Saturday, November 27, 2004

Fate.
Do I know you?

San wonders.

Tonight a hard one for me.
Spending it with throbs and throbs of acute pain right from my heart.
No elaboration.

I'm getting to see a gurl who I hate to be growing rapidly within me.
Over-dosed submissiveness.
Overly not self-centred.
Why am I like that????
I hate myself now.

Has my mum hit the bull-eye?
I'm not r/s-compatible at this age.
I shouldn't commit myself.

SheeSsh~

San's heartpain only has indication of drowning deeper.
You are certain it will cause me sadness, still you went ahead with it.
I'm muted by everything you've done today.

Really switching from affirmed to bewildered.

I missed those sweet honeymoon days.

san signs off. 11:20 PM
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Friday, November 26, 2004

Thanx my dearest sweetiEs!
Your advices are all taken to my heart register. ^-^

Things do go haywire.
San has to admit it.
Blames no one for all these sunken felts over the last few days.

This r/s crossed another love hurdle.
Or it was me who has defeated another contradicting struggle.
Whatever it is, things are picking up once again.
Perhaps when one is too busy, frowning at each other becomes.. Childish?
When we are running outa time together, overlooking those unresolvable issues becomes a norm between us.

Give & Take.
The essence of love I guess.
A valuable lesson.
Priceless acknowledgement.

These 2days were at Chinese High for a Forum on Creativity of Arts, Science & Technology.
Hafta be there at around 7am.
My most beloved H2 sent me there for the 2days.
How sweet. *san's melting*
Hmm, something he has proven me wrong this time.
He will do sucha thing once out of the blue for me.

Oh yah, yc told me he got himself a gf.
Happie for him.
But hoping he isn't saying or doing things trying to spike me.
Aniways, she will be a lucky gurl I would say.

Working in Olive has been pretty fun.
2weeks there, karen (intern-fren) & I has successfully handled 2 events.
Though we are not in the planning process, being part of the operation is a big stepping stone for the both of us.
We are proud of ourselves!
Very tiring. -_-
Heez.
Our collegues are pretty sociable.
Though our 'uncle' is leaving for NS, the time at the registration booth was so laughter-tempting.
Karen & I will never fail to suan him~! *giggles*
My direct supervisor, Linda, she is like a mother to me.
She is direct and stern. And alittle sarcastic at times.
But overall, I still find her nice.
Not intimidating at least. :)

My dearie's sleeping?
No idea.
He is not in the mood tonight 'coz of his dull job schedule.
Mi cheer u up tomorrow okay honey? *muAckiEeSsssss*

One night without reaching your warmth is untolerating.
Dazing at you before resting my eyes became a habit for nights with you around.
A habit is sooo addictive.
Gonna continue to cultivate it.

Intention to stop?
Unidentified.

san signs off. 11:26 PM
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

I really love you alot.
*sobbing*

Listening to Fish Leong's L.I.E.
In short, you see it as lie.
It actually represents Love Is Everything.

It unfolds all those avoided thoughts of the day.
Pressing my emotions to acknowledge it.

Sucha weakling me.

Saw him.
He came to see me.
A very confused state.
Happy.
And not knowing what's happy.
Wanna hug him.
Wanna find comfort in his kisses.
Wanna tell him I'm happy to see you.
None.
I don't know what I should do.
Not doing it 'coz really scare of me not able to pick myself up if there's any mishaps to this love.
But am I right to have not done what my heart directs.
I don't know.

*L.I.E again*

Don't brood over the past.
That's what you said.
We can't go back to the past.
You consoled.
We still have the future.
You persuaded.

Yes. We do have a future.
That's obstructed by an invisible gurl.
Who I've never met before.
Who lives in your heart.

I love you.
The 3 words lost its significance.
You whispered in my ears.
However.
This love has boundary.

I love you.
Too much.
Got hurt.
Just as much.

san signs off. 11:17 PM
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What's with me?
Knowing alot of things can't be amended 'coz it has already passed..
Yet they possessed great potential to still stab me so so so painfully.
If rubbing salt on a wound is bad enough, then I think how I feel now is worse.

Labelling it yours doesn't necessary means it's under your possession.
Worse of all, holding on to something which is never yours.
Will things turn for the better?
God knows.

Why lead me into believing that you could be mine and no one else's, when you yourself is having reservations.
Why let me become so helpless and worthless when you have not been sure of what you want.
Why hold my hands and make me yours when your heart's not ready for it.
Can someone answer all these?
Why..

Why am I suffering in her shadow.
Why must you treasure the one who hurt you so much and take the one who go all the way out for granted.
Can someone answer to me?
Why..

When can I be your one&only one.
When will you put the 3years' memories behind.
After hearing you out, it makes me more unsettled with those unsaid past of you&her.
When will you open up all those to me.
Even if it's gonna be so heartpiercing, I will still wanna know.
There shouldn't be secret between us isn't it?

I can never be her.
I'll never be the one who can be showered with all your unconditioned love.

You're not looking for a perfect gurl.
Even so, this imperfect gurl doesn't seems to be me.

Tears are drying up.
Heart is dying.

Nothing I do is substantial.

You said you'll tell me whether I'm your deepest love when the day comes.

Then let me predict.

The day won't come.

san signs off. 9:36 PM
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Sunday, November 21, 2004

-From LeeHua's-
This is so like me! Heez


You=Which Naruto Character?

san signs off. 1:01 PM
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WOW~
It has been a week since san3 blogged.
Miss reading frens' bloggies SOoooOOo muCh..
Got myself alittle updated from past timeline. *smilEs*

ITP is the biggest issue in most of my classmaties' entries.
Haha. No doubt, it's more or less the same for mine.
~duh~ =P
Slogging at work with no fixed working timeframe is terrible-terrible!
Nothing surprising for us to wake up 5 early in the morning.
Nothing wow-ing to see us dragging our feets home 11 late in the night.
That's how work is like in suCha small-sized event company.

But but but

San3 sees pleasure working in Olive.
Charged up my knowledge base with tremendous input.
The real-life and hands-on experience within this 6days, has brightened up my eyes for this industry.
Tiring and biting away seconds and minutes of my time is a no-no.
But other than that, it fits in my interest aspect perfectly well.

Shan't go into details what I've been exposed to, there's just too much for me to put into words.
Logbook! I'll update you instead. Heez.

Working means lesser time with him.
Funny that he said he would rather I work in RC.
'coz at least it's working hours are fixed and can have more time to be with him.
Miss him alot now.
We watched The Incredibles last night.
-OhYah! It's goOoood peepS! CAtch IT!-
Went home like 3am. Only a few hours from now that he's not by my side.
But this kinda feeling, my eyes not meeting his contracts my heart.
So uneasy.
I need him.
That night I teared while spending it beside him.
He wiped away my tears, hugged me tighter and it gushed more tears.

'coz one day
without his rough-making hands
without his tenderness wrapping all around me..

This thought saddens myself even more after hearing what he said.
Can't figure out whether he does mean his words or he was really joking.
But judging from how much I know him, he should have meant it.

Everytime.
I'm so fortunate to have found him.
And have him mine.
Sometimes.
Seeing the limitations in his love.
Tore my heart.
Screwed my day.

Have a very bad hunch.
Every inch as I sinked deeper, there's no turnback.
No more retreat. Anymore.
In the end, I may fall so hard that I couldn't stand up again.
But still, the daunting foresight failed to shoo me away.

A 3-days forum at Chinese High School from wed-fri.
My 2bosses gave me a chance to go with them to meet a client.
So from tue to fri, I'm in superb formal attire.
Another very packed week.

Juniee..MissU!
Qiqi!!Forgets to msg you before you left for thai!! MEet up soon okAY
Lei~~Don't bully my junjun hohhhh.. kekee
Mony ahh..don't keep club club n club siaaa.. Club-chiongster!
Joyceee..Heard ya working at Tuas?TAke care okay..Hope to seeU for tennis next saturday..
Nana..*smilEs*

san signs off. 10:48 AM
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Sunday, November 14, 2004

*Enormously X-Large Yawn*
PeepS! Lethargy is all over me. -_-
San's body feels like a wriggling worm.
Possesses such high tendency to collapse on moi comfY bed and not getting up for the rest of today. Haha.

Friday was the tragic start of my dreadful itp adventure.
Reported fort work at 2pm. Ended like 730pm when the official knockOff time is 6pm!
So already suffering in the fate of working overtime on the VERY 1ST DAY!
What was san doing there then?
I was actually filling up the participants' name on over hundreds of Certificate Of Participation.
Hmmm..Oh by the way, I'm working in Chinatown.
An event company - Olive Consulting Group.
Then tomorrow which is monday and tuesday, will be at Grand Corptorne Hotel (spelt correctly?).
Exposure time! Open to a real convention. Should be a kinda congress 'coz lotsa professors of the science medical field will be attending. oOooo..
Heez. And guess what?! I'm the usherer!!! -_- So hafta dress ultra formal!
'coz I'm tall enough I think.
Anyways, guess it's gonna be quite inspiring.
Hafta observe and learn~!! *ObjectiVE of the day*

Lesser time with dearie is undoubtedly true when itp takes place.
Qi&Gil is the best illustration. After thai trip, they hardly really went out.
*Sigh* Somemore his studying course is commencing on tuesday,can expect even lesser chances to meet up le...
While working, too busy that can't reply his messages. -How Sad-

Yesterdaymorning, played tennis with the usual guys though some didn't turn up!
Joyce Benny Alvin Jeremy YongJia and some school team gurls. Of course including my dear sp.
GOSH! My forehand suCKSZ! Luckily backhand still okay. Haiz.
Hope I could run around in the tennis courts every saturdayS!
Grant my wish plEASEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *bEG.Beg*
And went to Holland Village for lunch.
And I saw Sylvester!Olinda! And taufik
Don't really favour taufik.
Practically I stood up and ran forward of the restaurant to have a better look.
YeapS~you can bet, Sylvester is soOoooo coOOol.
He had his hair in ash purple. The colour qiqi has want it before!! *melting...* haha
Okay enough of Sg Idol.

Rest of the saturday, he was with his chinaYEP friends and me wenta cut my hair.
Lucky me!!! Abouta walk out of bugis control station, i saw qiqi!
Haha. What a coincidence. She just knock off from work. Poor them, still hafta work a fullday on a satURDAY.
So she accompanied to Chapter2.
And it's so.. ..ironically..after my hairblow, i look like The Champion's evil gurl - Yi Lin!!!!
hahaa..But 'coz the gurl didn't put my fringe properly.
Like my hairDo! Needless to say.. hahaa..
Wanted to cut like even before my examSsss.. Finally fINalLy FINALLY!
HEez.
Bought a black corporate pants from G2000.
Me refused to try after teh 1st try,'coz alot of people are queueing up!
Went home and tried it. Not bad~ Quite okay.
Borrowed a black jacket from Osky. kekee..She slimed down quite abit! =) *smilEs wide*
So, my entire wear is done for work on mon&tues
Can make it for the 2days Gambatte San3!

Missing my dearieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Later gonna give him my fullest support for his tennis open 1st game.
It's tough. Both mental and physical wise. And he didn't slept well lastnight.
May things go well for him. *Praying for blessing*
He'll sure panicked and that will affect his performance.
"Will calm you down dearie!"

Is everyone doing very well?
Like Ying? Like nana? Like daphne who's suppose to come for tennis?
Like juniE? hMmmm.. Alot alot more..
Osky meet up with ya sOon next week~~

People.. Miss SansAn yAh~~ ^-^

san signs off. 1:05 PM
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Thursday, November 11, 2004

PeoplE!! San gonna have her itp rolling tomorrow! -_-
Seeing ying's entry, itp at sunny travel really sucks tonS&tonS huh~~
But which itp doesn't right.. .. Haiz.
San'll be joining into the compulsory boring fun.. ... *puKEs*

Missing that junNiE~~~~~~~~ alottt..
Wondering is she doing just finE.. Are you guRl?
*blow Strength into jUn*
WANNA CATCH UP WITH YOU SOON!

Haven't tidy up my shopping evidenceS! HeeZz
Everywhere you can see their traces.
On my bed. On the floor. Behind the door. In the washing machine.
Hmmm.. where else huh? kekeee..
----Pure LazinESS----

Thoughts straying to buy a new wardrobE!
So that all my clothes have a decent space for each and every self.
Miserable state of my present wardrobe!
Piling those folded tops up. B'COZ running out of space to HANG.
And junniE said, we shouldn't let that to restrict what we are gonna wear for the day!
Which really make ultra lots senSe.
Normally you'll be too reluctant to swarm your hands into those big piles of clothes and instead, will simply pick the few most reachable ones.
Wrong wRonG *shook head* That shouldn't be the WAY!

So when should I get a new storeROOM for my beloved dressiEs?
My 1st pay? Hmmmmm.........

Last night was with him. At his place.
The weirdest thing between us:
---We never REALLY quarrel BEfORE---
Yestermorning, we messaged like nothing BIG happened lastnight at all.
Yeah..JUnnie repeated&emphasized to me it was a SMALL thing.
Blessed with her words, we are now very fine!
When I reached his place, lastnight's bitter memories were washed awayyyyy..
LoveYou H2! SoOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo mUch.

Oh yAh! Did I mention I lost 50Sing dollars!?
SHould be in my wallet.
But search to no avail when I was home. *sigh*
Was planning to buy a mango top.
*hope clashED*

Let's use...

Measuring tape?

Measuring cylinder?

Nonooo..!!

..:My Love for you:..

Beyond measure

san signs off. 4:03 PM
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004

san3 is baCk to her blogging!

Thai trip was awesome! Bought lots and lots of stuFF~~
Tops.Earrings.Watches.Slippers.Jacket.
Got something for my family's each individual. *smilEs*
Hopefully they will appreciate san's tinyweeny effort. hEez.

He got a dress and one other thing for me in Thai. 'coz we weren't always together shopping.
So yeah, we have the 'priviledge' to STILL get each other somEthiNg. :)
Seriously didn't expect he would do so, but unexpected incoming gifts are astonishingly greAt!
muAck~!

The 1st day in thai wasn't pleasant enough.
I was unhappy. And so was him.
'coz we were more like going on our separate ways. Which kinda defeat the purpose of asking him along.
The next day, it went fine. hmm..after some talking? Guess so.. I wasn't even aware that he was pissed till he said so. Only thought he wasn't paying much attention on me. Which i think i had a misconception this time.
Everything was sweet. ANd nice. Especially got jUnnie with me.
She 'protected' me against all those doggiEs! And chatted with me through the night.
Shopped with me on those 'totally question-mark' places. And we gUrls roCk okay.
We didn't got LOST at least. keke. *proUd of ourselves* =p

The tiger show -- gurls stripping their bikini's bottom.. doing stunts with their vagina!
God~~ NOt a BIT appealling. either old n skinny or young and fat!
What a good combination huh~~~ -_- hahaa..
A new kinda exposure. Which i wouldn't go for it a 2nd time. oOoops =X

okokiee..I'm yawning already. Wanna sleep again.
Missing my dearie. Hasn't got away with lastnight's unhappiness.
Hopefully by tonight everything'll turn out just nice.

san signs off. 1:29 PM
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Friday, November 05, 2004

Away on holidAYs!

PeepSs!! tennis wen im back yeAhZ~

san signs off. 9:36 PM
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Thursday, November 04, 2004

GBE! No friend of mine~ San doesn't want this friend!!
Gbe project I was motivated. Gbe exam? SPARE ME!

Just now was having a undesirable thought.
That was to give up on NAFTA n AFTA's part.. Not 'coz no time for it.
BUttttttttttttttttttT someone's too into holiday mood already~ -_-"""""
Okay lah, luckily I seek for my friend's opinion whether to forgo it.
So yep, I'm done with it. *phEw*

Ming Ming heng Ai Ni~
It simply means you love this person alot. And everyone can easily spot your love.
The song So sad right. Knowing your liking for that special one is unimaginerably strong..yet you can't move closer. 'coz there's someone who's just faster than you. Got by his/her side.
Before you could.
Never will I be the slower one in meeting my right gUy
'Coz the right gUy is U.
And I could see me by Ur side.. ...

Computer's gonna abandon me! It kept on throwing its tantrum!
So much temper huh~~!!
Hang And hAngEd anD it's hUng~
Struggling san restarted and logOff again&again. Almost strangled by my frustration.

Friday my friend~ nonooo..not you gbe! kekee
Tomorrow will come in no time. Idol later!
7-10pm. Exclusively for my eyes to feast On~ hEez..

san signs off. 5:16 PM
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It's 1:13am.
Still with gbe notes! Haha~ Only kept my butt on it like 10pm? Orhhh hohhh~~~ right?
Heez *bigHugeGigglEs*

Just received a sms from him!
A sugarie one. Gonna get me love-diabetics any minutez.
Even if it's so, I'm still helluva willing to.
Reading it let me to come out from GBE's shadow. Awhile~ *satisfactory enough*
Ladder49.Hmm..Anyone can tell me what's this show about??
I've totally no idea when i read his msg.. Didn't reply him 'coz he should be gonna sleep already.
Goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I miss him terribly~
Friday where are you? I need my honey to be back..

This afternoon got a 'wetbucket' all over me. Haha~ don't get it wrongly.
I meant disappointed lahh =p 'coz no goodluckie from him.
But knowing he's busy, I consoled myself very well this time round *clapclap* Heez
He called for 1min59sec --I checked **OoooppSSsss** *bluSh* that I actually wenta cHECK!
Hearing his voice is my only lovesick medicine. Effectiveness is proven to be temporary.
Was jumping&hopping around like a madO! Next moment, as it subsides, I went glum again.
Really miss him..
Friday where are you? I want my honey to be back..

Tam paper wasn't as easy as I thought it will be. A killer paper I would say.
Beats around the bush for a simple answer. Anyways should fare not too badly.
*praying hard for me&ying&jun&qi&lei* hahaa.. lei wouldn't need my prayers at all!
Nevermind..I give it to you. Distinction is my goal set for you LeiZ!! =p

okokiee..It's gbe time again! Gonna mug till like another 1hour time.
But ifffffffff, i mean if lah, I doze off then just TOO BAD. kekee..
LuckiEs people!

san signs off. 1:12 AM
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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Saw that??
It's his taggie! HEez..Though it's like so ke-qi, still i'm more than glad to just read it.
Wanna give him 1sensual passionate red lipstick mark! But san doesn't put on any cosmetic, so forget about even foundating a thin layer on moi lipS~ kekeEz..

Kiss all over you.

Did I said something like..
He verbally called out San, the night when I was at his place.
It's for the very 1st time. That I heard that.. ..
That tone is lingering in my head till now. Felt so close to my heart~~~
Maybe it's nothing special for him to call me that, but..Erm..
Perhaps only san can feeeeel it. ;)

Later gonna take my 2nd last paper. FreakZ! It's only the 2nd last! When most of my friends are having their last paPer today. God! Life's real unfair huh~
Thinking about studying gbe makes me wanna faint.
Wonder whether he'll remember to wish me good luck for my paper later..
For all 3papers, he did. Hopefully it's not hanging at the back of his mind. *smilEs*

Morning when I woke up, my world seems to be hollow. Somehow I could hear echos.
Too spacious. Staring blankly at nowhere.

I miss him. Is he.. ..?

san signs off. 11:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

What excited me the most today?
A phonecall of his from HongKong. **Isn't that obvious =p**
He called me the moment when he had just checked into the hotel. Too happie for words~
'coz I really thought he wouldn't call me at all.
Don't question why I've sucha thinking. Just a hunch. Which had proven to be faulty!
San's feeling much much much relieved after seeing his message.
And I let him know, I'm gonna suck dry all the love in him.

Junnie's struggling over gbe already. I'm revising tam. No intention to touch gbe.
Tomorrow after the paper, even if it's to burn midnight oil, i'll burn off all the info into me.

Ying has been a very good consultant~ *one big hugGie for U*
Straightened my thoughts alittle.
My brudder is an excellent counsellor too! His words are..erm~impressively sensible! haha
He said, look at a problem with no complicationS. Actually the answer is easy. The only clue given was - simplicity peepS! ]
Similar to a game he asked me to solve previously. Within a box, split it into 8 similar shapes.
You guys can solve it? Don't look below for the answer first!!

It's sooo simple. draw 7straight lines across. And there you gooo.. 8equal retangular shapes.

Moral of the story. We people are too sophiscatedly polluted. We think too much.
My lethal weak spot. Think too much.
See it with your naked eyes. Sometimes it does help.
As answer has always been there right infront of you.

san signs off. 6:56 PM
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Something is not in place right now.
Someone who is so much significant is nowhere seen. Nowhere heard. Least to say about felt.
Nowhere in presence.

These remaining 2papers shall bring me through this vaccumed period.

Lifting my eyelids open. On the bed, there's only a Me.
Kinda weird~ That's his house. His bed. But there's no him.
Waking up, dazing into a zone that I could see him. Vaguely.
Still, i'm already satisfied for that while.

Yesterday was such a sinful day. Trust me when I said that.
1stly, I didn't head for home straight. 'Mouth exercise' at cck with ying.
Not ready to study also, so might as well go out right~~
Talk and talk and talk. She managed to knock some senses into me with her advices.
By the time I was home, feeling much better.
That session lasted for 4hours plus! oOoooppSss
2ndly, never touch all my notes.

Only good thing I've done was -- going to his place. Last minute's decision though.
Luckily I went, if not he'll be disappointed. Right? =p

mIssing you..
Patiently looking forward. mUack!

san signs off. 1:21 PM
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