or what, you'll play better? kEkeez.. No comment for that. Played pretty continously for 3hours. Anyways, finally see that Joyceee who has went MIA for like 1week? Take care guRl, don't get too stressed out over your tests&projects. Let your smiles bland away all unhappiness. Tame the lethal r/s bomb~

JunniE~ vexing problem you have. Whether to move one step forward or retreat is what ya hesitating right now, isn't it? If she's your bestest friend, one of these days she'll see the whole picture with a much clearer view when her emotions don't get better of her. =) At least you have a friend who bothers your presence. Cherish her&sees it in a more optimistic view yahh.. Your that ai-xin bottle will stay in your heart forever, so don't take it too hard too. muAckiEs!

san signs off. 8:41 PM
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Supposingly San's in school by9am. There is always a but in San's dictionary. *tougue out* Another dreamy night with lotsa ridiculous scenes robbing my sleep away. Unsettled thoughts and stormy brainwaves. Calm nothing down&there I was awake subconsciously at 5plus in the freaking early morning. Throat's not letting me off even though knowing my head is already a culprit that's added burden to my body. Bottled a few glasses of warm water into my sickly throat and icy water as well, hoping to relieve the sore pain-ness. Fingers of mine started pressing onto the so-called weird keypad of my hp. Entered Send to ******** this well-memorised8-digit no. Will this number ever be erased from my 1st-class memory box? A question I've asked myself, yet I don't wish to have an answer. Or there isn't any definite answer.

It's so effortless for people to say, "As long as we are happy, why brood over those discontented issues?" If god has meant to make life an uncomplicated one, if god hasn't make a sport on man, if god hasn't try hard in letting us human being to have a real taste of Life.. We will be trouble-free. Facing the music. Obstacles are meant to be overcomed. Difficulties&hardships pop up in our life for a single purpose. To let us grow stronger. And that's IF we manage to survive through those ordeals. Not pointing towards r/s particularly. But to everything. One of my classmates has neglected her accademic due to her family problems. It's easy for us as outsider to give countless advices&opinions. But me myself understand she has the biggest test to pass. It is to get over with her own will. She just gotta be strong, if not it will undoubtedly pull her future deep into the drain. May her faith in Christianity pulls her through. *smilEs*

Not attending a whole day lessons. The very first thought came to my mind - spend it with sp. But he's not who I think he was anymore. A student, definitely out of the picture. Gave him a call, knowing he has a tennis training before working. That's how packed his schedule is. Can't go to Gilare with jun qi lei. Have ultra fun yeah gUrls~!! =)

If you were to question me, ain't ya disaapointed that he is always not with you when your heart's seriously calling out his name? Positive disenchantment. However, since I've chose this path, i'll continue walking. 'coz my heart simply tells me to. I wanna be happy as much as I wish to do so.

But Am I smiling?

*wondering*

Tennis at 3pm. Laters people. *winks*

san signs off. 10:33 AM
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Monday, August 23, 2004

My brain announced -temporaily out of service- when I was in school. He drive me there. As he left, as I entered mlt10, I don't seem to be sentient of what's happening. Till I departed, there I was on the mrt, then there my brain shows -back for service-.. Totally, I can't 100% recall things that had taken place while I'm in school at all.
What makes me say all these?
'coz I thought he hasn't sms for the whole morning&noon. But in actual fact, he did. Just that my head memory inbox forgets to register it. Which I can't fathom the reason why. Only until I look at my message inbox. And only then I get the idea. The idea of I wasn't being forgotten. =P Guess I'm suffering from In-School-Short.Memory-Sympton *Laughs*

Went to citylink with qiqi. Got that long-sleeved collar pinkish top at Series. Never did I knew it was actually 39.90! When I was about to pay, the sight of $39.90 on the cash register indeed freshened my mind instaneously! Still got it though it doesn't worth the price in my point of view. Since it looks good on me (which is I think "P), might as well get guilty for this once huh~ keKEz.. Got some cakes&puffs at Polar. Went back to Dover. Took a bus down to Queensway shopping center that is much more convenient rather than alighting at queenstown station. It's as if the shopping center has became my 2nd home. Gave those foodies to his aunt. She was kind enough not to charge me, or should i say sp? *laughs out loud* So anyways, got it for her and should be sufficient for the 2workers there too. Hearing from sp, his aunt praised me. Of course, it gave a big knock to my sleepy mood on the long bus journey home. Smiling I went.. *grins*

Are we supposed to categorize our friends? *pondering* Who are my friends? Or should I put it in this way. Who are my genuine friends? Those who will be there when I need a word of consolation or a pair of listening ears? Right now, no names wave up. So sad to reckon this fact. Still, have to admit I haven't been having a needy friend for a very long while since I lost one. Since I lost one ages ago when I first enter poly. Pretty saddening. Friends I have quite a bundle. Good friends. Hmm. A handful. True needy friends. None for now. Got hurt and felt betrayed in the past. Making me hard to really go into a real friendship. So whenever I thought she/he is a good friend, that's where the progress ended. I can't push myself to get closer. Subconsciously, I'm still a loser in this area. Conversations with my classmaties will suddenly got cut off by my brain at times. Immediate mouth shut by me and that's it for MY noisy session. Perhaps I have more to do to persuade myself in trusting this thing called 'friendship' once more. Pretty hard. Right now, life isn't so bad after all.. *trying to make myself feel better*

Yeah babies! stay happie always~ like what it is right now. *smilEs alwaYs*

san signs off. 10:20 PM
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Sunday, August 22, 2004

Awakened. Another dream marathon night. Other than the night spent out with him, almost every night of this week I haven't been enjoying a dreamless wink. Dreams may be unrealistic. However, it indicates something hidden. My buried thoughts interrupted a pleasant sleeping session. *Inhaled&Exhaled soundly*

The first 31 days of our romance has signed off today. This one month wrote a new page for my life phase. Sweetness Sorrows laughters frowns silentness. Another individualistic Unique&Irreplaceable memories. This is what love has brought us. A hectic guy like sp, taking up the role as his gurl isn't an easy task, 'coz it requires tons of understanding-ness. It became even tougher when the gurl is me. Sandra. Lowering down my expectation is not the perfect description. I didn't lowered it. It's just that my expectation has faced another direction. I just wanna see efforts. I merely need to feel the importance of my presence in his life. I want to feel loved&doted. A minor effort for this month's anniversary by him. To the very least, he bothered to plan. He can choose not to and giving excuse saying that he's busy working and stuff like that. But he didn't. That's what make me feel.. hMm.. Significant? Significant to him. A small little gift from him. Heart-shaped packaging. With sweet little chocolate tokens in it. Surprisingly, that's what I've craved for. Smart of him I gotta say, he initially sms-ed me to enquire my t-shirt size I normally wear. So naturally I'll think that he's gonna get me a top, isn't it? Haha. And he changed his mind 'coz he knew I knew it. Yep, so I smilEd~ I don't know how to explain. But I simply just like the simplicity of his plan which was tingled with sprinkles of romantic-ness.

I love you honey. Very much to an extent where you have control my temperaments.

Like everyone is aware of, saturday is my tennis day. Played for a few hours under the sorching sun. Some said I'm crazy to play under the hot sun in the warmest peak of the day. But. That's the only period my schedule allows. Got tanner. He prefers me to be fair. But again. Tennis gurls can't be too fair you know. =P Except mony's category of gurls. Just can't get too tan, don't understand why. Maybe she applies loads of sunblock that is pretty effective? *laughing*

Tennis session was over. Early dinner with benny&daph. Then they left, leaving me&sp behind. Osky was actually coming over to Holland Village already but 'coz only leaving we this couple, she intended not to. She said it'll be rather weird. Kinda get what she means so didn't probe. =) We strolled along Holland V and went to its so called air-con shopping center. Spent an hour there i guess and went to west coast. Ginza plaza. Heard of it? Nope for my case. Uninteresting place. Reason is due to he went there with his important gurl before. I'm petty to act in such a way. But again again. I can't help it. -lousy me- I can't make myself not to recall the gurl's unattainable position in his heart. I'm doubtful whether this position is still occupied like in the past or it's vacant right now for my intrusion. I don't know.

We seemed to be walking alot. When came to realise, there is carpark available at the west coast park, we walked back and drove there. He was there with her pretty often when they just started. Shadow casted over the serenity. My thoughts went haywire. And it's another again. Mac and MAc cafe was there. Quite attractive layout they have. Nice~

Strolling in the man-made sanding area was sweet. Looking up into the sky. Watching those unreachable stars that are sparkling brightly. Distance enhanced their enchanting appearance.
For that instant, I really have the gush of emotions to lie on the sand. He hugged me while my head tilted up. Amazingly good feeling filling up in that split second. Wished that moment had last.

Sat down somewhere in the 'couples-zone'. Chatted and chatted. Feeling down since we were in Ginza. He asked, "do you feel that I'm treating you good?" I answered, "okay.. As compared to the others, it should be of the lower grade." He got demoralised. And uttered a very hurtful sentence. "I really felt that's the best and the very usual me to do all these when I'm comfortable, yet it's still the lousiest. Then I don't see the point why we are still going steady." *heart cracking* It bled.

I really feel he is good, he has met the minimum requirement being a boyfriend. There's of course more to expect. Nevertheless, I have to take into consideration, he is no more a young lad with plenty of leisure time to do whatever he want. He is a working adult. He has his dreams in life. He wants to achieve something in life even if it means he is gonna lose something at the same time. That's what attracted me to him in the very very very first place. I will support him. Giving him the strength he needs. Yet again, I'm just afraid to think into the future timeline. I'll freak out seeing no me in his pathway. Sad, yes I am. But not because of anything he has done. Every sadness lies on my thinking. Unlogical it may seem. Still, the thoughts started rolling when insecurity overwhelms. Nothing major affects our love right now. Who knows what'll happen next. We will. When we are experiencing it. Let nature takes its course. He said something very true. Till now, no one dares to promise each other about the future. Perhaps we are very clear that words don't count at all when there's a change of heart or when there is a switch of situation.

As long as he is happy, I've nothing much to lament on.

Gotta study Convention Management notes in an hour's time. Rest awhile first. Great day to you people! *smilEs*

san signs off. 12:13 PM
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Friday, August 20, 2004

A journal was supposed to be on mid-publication way. And the school's PC transmitted a 'communication error' signal. GOne. Fullstop. That's the bad thing about using computer. It gets out of control at times. Beyond our reach of control at times. Whatever 'at times' it is, if we write it into a proper&decent diary, 'at times' is exempted huh~ You guys will agree with it, isn't it? BUt BuT bUT. I'm lazy. Pure laziness explains it all. And perhaps I can't help to say, "I wanna share my thoughts my happiness my grieves with all of you who might be reading.. .." I hate to bottle up my feelings. Pouring it out is good. Sharing your joy is a beautiful part of life. Yep, so that's what I'm doing. *smilEs*

Whole day in school. For one miserable purpose. ATTEND AN 3HRs ELECTIVE. Great huhh~ A choice made last week's led to this week's consequence. Haha. Skipped the previous round b'coz wanna prepare more for FM test then.. yah.. So here we were in the class. A big turn-off to be in school when ya aware quite a few of your friends ain't. A consolation for the day will be learning some new stuff. Not toooooooo bad. =P

Had my early lunch at sp's place. Gave his mum a bottle of calcium supplements. His mummy has been suffering leg aching. Might be due to long hours of standing or olden-ing effect. Whatever it is, just blessingly her pain will be relieved upon the supplement's consumption. *praying* So his parents left to start their western food stall. Having a home-made lunch at a home with your beloved significant one is great sensation experience. If you get what I'm referring. It's like we are in our love nest. A place belonging to only us.
Simply. Sweet.

Shopping mood I had. Shopping spree today. Went Flesh Imp with Lei to get her mini skirtie. In the mindset of helping her to get the 30% off. In the end, I was the one who got it. Why? 'coz mine is cheaper. Haha. Went mango to see what's qiqi n lei's definition of a nice tube. It was pretty attractive. 20bucks and simple design. Most important thing. It's green. Addicted to green-ery beauty huh~~~ *Laugh aloud* Lei got it but I still think I will not be wearing it so had a change of mind. Got 2tops from Topshop.
The biggest Turn-on for the day. Got a Nike classic top. White. Nice. I like it. Then Osyter Meesua plus Fried sliced chicken plus 2 Upsized Ice-tea PLUS delicious.yummy.appetizing totally.heavenly Banana waffle with 2scoops of Wild Strawberry ice-cream and caramel toppings. Let me emphasize! The banana is sandwiched throughout the waffle. It's not mere few slices of banana on top. Anyways, when mony me benny tasted it, we went woAhHhhhh woOoooo.. Heez. Those are the highlights of the day.

I love him. Really is the feelings that count. No reason. I just know for now, he is definitely the one. I don't wanna think too much. Allowing your thoughts running wild is allowing yourself to pick on the grey areas where quarrels' root is lying. So tame your thoughts. It will help. Even if it is running away like mad horses, run heading the happiness moments. And not haywire.

*Eyes getting disobedient* Again. haha. Can't recall when did I ever had an early night. Really lost track of it. But in the midst of losing account to it, I'm debit-ing tons of sweetness&sourness&smiles. Credit-ing loads of tears&grumbles. It may not be perfect to its fullest, yet I'm happier than before. I ascertain.

san signs off. 12:31 AM
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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Is it true that every relationship will not be smooth sailing? Why must it be so.. Irritating fact. Blogging does release my stress. Yet there is more to distress. Pinning a too high hope on somebody is lethal. Poisonous. Slow killing poison I've given myself huh~ Im unhappie. Again. That's really what I hate about myself. Dread it the most to see myself in the mirror without my sugarie smile.

Didn't get the dress that I like too. -Sigh- my mum said the design doesn't worth the money. But I simply love it. Haiz. No money, there's nothing much I can do too. Sadsadsad. Sp can't understand why I'm upset when the dress is not with me.

Hmm.. When he is tired, nothing sensible I'll hear. He won't absorb either.

Not in the mood to continue. Nites.

san signs off. 11:45 PM
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Monday, August 16, 2004

Always bear in mind, don't ever add on fire to someone who is already at the verge of bursting. One of my club fren really succeed in getting on my nerves yesterday. She can't draw a line clearly when her anger is provoked. I would be on her side too, understanding the stress level she is currently facing. However, in life, she just gotta learn to deal her stuff with composure. If not, she's gonna have a real tough time out there. To be a sole survivor, the 1st step to do is at least to earn the respect from the others. I'm not so nasty to myself, won't let my blood boil for too long. Treating such minor issues lightly now. =)

Last night, smooth things out with sp. Frankly, come to think about it, we didn't even squabble~ Just me having down tides. So sweet little him came over to my area to coax his beloved princess~~ Hee. *kinda gross huh* =P From a friend's perspective, I can never imagine sp will do such thing to cheer his gurl up. *Don't let your thoughts go wild* He did nothing exaggerating. It's the words coming from him. His moves make you feel "You mean something to Him". Every little thing matters to me. Thank you Honey!!

MFM 2nd part is gonna be dued next week. And the greatest storyline is -- WE HAVEN'T EVEN GET STARTED! GoSh~ Haha. *still got the cheek to laugh* =p But I have faith in our group's last minute Power strategies. Ooops =X Yeah.. By hook or by crook (JunNiE~! NOt cook!! haha) our report will be in by then. *smilEs* TAM project also. Now one more on our way. CM project. -_-"""""""""

This sunday is 22nd. Our 1st month. hMmm.. He'll be working definitely. So advance 'celebrate' it bahh.. It won't be a real celebration which I'm pretty certain of. Still, I'm looking forward for the day.

*dReaming. dAy-dReaming aGain.. ..*

san signs off. 2:37 PM
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Sunday, August 15, 2004

Asking myself why Sandra is Sandra. Why Sandra can't heck care about this particular thing named 'feelings'. Why Sandra puts so much emphasis on this ironical unpredictable weird unfathomable love. 1000 & 1 why-s are popping up my mind. Sometimes how I really wish I could transform into somebody like lei. At least she got less heartlinked troubles. She is more pragmatic which is good looking at this angle. People are strange. Why drown yourself in sorrows and struggle in such undesirable difficulties when in actual fact you do have a choice to remain neutral or even stay smiling. Me myself haven't discover a satisfactory answer to coax Sandra yet. *searching still*

Tiring day. Tennis all the way. Chilled out at Tiong Bahru~ And home. He's very tired. Work.Tennis.Entertain Sandra.Taking care of his family.Tuition. Indeed he met a busy man's requirement huh~ *heartpain* Seeing a weary him froze my heart. Wanna tell him to slow down his pace of life. But I'm childish to do that 'coz he does that for his reasons. So I shan't. Events of his past. Will they haunt our relationship? I really oppose for such thing to come into us. But if it does, it is unstoppable too I guess. But if it is already in him, then I just gotta console myself that it's just too bad for me. I hope he won't take me for granted for things I've done for him and in turn letting him not to treasure my existence.

Gonna be very hectic. ProjectsSss. Test. Soon it will be exams. Right before it. preparation for SPTC Novice. Life sux.

"Thought I could find comfort&security in you"

I may not be an ideal partner after all.

san signs off. 12:22 AM
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Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Feverish San~~ Gonna collapse anytime from now. Forcing myself to digest all the formulaes and theories. Luckily I did paid attention during Wong Y.Y's tutorial. So it reduced my workload quite abit. Can only pray that tomorrow's paper won't be a killer. =) There's more to revise on THL. Didn't really memorise. Instead I only understand it and try to apply for the test. 'coz alot is like tested before. Yeah.. God bless

The schedule for thursday totally sucks!! Can't skip the 1st and last class at all~~ 10-6pm!!*Sighs* Whata do? *Sighed twice*

Interview at Olive Consulting Co. was relaxing. Perhaps due to their small scale office, it didn't exert pressure on me. Moreover, the 2 lady interviewers were very friendly. The whole office only consists of 6staffs. So yeap, it's a 'small family' to a certain extent. Wanna be part of them!! Shan't probe over it till the result is released through school. ^^

Actually my heart is leading me to Queensway shopping center to pass him a drink. Sadly, my body can't listen to my heart this time round. The killing headache is knocking me out. My stomach is giving me trouble too. Not my day I guess. So went home after collecting the photos at causeway point. Yearns to see him alot. Was hoping he'll make an effort to come down after his work. But from what I hear, I guess not. He's unwell since last evening. He needs to have an early night. My expectation scheme is pulling me down once again. Disappointment caused my sulkiness. Whata do again? *Sighed thrice* I understand he wants me to stay happy always but sorrie. This time I can't bring myself to smile. It may not because of you entirely. It might because of my spinning head. Or whatever.

Get well soon Babe~!!

san signs off. 9:39 PM
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Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Hey peepSs!! Got an interesting webbie to intro to you guyS~ JuniE recommended me and I find it pretty realistic for certain pointers.

Take a look&try@@ http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/color_cheki1.php

Mine~ Some is damn true~

You are Silver Pegasus type, who looks active, and gives an impression of being a tom-boy.
You are extremely cheerful and good natured.
You can easily get emotional and start crying, you are rather too soft hearted.
Also, you are very obstinate and simple minded.
You easily give up on things and have weak will power to finish what you have started.
You tend to be sarcastic and critical, but on the other hand, you can show great devotion and dedication.
Your attitude lacks steadiness, and is always changing.
You always worry about what the other people are thinking and can be bit too sensitive.
But you are a person who naturally becomes a center of everything.
Your fast movement earns people's respect.
You have a natural born leader type of talent.
You will struggle on the contradiction between your ideals and real world.
You may end up doing something beyond one's imagination, so you must try to have self-control.
If you are opposed by someone, and although you know that they are right, you can not take it in easily.
You will be more successful if you can try not to go against people around you.
You tend to give too much attention to your family than to your lover.
This may cause a trouble in that your lover may feel jealous about you being too affectionate to your family than to him.
You should not force your convenience to him, and try to give him more affection.
You are more suited as a career person than to stay at home.
But once you get married you will take care of your family with great affection.

Hmm.. Read his one, but like didn't mention anything regarding love. Does that means his life's focus point has nothing closely related to love? *wonders* Other than that, his one's also rather well-predicted.

Gotta rest for now. Studying later.

san signs off. 4:41 PM
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A lengthy yesterday. Had my hair cut&dyed. There is actually 2colours on head currently. One top and One bottom colour. Darker tone shades i chose this time which was recommended by Chapter2 stylists. Appear to be more natural and young~ Then alittle of fringe. hMmm.. Overall I like it and I think pretty suits me. Just that it doesn't seem to have a very big contrast as compared to my previous hair. Haha. But who cares~ I like it which matters the most too! *tougue Out*

Stayed out for the day and night and day again. Just came back to my comfy zone not long ago from now. -Home Sweet Home-

Esplanade Fireworks plan fulfilled. BUT it is darn congested. People pushing squeezing like nobody's business. Sianz. Hardly you can move with 2big steps. If you can step forward or backward 1big step, you are considered lucky already. Anyways, the short-lasting fireworks were not too bad. AT least I see something. Won't feel so unjustified. =P

Due to the big crowd extending from Raffles place to City Hall, giv alvin joyce&her bf were separated from us: Osk Clement Don&his gf Me Daph Ben. We gathered back at Newtown Circles for SUPPER!! keKEz.. Though not really filling, it was rather enjoyable. Craps makes the cooling ambience. An ambience highly appreciated by San. :) Sp joined us shortly. His presence hMmm.. lighten my heart~ Don't ask why. 'coz I can't explain this feeling. Pool session again after makan-ing. Pool is a 'sports' I'll never have preference on. But it's the common pulling point for my SPTC group. Haha.. So no choice~ =~ Had fun still, forgetting those embarassing moments of mine not touching my balls or getting the WRONG ball into the hole~!! KekEee..

Another >24hrs with sp.. NIce~~ XinFu let my happiness to have no boundary. Idyllic will be the best word to describe as long as he is within my sight. Alot of junk food we had. Treasured moments we had too. Haha~ Then here I'll go, "..always bully me, never gimme main course meal to eat.. .." =P Of course, it is not true to a certain extent. =P Hee. Met his parents and vice versa. Both of us have very amiable parents I gotta say. Not much problem with this parent meeting slot. *smilEs* He made emphasis about us seeing each other's parents, which makes me feel valued quite abit. *Thankies Huggies*

Wana jot down my present feelings so didn't went straight to bed. *Eyes giving way* Heartie, Sleep well~!! You haven't been having enough rest. Take care okAy. mUackiEeSssSss

san signs off. 12:03 AM
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Saturday, August 07, 2004

1st saturday since the school semester began, Sandra stayed home obediently, doing her revision diligently, getting bloody facts into her head profusely.

Have not get started with hospitality law's. Blame on my drowsiness. Instead of spending the whole afternoon mugging notes, I spent 3hrs napping dreaming whatever~ Haha. Still, managed to complete reading my FM tested topics. Squeezed a few theoretical summaries and financial equations into my freezing brain. More to brush up. Actually planned to enjoy my sunday and monday. But looking at this pathetic situation, there goes my monday. Hafta bring myself down to THL notes and engine my memorising work. Haiz. This also means that though he's not working on National Day, I can't be with him all day long. He'll sympathise me~ HEehee.

Tomorrow gona do up my boring hairstyle and colour at Chapter2 with Giv. *Excitement overwhelms* Not even a single idea fallen on me, instructing me on how should it be cut and what sorta colour to dye. Should I streak it? Hmmm... Shall see about it when I'm there.

Meeting him soon~

Thank me no more.

I just wanna be with you.

san signs off. 6:54 PM
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Friday, August 06, 2004

WoaH~ *a round of applause* I'm home!! Ehhh.. Nothing amazing that I'm at home. The remarkable part is, I'm sitting on this armchair of mine not when the sky is pitching dark. Not when my family has all fallen asleep. It's Right now. Before the sun sets. When I could still feel the warmth of sunlight pickling into every inch of my apartment. *luffs aloud* Capital L!! Seeing this lunatic gurl typing this journal. Inadequate sleep for consecutive 15days unrealisingly. Torturing myself physically. Yet, there's no concealed grudges. Wanna crave for happiness? Pay the price. Free gifts don't exist in this pragmatic world. For this time round, I exchanged those precious winks for priceless happy moments. Worth it. Tagging along my instincts.. ..

On my home passage, I dozed off. My eyes refused to obey my orders. Lids shutted up. I needa freshen up. Lethargic to hands on anything. Prepare for my 2tests on the following week is the core objective over the long weekends. Time shoots away. Rapid motion. When I notice it, the weekdays had marked their end.

This morning I had my 2nd breakfast with him. At the Clementi market, which is darn hot&stuffy. Haha. Junie was astounded that I ate my meal there with him. Hee. Yep, I seldom resort going there to ease my hunger 'coz of its environment. Pampered Sandra huh~ =P But after being with SPTC, I frequent there pretty regularly. Bought a 19th year old birthday cake specially for Lei. "Like it eh?" Took quite a few photos. Well-taken I supposed. *smilEs*

Have a wonderful 19th birthday celebration, Lei!! mUackSs

Olive Consulting Group phoned me for an interview this coming wednesday at 1430h. Gonna get myself ready for it!! *God bless*

Spoken to Osky and Clement, this couple, on this wednesday that has just passed. I had a stronger obligation to work after achieving my Diploma cert after hearing them out. Experience counts and speaks louder than a Degree cert. I'll pursue my degree education still. Just that, I'll work at the same time too. Don't wish to graduate with a Degree and get paid with a meager salary. Discussed with my dad in regard to this issue. He stands by my view. Haven't tell sp about this decision of mine. Anyway, he'll support me no matter what. Right honey? =p



Missing him. Miss him. Missed him.

24hours a day is not enough

Desire for more of you

san signs off. 7:05 PM
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Got rid of the old messy blogskin finally. Ridiculous of me to specially stay up having this silly intention. =P

Waited for sp in school till about 10pm. *kowtow to myself* Slept in the clubhouse for more than 3hours. Incredible, isn't it? Such an impatient gurl like me could do this!! I find myself doing some real unbelieving stuff. Love is ironical i guess. Luckily my waiting didn't went down the drain and was highly appreciated. HEe. The night transformed to a loveydovey one after 2 candles were lit. So sweet of him to think of that. Simple packaway Delifrance dinner. The darkness of natural surrounding glowed as my heart fuelled with his shower of dedication. MuackSsiEeeSss~~

PrataSs had been in my food list for these past nights. All b'coz of sp!! So unhealthy. Haha. But the ice-cream prata we had not long ago was praising good. *yAwns* Worn out. Ying reminded me to sleep EARLY tonight, failed again. ^_* Gonna rest now.

NItes people.

san signs off. 3:32 AM
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Sunday, August 01, 2004

What Lei was discussing in her lastest blog entry, conincidentally, that is also my topic for the day. Last night the thought "Do you prefer a guy who loves you more than you do or a guy who you love more than he does?" flooded my head. Profuse 'historical' matters drop down my mind as I gave it a deeper thought. Undoubtedly, my previous loves contributed more, irregardless whether it is emotionally or practically, comparing to what I've gave in. He pointed out he believes he is not up to my high expectations which are too demanding under certain circumstances. And he couldn't do comparably good or even better. Disillusion attacking my fragile soul. He is just being truthful, nothing's wrong with that. Yet perhaps, hearing out the truth is invisibly painful. Coming back to the thought dilemma. I guess majority of us will go for a guy who loves and place you before everything. Conversely, I rather to be with a guy who I really love even though I know his love has limitations even though I know I might get utterly emotionally impaired.

Lei also brought out, not in exact phrasing, "No one knows about the future and how do you expect my assurance to be like". Just wanna tell ya, Jeremy questions you because you mean alot to him and exactly the point is you have not given him the assurance he needs. He is merely having fears of losing you. Why I know about this? Because someone in my life right now made me realise what's fear in love. I enquire this and that helplessly, in hope of retrieving a little more sense of security from his words. Sadly, he is not good at expressing himself in words. He said time will tell everything. Or maybe when you're frightened to let go of someone, no matter what kinda assertion he tried to put forward, our heart becomes reluctant to accept. Whatever it is, I withhold my stand that I make the most rightful choice to be with him. Bliss kinda feeling surrounds me whenever he is with me. Like a forbidden dream turning into a reality.

While he was playing a rally match with his constituency members, I can't take my eyes off him. Then a thought struck me. "He is wonderful" & "He is mine" I love him. Spent like more than 24hrs with him from friday till saturday. Priceless time spent and shared.

Don't let the dream burst into bubbles so soon.

san signs off. 9:58 AM
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