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i need you.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Now San3 having reservation. Questioning how depressed she can deprive herself to. How she wish. How she hope. She prays to be blessed with all the happiness in this world. She knows perfectly it's of course not practical to harbour such a thought. Nevertheless, a simple dream like that bubbles a ray of hope before her. A dream within her, which is so beautiful. Too enchanting that she got disconnected with the freaky horrible hideous reality. San is too idealistic. Especially when it comes to love. A part of her that can't be removed. it's as if it exists because of her. Still pursue-ing this dream. Unattainable it may seem. Unreachable people will say. Have more realism in herself most will criticise. All these critics don't seem to be working well enough. 'coz San has never give up hope when comes to chasing after a long awaited dream. Even if it couldn't be realised, she'll continue this faith of hers.

Was slapped tight by his words last night. Maybe he was too fed up at that point. However, this reason failed to subside the instant pain as I read the sms.
Stop pressing me for answer when I don't wish to answer. It will only worsen.
I stared. I stared. And stared at my handphone. I couldn't believe what I'm seeing is real. I couldn't accept he actually spoke to me in such a tone. With such harsh wordings. I couldn't deem what's my eyes looking at. Out of the sudden, it was as if I've just woke up from a long long long sleep. I don't know him after all. All along thought I had understand him well. A very wrong perception. No one will comprehend my feeling at that second. My heart's cold. Darkness winded across me. Can reckon nothing but fear. Can fathom no love but disgust. Why am I receiving a treatment like that. Compelling my stubborn mind to sleep yesternight. Couldn't. Till 5am plus then I lost conscious totally. He doesn't mean to hurt me on deliberate, but still he did. The scar is there now and I really hope I could hide it well in the future. I sucks at relationship even experiencing so many once. I learnt nothing but knowing the guy who I love will always end up placing so many love wounds to my fragile heart.

Never will I lose faith in believing love plays a crucial leading role on my stage of life. I only lost confidence in myself. Am I still up for it? I can't keep doubts in my mind, yet he doesn't allow any discussion on any of my doubts. He is an egoistic man. Typical one who cares so much about himself. Neglecting my inner thoughts and feelings. Forgetting I'm also a human being with sentiments. Putting behind San is a mere gurl with weak emotions. Once I told myself he is the right man for me definitely. Now I don't know. Time shall tell more about it.

He is a good friend. Not a good boyfriend. Not a bad boyfriend. Just not good.

My friend said something like that, which I can't help nodding my head vigorously.
Life Sucks. Love Hurts.

Under my edition.
Life Sucks.Yet Life Glows in Love.
Though Love Hurts.It taught us what's Love.


san signs off. 9:44 PM
_________________________________________________________

p r i n c e s s . s a n 3


life's too short to devote time dwelling over irreversible facts.

in my life, I wish upon eternal happiness with all my loved ones.

a bonus will be to see myself at the top of my career in another few years' time.

LIKES

1. Being appreciated by him.
2. Have all his love and attention.
3. Yakking nonstop with all my buds, anywhere anytime.
4. INSANE SHOPPING :)


Peaceful Exits

.ling. .daphne. .monica. .yuying. .shinleei. .anna. .benny. .joyce. .venassa. .amanda. .ruixiang. .givany. .jialin. .weijun. .elaine. .joycee. .jasline. .bro. .ying.

.photos.

The Past

June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
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April 2005
May 2005
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September 2005
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December 2006
January 2007
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January 2008
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June 2009
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