After much resistance, san rediscover her principles.

The past two days, drowning myself in deepdeepdeep sorrows
even me myself can't pull myself..That's how out of hand it could be..Thing got worse when I have to hide those tears from my dearest daddy and mummy.Sitting in the living room, suddenly thoughts of mi&him drawn tears to my eyes.No choice but to rush back to my room and release my miseries.I was really miserable.Very to a point I've already lost control of it.Kept looking at our photos, looking at the past emails he had sent me, looking at his sms-es, looking at the candy he once gave to pacify me..These things just made me go on indulge in crying.I can't give him up was the only thought in my mind then.I saw those times with him around, they were too heavy to lift away from my brain.Refuse to reveal the breakup news to daddy and mummy was b'coz I gave them so much confidence he's gonna be my only one in life, he's gonna be my husband.Indeed, I was very confident.But, it was only on my part that I've gave too much thought to this r/s.I've put in too much to now having great difficulties to withdraw.Drove myself insane, acting weirdly at home, wetting my pillow sheet day and night was all b'coz I'm always thinking too much. Have to apologise to this someone, you've tolerated my heartfelt 'assumptions' for almost 8months.

No matter how sad I am, I have to wake up one day.No one's encouragement could motivate me to move on, only can pull through with my own determination.On my bed, I laid down.Washing my face with tears again.Selected 'my inbox', opening each sms of his.Felt so loved and in love.But that was all in the past.I slowly deleted them one by one, each one as I pressed 'delete', I cried even louder.Having breathing difficulty..But I know if I continue looking at all those messages every day and night, I can never move on.It was a dream that has dramatically lasted for almost 8months.It was a fairytale that I wished upon to be real.Left 5messages of his in my inbox, those I just can't bring myself to remove.When I'm stronger, I'll write them on a paper and keep it somewhere, till then I will delete them away.I really love this somebody so much.But guess our character is the problem, what he wants and what I need are clashing.Always, I'm escaping to learn the truth.Now, I'm forced to face the music, we're not suitable.Thought we began as friends, somemore good friend, very good friend, we'll live happily ever after.I was wrong.When can I make a right choice?Not only I lost a lover, I've missed out a wonderful friend.Once, he was my best guy friend, one who I trusted alot alot.Now, I've nothing.Never mention it to this someone before, now this someone shall know.You mean so much to me, you were my best friend, the man I loved the most, my everything.To let go this everything, I don't know how long it will take, but I'll try.I promise.

The thing that keeps me going in this r/s was my wishful preparation for the future.I still have alot of things to do for him.I've planned to do so many things..including his birthday celebration i've finish planning for it.Even did research, was real silly of me I know.Don't laugh at me okay, I just want him to be very happie.But to know he was feeling pressurised with me around at times.His friends' company is more comfortable than mine, I'm a big failure gurlfren.How to not let go, wanting him to be happie so badly yet in the end I'm the one causing his unhappiness.Feeling guilty, sorrie~

Maybe I'll still cry every night from now, but just praying for the day to regain my cheerful self.One day..I know I can make it.

This someone, how can I ever forget youuu..
This song 'For the first time', speaks how I feel for you.