Sunday, July 31, 2005

my left palm is still numb and giving me unbearable itch. then this sms "......your left palm. not pain. ... ... ni" shall not reveal all.

today was pigging at home. sleeping my sunday away. too much of sleep gives puffy eyes, which is so true.

san signs off. 9:13 PM
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Saturday, July 30, 2005

looking into the mirror, i saw a normal self. but who knows inside it's breaking down. Won't be so weak to let my sadness be seen. I complained yesternight about he not calling and msging me when he's already home and sleeping away despite being clear of me calling his house more than once. Complaining, a way to vent your inner wild thoughts. I know he was pissed at me for that particular haunting reason. On the other hand, i was really really hoping and telling myself please don't let that be the reason, he won't disappoint me and stuff like this. too bad that god create woman to have great instinct upon a storm striking. intuition of a spell of disaster was just too right. Still, i was waiting for a miracle to seeing his msg telling me he was plain tired that's why this and that. but turned out, no. something was boiling inside of him, for a long time from what i should have concluded.

it's alright. we always reach this kinda stage where makes me go pondering our possibility of being a lawful loving husband and wife. i'm saddened to allowing reality slapped on my face so so hard each time I see it clearer. wouldn't want to compare with other couples, 'coz each individual is different. don't wanna let our problems to be too transparent to our friends, so i've decided to keep to myself. somethings revealed might appear bad on him, so i swallowed down my throat. i need someone to takecare of me rest of my life and also me taking care of him. but when i think of him and me 10years down the road, will he be able to tc of me and be sweet to me without any complaints? no, i doubt. everything he has given to me, he remembered so clearly. it's as if i'm being together with him for a reason, and the reason might be anything but true love. what i've done for him, of course he knows and sees it. don't know if he appreciate it not or maybe he didn't even like it, the point is he can easily say if doing these and that for me will make you ... ... then i rather you not do it. so in the end, my effort was all rejected, brutally. yesh, i could choose not to do anything like my gurlfriends. but i chose to, just to make you a happier man after a hard day @work, after your family burden. and i was just a fool to have done so and getting myself so hurt.

i thought of if one day you become a father when we're married, are you able to empathise me as a pregnent wife and not quarrel with me by giving in? i've doubts for that too. i'm scared to live in flunctuating happiness in the future. why is it so hard to love someone. why is it so hard to get someone reciprocate. i chose to love someone instead of being loved. is my choice wrong? i don't know. just so painful inside.

don't wish to contact you. 'coz i'm so saddened by your harsh words. 'coz you've once again disappoint me utterly. perhaps, like u've said i owed you last lifetime for all these tears you've brought into my life. so when can this debt be discharged? interrogated myself. are we suitable are we meant to be are we wasting each other's time are we? you should be hesitating having me this burden other than your family load. give me up if it's too hard on you. 'coz my mouth can't bring those words up. i tried to control my tantrums and be understanding when ya frustrated on the bbq night. thought you would at least appreciate it. even when i'm lost, i messaged you in hope to cheer ya up alittle.

not trying to sound noble in this r/s. i've gave in, so did you, taking turns to. but..are all these worth it.

tired. gonna go out and chill~ nites.

san signs off. 9:29 PM
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Friday, July 29, 2005

graduation photos.

think there should be some more. thought i've taken quite alot, but judging from what I can see, guess not. It's a hallucination. oOops.

yesternight had bbq with the new sptc committee@ west coast park. the food was pretty nice, especially the hotdogs and otaks!! come to think about it, the variety was...........miserably little. haha, but don't belittle its weak variety. the quantity is sufficient to choke you to death. and quality mai hiam also buay pai lah. *hope i got the prounciation correctly =P* florence, new activity officer deserves more than 2thumbs up. she is enthu she is responsible she is meticulous enough to keep the bbq going just fine. she marinates all the chicken wings somemore. you really power! our joycee ah, better get florence be your shifu! go go faster go......!

peow was also rated alot of stars by me, for yesterday lah. =X muack. you turned up solely for my sake, I know. doing it just for me is noble enough already when ya dead beat tired after a morning training whole day work. love ya honey. oh yah! my left palm is swelling! alittle numb and red and PAIN! dunno what hell insect bit me, must be those black big big ant! eWwwww talking about it itched my whole body -_-

today at work, also zhuo bo~ yesterday went out jalan jalan, hee. was asked to get 10 big umbrellas. so company driver, ah bang drove me to mustafa. he was obviously slowing down his driving speed, drove at his own sweet pace. he even told me to take my time at mustafa. but u tell me lah, buy umbrellas only how long can it be sia. after buying, driving at the crippled speed, he treat me to a drink. bought one for my other colleague. haha, all the way he was telling me stories about all my japanese bosses. saying how lusty they are, what kinda jerk they are. the stories just prove again, japanese men are all of one yellow kind! and they can conceal their colour very well! peifu peifu.

later meeting daph to go queensway to get her dampener. can meet my dear too, soo happie. then will be back to woodlands for tennis. hurray! laters people.

san signs off. 1:53 PM
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On overall, it's pretty true about me. give it a shot. :)
http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

san signs off. 10:23 AM
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Ong Pi Lu. Graduant of Singapore Polytechnic Year 2005.

that moment when i'm up on the stage, i think it was just too awesome. projector zoomed into your face, an illusion of me being a twinkling star accompanied by hundreds pairs of eyes. though everyone elses experienced exactly what I've been through, hmm, i just feel special. Especially the thought of my mummy and daddy feeling proud of their only daughter, it's just beyond words. I could even visualise my mummy tearing when seeing me on stage receiving my certificate roll..a moment of remembrance. if only I had achieve something in my poly days to do their honour, if only lah. mummy daddy, love you!

afterwhich, stayed back just to take more photos of me and my friends and classmates. we hugged each other and can really feel the warmth while in their arms. may all of us keep in touch. take care folksZ!

rushed down in cab to kallang stadium for peow and don's doubles match. they played well, especially you my dearie. muack~


leehua & me@kallang.getting bored you seeeee..


fetched me home. on the car, i took out my mobile, "take photo dear".


i like this.


addition effect.


junie&me@dover.waiting for mummy and daddy.


euneun@graduation hall. hee catched up alittle. meet on next wednesday yeah!


karen aka ka-wen xiao jie@graduation hall.


huiping&me. hee, texted them to meet outside convention hall to take pics! i'm smart, say i'm smart. hee


peow & I @ bugis, having dinner with leehua don and victor.

oh yeah..something to comment. haha. victor changed alot in appearance sia. I almost can't recognise him at kallang the other day. another crappie and lame guy. tennis club is full of these kinda peeps huh~~~ can't help it, 'coz unfortunately i'm one of them. OOoops =X

san signs off. 11:41 AM
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Monday, July 25, 2005

To peow: our love is one year older. ;) rang wo men ai dao lao *muack*

that friday was quite a hectic one. whole day schedule was so so packed. met daphne to go SIM, in the end enquire nothing, only had our lunch settled at their cafeteria. wonder does sim only have that miserable 2 cafeterias, which are sitting side by side. soon after we took cab down to eunos. I gotten my remaining 2 baking ingredients ready, sugar icing (end up didn't use it, 'coz too sweet already =P) and butter. got some flowers for deco purpose, hee. reached daph's house, got changed into casual wear and start my baking brownie project rolling... =) daph's oven can't hit 350F degree, so the brownie was somehow burnt at the sides. but alrighty, it still did turn out edible lah..thanks daphie! imagine if I was to use joycee's mini oven, oh man.....i think it would be even more jiatlat ah!

while waiting, continue to beautify my lil gift for dearie. added in those artificial flowers petals, hmmm..think it looks quite nice lah, hoh dear? didn't take any shot of this lil gift, too bad. it's for peow's eyes only, anyways. (",)

jh and joycee came to daphie's house and we head to ron's condo for his birthday celebration. oh yeah! forget to mention this.......daphie's void deck has lotsa cockroaches!! suay me, must be those spraying thing that irked all xiaoqiang-s to move house, out of their nests. eEeeW~ but me not that timid, this time. daphie was more terrified than me loh. she stood so far away from the lift while waiting it to reach ground floor. she even ran into the lift, hahaa.. so now we know, daphie is scared of xiaoqiang. and i mean VERY SCAREd. =X you guys know what to do if you wanna saboe her lah. flying cockroaches are also jiehao and joycee's curse. erm, i think me too lah. as long as it stays put and doesn't appear in my house, i would be xena, if not i'm just another scaredy cat.

played tennis and ron cut his birthday cake accompanied with lotsa different versions of birthday songs. me and peow left pretty promptly with all the others. went to bugis, he booked a room there. gotta admit was disappointed to see no pressie for me from him that night. our one year...nao le nao qing xu, and it got fine.

the next day. morning we had 2 breakfast. one in the hotel, which was too little to fill our stomach. woke up late, so late birds no good food. delifrance breakfast was next. in the afternoon, we rushed down to kallang tennis stadium from chinatown mrt all the way to kallang station. took a cab down and he was in time for his game. joycee and all were there to support don, peow and chunhei. in the night, chill out with them at chinatown after makan-ing at old airport road. too tired, went peow's home and immediate knock off on his bed.

gonna meet him later. doubles game at kallang. don and peow with 2 top seeded players. i'm excited. play and enjoy the game. victory is not everything, although it's something to be proud of. do your best dearie *hug*

tomorrow graduation day. taking half day off. hmm, haven't get my inside white top for tomorrow sia. shit, either later or tomorrow after work.


in the taxi to daphie's house.


joycee still not satisfied with this pic. don't care just gonna post it lalallallaaa~~


my brownie heartie for dearie. doesn't look as nice as it tastes. alil sweet lah, but nice okie!


the box where brownie is found.


loving peow and san


eternity love.

san signs off. 12:28 PM
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Thursday, July 21, 2005

sheesh. there's something about my stomach, 20 seconds ago. the every month thing is here again. it whirled up my cramp. loathesome cramp! causing so much sufferings. buay tahan liao lah...................

too pain to even think. luckily i've nothing on hand now to do. damn menses. eeeeeeE!

meeting joycee n jh for dinner later. hmm. if pain persists till later, i may just hail a cab home.

lucky me, oh lucky san. tomorrow and tomorrow tomorrow no needa climb out from bed early in the morning. ;)

san signs off. 2:19 PM
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

heehee.
from sunday monday and yesterday, tuesday, everything was very nice and kept me indulged in a neverneverwonderland.

an overdue mini surprise was finally exposed before my eyes. he prepared it on sunday night, revealed to me on monday and i saw it on tuesday. haha, what a chain huh~ to express how much i like the words you've written. it's short yet so meaningful. thankew for making impatient san's wish no more just an empty prayers.

san signs off. 4:12 PM
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Group photo @Sketches. 16th July 2005, Saturday. from joycee
tell you don't see the cake small small, it's power-fully yum-mum-mum :)

fantastic 4 wasn't that fantastic after all. peow kept calling it FABULOUS 4, oh my. he must have negotiated with my ear drum to tell my brain that fabulous 4 sounds better than fantastic 4, causing an 'fabulous 4' effect in me. all your fault lah! anyways, i expected a climax, but to both of our dismay, there wasn't any. what a letdown.

oh wells. luckily we filled up our rumbling stomachs with great food at an ulu japanese restaurant. chicken katsu curry and he ate errrr...dunno what eel with the greengreen cold glass noodles. oOOops =x pardon my ignorance with food names, just can't remember! then had dessert, one with lotsa mango mango fresh mango!

nice anot? nice righttt..hee~ a mango ice-cream topping right on top! and i tell you, the mangoes are really very fresh. it's very sweet, hahaa, perhaps it's the syrup all over that's misleading my tastebud, but who cares. i enjoyed it, he too. we sat there and talked about saving up for our wedding. how could he even say no need to deliberately set money aside, when the time comes, sure no problem. oh man, please loh, pure irresponsible tone im hearing from my right ear to left ear. ;( then started calculating how much for the whole wedding thingg. cost a enormous humongous BOMB! and we actually got unhappie over buying or renting my wedding gown. what do you think ladies? san will definitely wanna own one and not sharing with any women strangers on the street. but, come to think about it, he makes sense. in line with logic, why spend so much on something that ya only gonna wear once and hang it prettily at one unnoticeable side of wardrobe as years pass by. hmm. so i'm having a second thought now upon buying one. but that doesn't mean i'll spend any lesser on it. hahaa, my wedding gown gotta be a real unique gorgeous beautiful one, which will fit me me me just like that *dada~* bringing out my 'smell'.......(translate into mandarin - dai chu wo de wei dao)


loving you everyday and always, my forever love.

san signs off. 4:16 PM
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Monday, July 18, 2005

Happie birthday mr. don fuh. :)

was great having to see most of sptc-ians last saturday. we had dinner at bugis sketches. food was quite standard, though I only get to taste ham and cheese sandwiches, sketches homemade mushroom soup and some pinches of peow's spaghetti, osky's dunno-what-gravy-noodle, benny's fries and mony's cesar salad. wooo..looks quite abit right, but I wasn't really that full after biting on all those. it was till we had the birthday cake.....wow, the cake is good! the top was chocolate yummy cream and lower portion filled with a thin layer of waffle that makes up a crispy chew.

where's the group photo we took huh?? joycee!! send mi lehhh... :)

And the birthday peeps, peow joycee and don had to put off the candle flame with their bare fingers. my peow is SO gu-niang! scare here scare there, sucha scaredy cat! joycee more power than you loh! hahaaa..

already bought fantastic 4 tickets and we sold it to a couple in the end at only 15bucks! they really got a bargain loh! went for ktv with osk and clement, wholesomely excited jh joined us at a later part. he was so happie that he kept on standing up and jumped around like dunno what...we were trying to entertain him with a put-on fake smile. hahaa~ too excited lah, we all like falling aslp and you so hyper, can't blame us huh~ wanna know why he's so happie? hhmmmm....let me reconsider how much to charge you guys loh =P but don't think anyone would be interested lah :X

so peow ate 4birthday cakes this year. you lucky okay, so don't complain. sheng zai fu zhong bu zhi fu~ before meeting the guys at bugis, he came and surprise me at my worksite. we went to thomson plaza for lunch and also bought a shade. was trying on quite a few, in the end bought the most commonly seen one. actually still prefer the louder version one but peow is right to say I won't wear sucha shade out of my house lah.


the one i carried home.


the one i adores.


looks like me?hahhaa of course not! just for fun by peow.


mony gonna club later.taken at sketches.

fruitful saturday. yoohoo~ this fri and sat i'll be on leave. so so so looking forward.

san signs off. 10:22 AM
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Friday, July 15, 2005

dearie 25 years old liao! hee, getting older and older =X nevermind, lucky me finds my old man charming. :)

my plan was disappointedly ruined right after receiving his sms, asking me not to go over his place. MAN! he knows me too well lah~ but perhaps everyone can predict my move. I'm too good at dropping hints of my own secret plan! very sad , you know........persisting on, went over at about 1135p.m. lit up the chocolate tiramisu cake and got him out of his house. He came out with sucha why-you-are-here face. at first was really sian, later part turned for the better. thank god k =) sang a chinese version birthday song, pecked a birthday kiss and make a wish before the candles went off..


birthday boiboi :) wearing sptc club tee somemore!


Make a wish..what did you make huh before you blow..wanna know leh..=P

His family almost forget his big day! my cake saved their memory, wei da bahh..
Then lights off after feeling sinful with all those creams.

Morning got up for breakfast at J8. Near my workplace mah.. ;)


Breakfast at Coffeebean. THe sausages were so yummy!!!scramble egg abit soggy lah, not salty enough. and the waitressing boi was too slow and he was late for work too i think, so there was only one gurl at the counter and kitchen when the morning flow was preetty heavy. dearie plan the time until sweeswee (means nicenice, correct anot huh?) but that snail screwed up, making us to rush through our food 'coz i'm gonna be late! but okay lah, quite an awesome breakfast, nevertheless.

that monday we watched initial d. wooooo..beginning to accept jay's face. in that show he doesnt look as bad as i thought he was. haha, maybe that role of his is a smokescreen. me and peow re-enact one part where he and his crush, on his car, held each other's hand for the very baby time. we got a chocolate filling pastry from polar.

a symbol of heart somemore. but now to think, i didn't eat it leh! my daddy did! 'coz he said he wants, then bo bian lohh..

dearie tonight see you at ling's condo for supper. Tennis peeps, cya laters (",)

enjoy your big day.
though you don't find celebrating your birthday fun,
still i will still do something to make your day.

san signs off. 11:46 AM
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Thursday, July 14, 2005

reading my fren's blog..
everything looks familiar. too much so, it feels as if I was the one going through it.
I'm talking about her love perspective, to not be vague.

Is it just me and her? Or gurls are born to feel this way?
In our love pursuit, is it us losing ourselves, forgetting who we are or is it our love forcing for a change? In both instances, we are becoming someone who we are not. Then I would start questioning, why is there a before and after effect as per single and attached status? We cameoflaged into our dearie's surrounding, to blend ourselves into his world. Just to make them feel at ease. Passionate women like us are victims of worshipping the holy love goddess and give away our most precious to the most deserving one. That's us, just us. In a way or another, it's something only people like us can comprehend. We act with our hearts, and not our brains. We go along with feeling and sensation. And oppose practicality and logics. Simply, I love people like us, especially.
My friend, it's the moment of insecurity that has scare you. Warning for reconsiderations. Inevitable. When things seem to be at its worst, it may not be. May be another swerving salvage point. Look on the bright side. The light will somehow pave a guiding path.

so much for my philosophy. hee~
happy birthday JOYCEE! :) be cute stay smiley always. anything look for your doryfishy ah-ma =P

abit guilty this morning. was getting pekchek at work when everyone starts calling out for you and you're too busy to entertain every of them -_- so when joycee called, my tone was pretty hostile. paiseh huh gurlie~ and then, I called her back to wish happie birthday greeting. How could me! didn't greet her when she first called. hee ah-ma blur lah hoh, paiseh paiseh~

And tonight. yoohoo~ dinner with jh joycee (birthday gurlie) ronny. then will carry out my planned PLAN *chuckling awayyy* curious? hee don't tell you leh.. lalallalalalaaa~

alrighty should get my butt working liao. write this thing for like hours! in between slack for lunch. blah.

san signs off. 11:57 AM
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Friday, July 08, 2005

Beaming in happiness, everyone is, for now my eyes witness all of that.

Work in peace. Friends in peace. Closest kins in peace. Love in peace.
Momentously appreciated.
Always, there'll be black sheep.
London's bomb incident interrupted this peaceful momentum. saboe them because they are the organisor for Olympics 2012? this is how vengeful a sore loser can get. or perhaps they are trying their best to prove that the judges have done them injustice basing on emerged wiiner's existing standard of security. but it's as if these underhand tricks are gonna restate what has already been preset.
Yes, it's redundant, and fatal. It brought misfortune to innocents.
*sighs*

why on earth san talks about politics?

Hey where is junie and ying? didn't see them for ages leh. message is not enough, must meet up then can! junie rebonded her fringe and I never even get a chance to comment on it. ;(
next wed meeting manda, laine and junie for clubbing. man, haven't decide whether to go or not. clubbing, all should know it's so not for me. *ponders* working on the very next day hasten my thoughts. missing out alot for not clubbing? For me, that's just not the case lah. to go or not to go. haha, who knows, that laine might just forget all about it.

next saturday, celebrating 3 tennis peeps birthday. one of which is my dear. hee, something to forward to again. time pass faster this way. *big smile* heard that many will be coming, good job giv!

Tomorrow! I command you to report to me right away! This is an order!
..............
It's turned on deaf ear. ;(
.......................
Kena ignored.

san signs off. 11:43 AM
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

oOOops. I ought to put some photo here. almost forgot about it.

yesterday was my colleague's last day. Tracy Chean. :) the smartie from RJC.


tracy yani san



for goodness, we were in the toilet!! *sniffs* smells of chrysanthemum. EW~
no lahh, our toilet is spickly clean. credit all goes to our aunt lucy. she is great! always give me food to makan.

all the best ms. tracy. whole loads of upcoming school activities waiting for you! :)

san signs off. 1:17 PM
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yippee ya ya~ yippee yippee ya ya~ *happily smiling awayyyyy*

got him a card, a very meaningful one, yesterday right after my work.
One of my colleague, the one who's from RJC & one year younger than me,'s daddy chauffeured me down to queensway. =) it's on the way, sucha lucky fella! i'm calling myself lucky? yup yup yup! so it saved my time and of course, my bus fare! their prices has moved up, AGAIN -_- getting out of point~ BUT they better not keep having the evil thoughts of raising the price again~ *sobs* it will seriously tear my pocket and these frictions are burning....sooon.
I was saying, i got him a card right. the card is marvellous! it's everything that I want him to know.

Our love is a one way street, with no left turn.

=)
dearie, really so glad to see your sms-es. thought you would ren-xin not to contact me for the rest of yesterday. luckily not. told you i'm lucky *gigs*
messages, they are short but they are absolutely swEEeet. ;) *muack* you made my day, once more, with not a single doubt.

knowing my best friend and his gurlie are doing pretty fine. happie for him, glad for her. keep it going! *you know who you are*

July.
So many birthday boi-s and gurl-s huh~
joycee - 1 don - 2 ronny - 3 peow -4
it just gonna mean more outing, lesser time lesser money to shop for myself!! kekee..
Hope to celebrate together on the 16th, like what giv has initiated.
men are weird. men loves to tell his love ones not to celebrate his birthday for him. Wonder do they mean it. Do you? Anyways, since you've said so, i'm gonna not do anything.
you say wan huh~ liddat better, no need spend money *turns away*

more and more strike-off-s on my calendar. hee, taking the pleasure to knowing how many days are LEFT till october. a kinda motivation when you -strike it off- woooooo..the feeling is the BEST ah!

listening to J J's dou jiang you tiao. my current favourite hit. *muack*

happie happie san today.

san signs off. 12:38 PM
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Watched Be With You, this jap show, with him last night.

......brain freeze.......

san signs off. 2:12 PM
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Hello sandra, can you kindly annouce your age? 20+.
Then why ain't your thinking opening up? Why is it still lingering at the child-like range?
I don't know.

I'm really trying. Yet, leopard can't change its spot. Nevertheless, never did I ever give up on believing I'll do better the next time.
And here I am, screwed again~ ;(

upset him this morning with my racing doubts. It was all unintentional, my dear. It's not about you, it's about me not being able to trust. And not saying, I can't trust you, but this general word trust don't seem to grow in me, a long long time ago.. But you alerted me that I'm the one who restricted myself to trusting others and the specially mentioned - that's you, peow. I've strained your patience day by day as clock ticks.

my closest-to-me colleague said, we won't get together and walk down the aisle if things continue to head this direction. I was sadded to hear that from an outsider, he should have feel it even stronger.

He is getting tired, I know. I'm playing with fire, I knew.

Lost and Helpless.

dear i love you. I wanna you to grow stronger in my love and not weaker. I wanna you to be smiling everytime i'm with you and not frowning. But all these, I still have much more to learn. Will you give me time, I will make all these come true, bit by bit.

Firstly, I promise I'll not doubt you again. As much as I'm trying and reminding myself now. Please don't abandon your faith in me. Please.

san signs off. 10:52 AM
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