Sunday, January 30, 2005

finished BP (business planning) ppt presentation slides
finished researching for my attachment project
***which i'm still stuck at my dearrrrr storyboard!***
-hmmmmpFfff-
still left with UCCD's citation
hmm.still have some drawings to do on Mword

Neverending work

The sight of computer pissed me off 101% now.

And jun and lei attended the NTU talk at bugis.
Saying psychology course is available to we business admin students.
i'm keen on signing up for that, but don't think i'm good enough to shine out among all candidates and get a place *sob*
somemore, jun said it is very 'hot', next to business course.
hai~~~
we are eligible for maritime engineering and NIE's arts courses too
hMmmm..but think i shall try my luck still
slim chances to opt in though.
1st choice business
2nd choice psychology
hee~marketing, my best friend ever :)
Ohhh..And online application form is to submit between 1st to 20? feb.
Last semester's result isn't that crucial, only for 2nd appeal purpose.
hai~~~
*hands turn cold*

yesterday was rallying, but didn't hit many balls.
till i trained with him
fed him balls and he taught me volleying.
Quite motivating..hee
head was spinning
rally awhile more with yongjia jeremy, and i surrender.

Rest of the day was mostly spent with him and his mum at the new shengshong (ten miles junction location).
Did cny shopping, or is it not?
she bought cans of drinks and said "want to drink just drink, no need to wait till cny one.."
hahaa..it's funny lahh..
kekee..his mum is niceee and her amusing words tickles.
the reason for not smiling is b'coz my stomach was in pain and actually my head was still revolting rebellion
but think my dear didn't realise that..

Okay, kinda looking for timeout in blogger.
so stressed out.
my pathetic sunday is spent in this studyroom of mine, doing all kinda projects the damn sp biz suggested to 'enrich' their students who need to juggle with work workAssignments schWork
some will be work workAssignments schWork partimeWork
goDddd~~~they think we are supermen and superwomen!
WE'LL PROVE TO YOU WE ARE!!!

missing my dear
dearie, i know you've been trying..
just i couldn't get a grip of myself when things ain't going well for me.

Maybe i need a break
Haven't been sleeping well..
my eyes are the best living proof.
I know you're struggling at work too.
*muAck*
we strive together okay~ :)(:

san signs off. 7:10 PM
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san3 is so inspirated to write

Another hour to go, will be doing projects with jun lei qi ervin.
-_- *sian*
Then gota get done with my UCCD report though it's only plainly 6pages work, it almost strangled me.
See how reluctant it could be when it comes to work!

my dearie joyce is moving towards another direction of life right now.
wouldn't say that she's strong/weak.
But she knows what she wants.
tennis brings us to a different dimension of life whenever we're feeling rotten..
Divert your focus to tennis and studies, may you excel even better okay our dear joycee..

I don't know who'll understand what's insecurity.
Insecurity steps in when it seems he's not yours.
He's not yours?
His r/s history factors in.
His non-expressive love fertilises insecurity to grow.

I paused whatever is moving in my head.
And recall he said, "your fear is unfound"...

Someone advise me please
why am I so afraid of losing him.
Why is the fear so real and intimidating.

he has so many other things to worry about.
I hesitate to pressurise him.
Keeping mum may be the best way out for now.

No matter how many times I tell him..
he will still do what he thinks is right.
i'm so insignificant

san signs off. 9:59 AM
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Yesterday was Saturday.
I hate yesterday.

Only stress and tiredness got me.
Wonder if he knows?
He could have said or do something to make a better yesterday for me.
But he did not.
After rushing out ppt slides, lean beside him hoping to receive a hug to chase away more lethargy
Eyes were so painful, he is only bothered with the fact that he had waited for nearly 2hours.
How understanding..
How caring..

Went home with a sulking face.
Feeling so suppressed by all weariness and the way you treated me was the fatal cause for the emotion explosion the moment I reached home.

Is it so disgraceful to let people see what I've wrote for you?
Or is it you don't wish that somebody to see it.
Ya rite to say such things are meant for only your eyes, but by being so determined to not let others see, is really disheartening.
Why you are only concerned of yourself??
Can't you think about how I will feel when you do that?
As long as you think is right, you went ahead.
Then why have me around when you can't seem to be bothered at all

san signs off. 8:52 AM
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Friday, January 28, 2005

Guo Xin Nian. Zhu Xin Nian.

Xin Nian Hao. Nian Lian Nian.

Rang Wo Men Dou Guo Ge Kai Xin :) Nian!

Hee. *Smile stretches miles away*

Chinese New Year is approaching.

Another one more week...

New Clothings. hmm..though I've been constantly adding highlights into my fashion inbox

New Bag. Wooo..Finally i'm gona set my heart to get it

Ang Baos! one fruit everybody's looking forward to

Goodies food!

san holds cny anticipation tightly with exclaimation

That week, will only be in Chinatown on Monday.

Rest of the week...

I'm FREE!!!!

That means I can do WHATEVER I want

Oh man, nothing beats that.

Though hafta follow up on itp proj which is nothing pleasuring. -_-

UCCD 2nd proj should make a research headstart too.

But for now, all these are not my priorities.

I don't even really care.

As long as my responsiblities are not denied........................ :)

He likes to say "guai lah huh..guai lah"

Coaxing me?

But isn't there more convincing phrase out there?? =p

though I like it lahh..

I'm treated as if i'm a small kid. =)

Nonetheless, dearie ahh..that phrase isn't customise for all 'coaxing' sessions worrr..

Try harder alittle the next time *heeee*

Not going down to see SPTC peeps tonight.

Hafta go home & makan with my daddy mummy.

They specially bought 2 whole bbq chickens and smoked fish.

So much doted by them *pressurising guilt*

I love you daddy mummy!

Who doesn't enjoy attention from people you care for.

I'm more than willing to indulge myself into jugs&pools of tender love.

Be it my parents, my brothers, youuuuuu, my frensSssss....

*with love*

SAn3san3

san signs off. 2:13 PM
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Monday, January 24, 2005

San's one loves eating sourplumS soOoo muCh~

Just log out from friendster.
Added a testimonial for him.
To my surprise, he actually wrote one for someone.
But the someone is not me.

Disgusted by myself.
Why on earth did I went to type one for him.
My jealousy surfaced.
The words "missing you so much." tore my sight apart.
Could hardly hear anything or see anything else.
san's world clock paused instaneously.

Could comprehend nothing but only this little gurl has nibble him away.
The proportion is much more than you and I can think of.

Yeah,and sure i'm sensitive.
If so, can someone teach me how NOT to??
"she's too young lah,it's impossible." buzzed my ears.

Reflecting a foolish self in the mirror.

Preaches why am I angonizing myself in anguish with every acidic bumps your moves had pump into me.

I am not afraid to say.
I'm J e a l o u s.

san signs off. 11:21 PM
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Sunday, January 23, 2005

Long weekend.
Friday.Saturday.Sunday.

It's almost finishing again..
*sigh*

Clueless of what to write now.

Only sees
soonpeowSOONPEOWsoonpeowSOONPEOWsoonpeow
On & on & on..........

This name just can't behave itself and stay still in my head.
Jumping around, arousing all attention it wants

"Miss Him", san confessed.

A Wilson tennisbag for my honey.
Overjoyed in my heart seeing him to like the bag..
It's being appreciative that I'm talking about here.
Not the money I spent..
You get it??

Two tennis days! :)
Though didn't play well, still I enjoyed myself.

'My brother' is GOOD!
It reaches your heart.
Brotherhood speaks in actions coming right from your heart.
A must-see show!

Never get any cny clothes yet!
Wanna get shoes too!
My Oh My~~
I have so many things in mind..

Thinking of dyeing my hair
Hmmm..
But it's quite dry.
Should I ill-treat it?
And my damn fringe is lonngggg, losing its shape :(

My rumblings are getting me nowhere..
*shakes head*

honey's with his friends at bugis now..
Today miss him so much..
Gona repeat what I've said to him just now..
Heart skips a beat whenever I knows I'm gona see him
Now even when I think of him, my heart races.

I didn't say this to you even after hearing yours..

belated greeting dearie:

Happy 6months together

san signs off. 9:54 PM
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

What will one do if it comes to senses you've not been honest to yourself?

What will one do if your mind signals pure stupidity after reviewing on actions initiated by your insensible heart?

What will one do if it was you yourself who have voluntarily offer to not discharge after repetitive undying pain?

You said future is mine and I should decide the path.

Thought future belongs to ours, and not only mine.

Pains and sorrows, Joy and laughters.
Whatever I sow, it's only what I've reaped.

Do you really think as long as you don't do anything wrong in actions, even if it means I see another gurl in your heart, there is nothing wrong??

I know myself too well.
I can never submiss to a man who loves another woman more than me, even if that man is who I love most.

Everyone has a past.
Memories is what a past can offer.
You can have all those memories.
But not hanging on to them.
If you are single and alone, you could jolly go ahead and do whatever you wish.
If you are not, please don't selfishly dominate other's heart and then plant a knife into it.

You've read my blog again and again.
You should know very well what I want and what I need.
Including that day, I believe I've let you know clearer than ever.

From this moment, I wouldn't mention anything, just to start afresh, entrusting myself to your words.

Don't let me down.

I've given myself a time frame.
If within this time space, I couldn't feel your wholesome love, I will just surrender to futile efforts.

Loving you doesn't seem to secure.

san signs off. 8:40 PM
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Friday, January 14, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONY! *party.party*

Pardon sansan for remembering it wrongly gurl! *pulls ear*

Today's a real slack.
I've been leisurely doing my own stuff since I reached the office?
Been talking.
Watched anime with Karen. *oOoooohh, storyline was so sweet yet so sad*
Listening to songs that my ears have strongly requested. :) hee
Reading people's blogs.
Did a lovematch test on cosmogirl.com which turns out to be pretty TRUE.

Here it goes..

Talk about a psychic connection!
He's a water sign too, so you might feel like you know exactly what he's thinking
(you finish each other's sentences, don't you?) <-- this is soo trueeee..
He knows just how you want to be romanced.
If he's not tuned in to your needs, then no one is. <-- hMmmm..*doubtful* He'll work overtime to give you exactly what you want. HEAVEN! <-- *even more doubtful*

Your Cancer guy can get majorly moody when something's not working out the way he wants.
Since he can have a hard time expressing just what's pushed him into the deep end of the cranky ocean, you'll need to nudge him a little to open up.
Honest communication is a must in this relationship. <-- nodding head HARD

That's how kiddish I could be. Too hard to RESIST not to do the test =p
Somemore I'm so FREE.
And I REALLY mean FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!
But seriously, I don't mind. Heez.

Today, missing him alot.
But some would ask,
"when have you NOT miss him?"
which is absolutely undeniable. ^-*

Thinking alot about US.
*S.S*

san signs off. 4:48 PM
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Think I've been missing someone out of my journals.
That's Mr. Lok JieHao.

He's sucha kind soul out there for his friends unconditionally.
Everyone would agree on this if they were to know him.
A very big THANKS dude!

Have forget to thank you for sOOoo long..
:)(:
You rock!

Have been talking about our views on relationships and sharing our experiences.
Hearing one of my collegues'.
Enlightenment.One big big big one.
She has been through alot before me seeing who she is right now.

It makes me more determined in my own r/s.

She said something which is sooo true.
It's not the happy times that will let your love endures.
It's all those torturing times you two have undergo that squirm your heart
Touches your heart.
Difficult times take each self to our heart.
Reach your heart and don't ever part.

San & SP

Take me to your heart

This gurls' talk really makes me can't stop thinking of sp..

san signs off. 10:54 AM
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Thursday, January 13, 2005

If I'm sad you guys will know why
And who to look for huh *wink*

'coz san3 has always been a happy gurl.

Let myself down yesterday for sulking all day long.

I would say the 2 of us are so WEIRD.
Big weirdos.
Ice volcano for a moment, next it became violent and
Not long from then, ice volcano cools down and look as beautiful as a ice mountain again.
I'm pretty sure a similar occurence is not far from anticipation. *sighs*
'coz I could kinda understand it's his inborn personality in reign.
HOWEVER, dear please don't do it again and again.
My persistent heart may just die off if sucha stuff obstinately repeats.
And of course If that's not something you would want to happen, please refrain.
I just need you to spill your troubles on me, please kindly share honey.
It shouldn't be too difficult.
By sharing, it makes thing simpler and everything will be much better.

SP Tennis Open commenced yesterday.
Heard that my comm members are all in for the next round.
Good luck JiehAO! You better win!!!!!
Or..hMMMMM..you owe me a DRINK + MEAL! hee
And who else is playing tomorrow..
Whoever! Good Luck :)

Announcing it OUT LOUD!

I.LOVE.SP

san signs off. 1:22 PM
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Is god playing prank on san3 or just being FAIR?

By treating me to lotsa lost tears, is that the best reminder to cherish precious moments?

Now I'm abandoned.

My msn nick went..
san3san3 *will be lost if 3 lost you.*
Now it goes..
san3san3 *will be lost if 3 lost you. And 3 is lost*

I think I've shed enough tears for me to give up.
And I've always said I've tried and really I do mean I TRIED.

Many things are not for us to determine.

Does he know whenever something gets screwed, it's not only me who's wrong?

You're seriously testing my patience
And trying my limits.
I toppled.
Presenting a result slip full of red markings everywhere.

Yesternight my pride was thrown aside just hoping to cheer you up again.
Perhaps it's a redundant move.

After so many downs, I've no more expectation for you.
Only wishing for no more heartstabs from you.
Even this simple wish bounced.

san signs off. 10:00 AM
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Sunday, January 09, 2005

pain pain pain!
san3 is in pain..
Menses cramp is back for me againnn..
-_-
*enduring*

Abit lost of what I'm going to type here.
Got out from my bed quite awhile already, but my brain still alittle retardeddd..

Only thing on my head is.. ..HIM
*he just called*
that's so qiaoooo..
okokiee..shall retain this blissful feeling within me..
dearie my honey, a simple call like that really warms my heart.

saturday was our tennis day.
Played tennis with him don yongjia..
Hee, came too late..all the others went off already :x
I don't know how to put it in words.
All I can think of when I thought about playing with him that day cheers me up.
Since we were couple, we didn't really play together anymore.
So..
I cherished that day. That day @ tennis court.
Do more often with me dear~! *muAck*
Then went to visit Joyce & Jiehao during their CSSC duty.
After it was all the way at Anchorage condo, for sp's tennis friendly matches.
Rain ruined the momentum I would say.
I hate the RAIN!
'coz it injected flu virus into sp and making him so xinku.
*heartpain*
Luckily after drinking the chinese flu remedy, it got better.

Was too tired that I fell asleep on his lap or was it on his bed? =p
One moment stayed fresh on my mind was..
Opening my eyes, knowing that he was looking at me while my eyes were closed..
It just felt sweet.
Erm, yesh. SWEET

My ka wen xia jie went for singing audition on saturday.
Wonder how she fare..
She said she'll update tomorrow. :)

Wanna dote our tennis club little gurl JOycee so much now..
Too many things in r/s for her to take.
Guess letting go is her very last resort.
I can sense their love was so strong from those photos i see.
That's something incredibly real.
Photos are footsteps of memories for people to recall.
Hang on there gurl.
All of us are here for you :)

I'm missing my busy & tired man here..
*guarantee missing-sp stamp*
-chop.chop-

san signs off. 6:32 PM
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Friday, January 07, 2005

07/01/2005

Wonder brown depicts this gloomy 7th day of welcomed 2005?

It's still in its nurturing stage for this new year.
Yet alot of things are in bad shape.
Hearing tennis club falls apart and those uncommitted peeps are the responsible culprits whelm meeeeeee..
Alot of a time it's b'coz this batch isn't quite well-attached with each and everyone.
Blame who?
Blames NO ONE.
Saying that 'coz It's easier said than done.

Bless SP Tennis Open.

Why on earth love jumble people's life into a whole big mess!?
Isn't it meant to light up sparkles and not extinguishing the used-to-be glowing source.
Though not a thing in this world remains sugarie-sweet like how things pick up at the starter point
we shouldn't throw in the towel when it turns bitter when 'winter' touches your love port.
It may taste sOoooo untolerably hot when things got boiled up.
And of course the direct correspond of sweet is sour.
At least to me, feeling soury seems as though I've drank another plain water.
A routine somehow it revolves.
So be it if it's sweet, bitter, hot or sour, each of them did added spices.
It may not taste as good as sweet, but one unrejecting moral of the story is we'll take more appreciation in those good times.
Whenever we thumbed up, a thumb down is not far from then.
Vice versa, as cloudy sky sheets over a clear one, we all know after it rains, sun rises.

I would do self reflection and straighten screwed up thoughts as my heart toils tangled frustration.
Question myself why am I angry?
Self reflection begins with empathy.
Stop drawing on a small dot to make it darker and rounder than before.
Instead leave it as it is or erase it off to reuse this clean empty page again.

Learn to make yourself happy.
Learn to find a smiling face among grumbles.

Giv and alvin.
This child-like couple suffers emotion turmoils right now.
Time will make things better or worse.
Value the missing one more or this missing one will shadowly fade.
**all of us are hoping for a reunion**

Wish to see my busyman..

san signs off. 1:06 PM
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Thursday, January 06, 2005

Instinct for the day isn't good.

Didn't slept well at all.
Had a very vague dream.
Waking me up in a total darkness when everyone else was sound asleep.
I could kinda recall seeing nana and alvin in that hollow space..
So weirdly unexplainable why these two souls appear

Then I lost my hairpin on my way to work.
I clipped it on my shirt 'coz it slipped loosely from my fringe.
Arggghhh
Kinda like that pin..
And now it's gone forever
"What a day!",I thought when it struck me saying it's MISSING.

Today chatted on msn with quite a few peeps.
Huiping Benny Lei
And my honey..
Thanks for entertaining me through this unappetizing morning :)
Especially huiping. Nice catching'up

Last night was waiting for him at Alexander Hospital.
And it means he is gonna switch it off.
So it also mean I can't get him even if I am there.
Enquire for his classroom at the frontdesk.
They are so inefficient but HELPful indeed. *smilEs*
Before I did blow my top due to impatience, they managed to got the place.
They almost show us the way into the room, luckily I stopped them in time.
So as I was peeping in from far, I saw him about to come out.
And the crankiest thing is, I ran away!
Karen was like why are you running away as if he's your crush??
He is your boyfriend you know...!!
Can't speak up for my that immediate reaction.
Maybe I'm still not mentally prepared to see him..
So we waited and waited.
I stood up all the way looking as though I'm being punished, 'coz wanna 'inspect' at the door.
Just in case he walks out again.
I'm in lady luck, I thought!
He really came out for his toilet break, and so I waited somewhere outside the gents.
And only with a second look, he saw mi -_-
he is soooooooo blind!
Kekee..SO passed him the pizza before he went in again.
After he sent his friend and karen home, we ate the pizza before he walked me home.

At first his friend assumed karen to be his girlfriend b'coz of the height
After clarifying, she knows it's ME.
She was like wahhhh you are really very tallll
That pissed me to the very maximum
So from then, I looked angry and he knows.
When we were eating, he said when his friend knows it's me, she did say something nice.
But still, that doesn't make me like her aBIT more or dislike her aLITTLE less.

Just let my dear know.
Wo zai xiang ni.

san signs off. 1:36 AM
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Your dark side is centered around Hopeless Faith. A
shattered broken heart holding its last breath,
searching for its salvation in a cold world.
All you want is a sweet loving heart, touchs
your hand and holds you in their arms,
prmoising you they will love you forever, so
you can feel that the whole world is revolved
around the both of you only, no more sorrow or
regret, just love. You will find what you want
when you believe in yourself and when you start
making your life with your own hands.

san signs off. 4:17 PM
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Now working hours..
And I'm doing almost nothing.

Was doing filing job at the meeting area, however, they need it now.
So blame no sandra yahh..
It's NOT me who wants to eat snake =X

Hmm..
I'm missing him worr..
He's having class now..
Decide on going to Alexander Hospital (where his class is).
Gonna buy him his favourite pizza from Anchor Point.

Since that miserable night embraced with tears, whenever I thought of doing something for him I'll hold back and think think think..
Though I'll still end up going ahead with it even after much considerations
B'coz don't wish to accumulate any regret.

He just called saying he's most probably running Poly50 for Optometry.
SPTC didn't ask for his help officially that's why..
Don't know why, I feel uneasy when I heard him saying that.
Seeing him running against my club, just loads and tons of -_-
I'm being 'thinking too much' here again..
Maybe optom really needs people and sptc is sufficient in no..

Aiyohh..
Feeling weird..
And head hurts..

Okay FULLSTOP

san signs off. 3:36 PM
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Sunday, January 02, 2005

2005.

2004, how are you?
It's a dreamy year.
Things once far from reach
Became so intact with you.
Things once so close to your heart
Out of sight.

A year full of never-stable wave currents.
Allowing people to enter and leave you life has never be entertaining.
Witnessing get-togethers and separations is truly heart-twisting.
For no apparent reason, San was given a share to such experience too.

Entitling emotions with chances to get out of hand is what have been happening over this past 365 days.
Have lost touch with whether there's regret.
'coz things come and disappear too fast.
Before you could grab hold of what you are doing, you've already done it.

Read joyce's blog.
She posted a question somewhere.
"Rather stay wif someone u love or someone tt loves you?"
Something I've repeatedly asked myself.
And I could perfectly understand how this gurl feels when she is asking this herself.

As time goes by, I realise to love someone is the hardest thing ever.
It makes you so helpessly fragile and left with no choice but to be soft inside.
It makes you so prone to getting hurt and hurt and still hurt.
For now I will stick to my former choice that is to be with the one I love rather he loves me.
When you finally graspe the beneath significance of love, you were swept away by those cold shoulder at times and cruel reality words which were never meant to be revealed by him.
That's how wrenching it could be.

Things once said and heard will always remain there.
I wouldn't say things are different now or whatever.
Like joyce said, giving you assurance you need is what we are doing.
But maybe we are the ones who need it more now and not hearing you don't know.
Handling a love that's on-off is beyond my knowledge.
So shocked to hear those from you, all along I really really really thought you are certain of wanting to be with me all days ahead of us.
I was just too complacent of myself, thinking I could be the special one who could open your once-locked heart.
Too naive of me.

Quote from joycee

SP i realli hate u...i hate the way i love you so much...

Where's your smile in all our photos..

Searching for it high & low..

san signs off. 3:07 PM
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