i need you.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Have You Ever
by Brandy
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad you can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?
Have you ever...?
Have you ever...?
Have you ever...?
Have you ever been in love?
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away
You'd give anything, oh
To make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart?
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad you can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?
Have you ever...?
Have you ever...?
Oh
Have you ever found the one
You dreamed of all your life
You'd do just about anything
To look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there?
And all you can do is wait
For the day when they will care
Have you ever loved sombody?
[So much]
So much
[Makes you cry]
Makes you wanna break down and cry
[Somethin' so bad]
So, so bad
[Sleep at night]
Have you ever tried to find the words but the don't
[Come out right]
Oh, have you ever?
Have you ever, ever, ever...?
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby?
What do I gotta say to get to your heart?
To make you understand
How I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause baby I can't sleep
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad you can't sleep at night?
Have you (have you...have you ever needed)ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?
Have you ever...?
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad you can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?
Have you ever...?
Have you ever, ever, ever...?
Oh, have you ever...?
I love you honey soonpeow.. So so so much.. Now that I'm busy and so are you, it fights away fogs in the air, telling me I need you and you're playing a more ultra important role in my life which I've thought otherwise in the past. This song is actually not very practical 'coz you're already mine =X but overlooking those lines, it's significantly speaking from my heart. Though I'm very tired now after struggling those reports reports and still REPORTS, your images are still functioning well in my drainy brain. Out of those possibility frames to see you appearing outside the tennis courts today. Really astonished to see you. Can you imagine how happy I was? =) lOve you even more for that.
More matches on this coming saturday. Next singles and doubles. Lucky me to get pass with my 1st single match. Pretty big raindrops wet the courts this afternoon. It stopped in time for our matches to commence. *smilEs* Very glad to see mony improves much much and won her game. *thumbs up gurl!* Jiehao, though you've no more games for this novice, your skills are relatively good. Just needa brush up on consistency and plus alil more tiny luCk huh~ Daph, hope to get some good result this saturday for our doubles =)) And giv, one more good match experience you've gained this afternoon. Sure you'll do better for next year's open and novice. mUAcks people! dat joyce and don, there's nothing much for me to comment. Both won their matches. So yeah, keep it up peeps! As for lastly, benny. Get it going with your doubles partner don!! Rule the doubles dude. Ooops =X forgetting benedict's doubles too. They are just as powerful. haha. okokie.. Good luckies to everybody. Including those who are having tough times over projectsZ!! Strive agAin!
Still.. Nites dearie. Love you. HOpe you'll read this and the lyrics okay. -know you'll skip the reading of lyrics part* =P
san signs off. 1:04 AM
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Barefoot in the kitchen? Not any more, my friends! With the help of your fairy godmother, you've miraculously found your very own Prince Charming, foot fetish aside. Live happily ever after, Cinderella, you're movin' on up!
Is my prince charming you my dear.. keke.. Just like the beauty and the beast we saw in Chinese Garden yesterday. Im totally excited over taking photos with them. Not fantastic, but at least he's with me..Enjoying every moments with those flashes of sweet memories..
san signs off. 10:32 PM
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Very stressed up here.
This friday, FM report due.
Next monday, GBE report.
Next tuesday, GBE presentation, THL report.
Next thursday, THL presentation.
Next friday, CM report.
How sucky school life can be. -sighing loudly- Haiz!!
Just finish the GBE edition. Haven't start with MFM logo. Haven't got done with the animation. Doing it over this saturday 'coz he's working. Sunday doing GBE presentation. Totally shitty! Haiz again and again. Knowing it won't be in any help but just cant help doing so. Everyone's going through this hard time. Gotta juggle with accademic wise stuff plus your bf/gf plus other commitments. Life hasn't been any easy huh peeps~ We'll get through it no matter what. 'coz we simply have to.
Seeing my honey. Listening to his voice. Having him by my side. Crossing his fingers with mine. All of those soothens my heart at this point of time. I need him but he's not here with me. Not 'coz he doesnt want to but 'coz he cant. Understand that perfectly. A call from him or even a msg consoles me and make me going. *miss you alot*
Tomorrow marks the first game of my tennis novice. Hmm. Hopefully I will get through it well. Too stressed up to think positively.
Still. Needs my honey. Badly.
Loveyou sweetie. Take care over these hectic days of yours.
san signs off. 8:19 PM
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Sunday, September 26, 2004
Loathes to wake up and having difficulty in breathing. Heart raced as if there were horses galloping to get out from my body. Terrible. Dreadful start of a sunday.
GBE report on risk analysis of Philippines. -Marked DONE- Last night was editing the entire report till pretty late in the night. 'coz gotta meet up junnie&wafi later for FM project, so forced myself to continue typing from where I stopped. Sucky feeling to know that you've plenty of things awaiting ahead for you to settle. SUcKs one hell time! Thank goodness, GBE is considered almost done, other than lei's conclusion. FM should be okay after laters. CM THL MFM. WOAH~! still got lotsa untied knots. Getting paranoid here. Pardon san.
Meeting Junnie at JurongEast at 3. Hmm. Must be effective which I think we will. 'coz friday is our submission date. Wonder later should I go and look for him.. Wonder should I stay over at his place tonight.. Wanna give his family the mooncakes. Erm.
So not ready for exams that are scheduled in week7. Week6 is our study week. Did I get my facts right peeps?? One week to swallow every module's notes into my brain. 5exam modules. FM CM GBE THL TAM. One CA module in week6. MFM. Heard it's gonna be tough. Life sure suCks. Arghhhhhhhhhh
Trying to disperse all those bad feelings within me. -Sigh- Huge loads still growing in me.
I believe in myself. I can conquer them and not the other way round. =)
Tennis games next week. 1st singles on wed. 1st doubles on sat. Bless me~
san signs off. 1:40 PM
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Friday, September 24, 2004
Just got home from town. Another shopping timeout for this month. Met up with Osky. Then benny joined us at a much later part. A guy with 2 gurls? And doing shopping? Gossssshhhhh.. He said he wanna 'shan xin' that's why tag along. -_-"" kekE.. But alright lah, he didn't interrupt our important mind therapy for the day. *smilEssss*
Brain exhaustion. Seems to have alot of thoughts in my mind. Yet none floats up at this present moment. Too drained out must be the cause.
Tomorrow gotta be in school by 830am. For tennis games. Just to empire the games. Nothing much but hafta help out.
Missed him. Came to school to meet me for like 3mins. So glad to see him. Really. But physically too tired to express it. Sorry honey~ Wanted to go down to see him still even after he had drove to SP. But in a rush to go to clubhouse and meet osky. So gotta forgo that this once. mUAcksSs lOVeyA honey!
san signs off. 10:45 PM
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
"They say that there are only four people that we are going to meet as we journey thru this life...
> -own self
> -the one you love most
> -the one who love you most
> -the one you're going to spend with the
> rest of your life
In life, firstly you will meet the one you love most, and learn how love feels; because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who loves you most.
When you experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you will find the most suitable person for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.
Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.
The only you love most doesnt love you,the one who love you most is never the one you love most.
And the one youll spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most.
He just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time."
Reading this e-mail made me stepped back alittle. Though it's pretty a norm to hear such a thing, still my heart went OOoUchh upon reading that.
What a phrase. -Happens to be at the right place at the right time- This kinda coincidentality is a tragedy to me. Extremely okay if you understand.
Now can't help to think to him which status belongs to me. Sweetie if you happen to read this, perhaps you could respond to me..
I'm very much stressed up now. In this class, thinking of doing FM project that's gonna due next friday, later after school. Boredness kills me. Somebody just kill me. I don't really mean it but..
I hate life sometimes.
Wish to lead a very simple life right now. Perhaps that's the after effect of too much unwanted pressures from projects and knowing I'm not even 1% prepared for my EXAMS! Playing tennis eat leisure stuff everyday.. Oooo.. that's what I want. But that's also what that's impossible unless .. hMmm.. when I've retired and have loads of money with me to do whatever I like. Of course spending it with my love ones is the best fantasy of all.
san signs off. 4:16 PM
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
OOoo..
Another busy busy busy scheduled day. Projects all the way since the school bell rang for dismissal! Which is like 3pm till now. 10plus pm. *Exhausted*
Heez. But pretty satisfied with my presentation slides. About 3hours were dedicated to it. Searching for pictures. Customised animation. And colours. GOSh! My eyes are blurring away~
Felt extremely stressed up in BizIT library. Came to my mind that there's endless work waiting for me when I'm home kills my enthusiasm to do anything else.
My M'sia cousin gave me sorta surprise visit. Haha. That's Shan!! She waited for me at my place for about 1hour I guess. So when I'm home, she's about to leave too. Luckily she's still dropping by next tuesday. kEke.. Can do some catching up. Yeah~~!!!
Really didn't expect sp to appear at my doorstep just now. He came down not after his work. He washed up and stuff already, still ride infront of me with my all time favourite - CUrry Puff. Only for a moment he stayed. 'coz my stuff is waiting for me still. His presence perked me up definitely. And yesh, I'm on cloud nine. ") mUAcks honey. That's for you. Only.
So tired now.. Gotta finish some personal assignment now. HEez =X Tomorrow have to dress in formally for the TAM presentation. -Sigh- It means more clothings to bring. Heavy load again.
-_-
Nites people. Catch'up again soon.
san signs off. 11:39 PM
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
Those gurls stayed till pretty late today. -Xin Ku Ni Men Le-
kekee..
Anyways, we did more crapping bitching gossiping than any TAM or GBE. *tougue out* Oh yah!! Of course not forgetting to FILL our pathetic tummies! HEez. More of like Junnie&San, the hungry freakies. keke. KFC plus PizzaHut. Each pays about 10bucks. Not a bad bargain~ Nice Qi ate up the drumstickie which I HATE to swallow. All time Hatred in foodie. Haha. So i got to eat my decliciousY breast meatie. hEez. Kept on laughing and laughing. Haha. *smilEs*
One big Hug for you honey! Plus a bonus kiss. MuaCcKKSss.
Feel my exclusive dedicating love? mUacksSssiEee x2
san signs off. 10:48 PM
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HellOOoo Everybody! Quite awhile since there's something new on my bloggie huh~ Wasn't home for like almost 3days. *yawNs*
Hmm. Let me roughly recall what happened over these days.
Gave my physical and mental support to him on friday. He played Mens' Doubles at Kallang Tennis Center. Too nervous, sure he was. Still, he won his match. 8-2. Disheartenedly, there wasn't enough players turn up. In another words, we considered walkover for the mixed doubles game. It led to a defeat looking at the overall scoring. Though that's the case, I personally think you've done a marvellous job as a captain sweetie and your team members who were present definitely done a good job.
Hope he has got over with his disappointment. One more experience for you to enrich yourself honey. *smilEs*
So yep. That's it for friday. Saturday. Sentosa!
HaHA. Sp&I woke up late. Supposingly meet at 11am harbourfront, yet we were only conscious till then. =p cAtch up with them at around 12plus. Giv&al weren't much earlier than us too. HEez. So not feeling that much of a guiltiness. Benedict's birthday! You've enjoyed the 'surprise' huh! kekez.. Took quite abit of photos. Played quite abit of games. Ate quite abit at Spizza in Harbourfront shopping center. Hmm. Not a fabulous day to end with sp's overwhelming tiredness. Speechless for word at this moment, thinking saturday was pretty fun.. ..Perhaps my current braindead-ness has retarded my feelings.
Sunday. Was home not more than 2hours from now. Missed my bed!! Missed my pillow. Missed my smell~~ *gross* haha. But I miss my honey even more at this point.
Waiting for lei jun qi wafi to come. Where are they?? I'm lazy to sms them. Worse come to worse, they gotta stay later to finish up TAM presentation slides. And GBE.
Parted with him. Just a few moment ago. Already start longing for his presence.. .. ..
san signs off. 1:13 PM
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Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Hmm.*ponders*
Today is a new beginning for him and me. Kinda starting things from scratch. A distant away sorta feeling. We both admit things are not the same after that cool off. I don't regard that as a quarrel at all. 'coz we really did not. Maybe he and I got a different concept towards a quarrel's definition. Anyways, differences between each individuals is another chapter of life for us to absorb, learn and digest. If not, ain't us dating another us? Isn't that kinda dull. I can't lead a boring life with no sparkles here and there. Colourful. Let it be. Colours sketch an unique scenario for everyone during various junctures. Colours may turn out not to be as appealing as we want it to be at times. But try to acknowledge it from another angle. Perhaps from there, you might discern an alternative angel from a devilish portrait. And there you go~ You gain something new out of nowhere. So you're still a winner.
So yep. I take myself and himself as a big winner this time. We took one step closer to know each other. Now we are getting fine. Got over those awkward moments of today though we didn't meet.
Missing him crazily helluva times! Loving him. Heart wanting to see him. Wanna be in his secured cuddling huggies. Wanna kisSs him tooZ! oOoops =x keke..
GBE is done for my part. Tomorrow gonna consolidate everything. Wafi better has done his as well. hMm. My part for MFM is flash. Oooo. Okay~ Nothing much to worry just pray for time time time. I'm always running out of time. Too many commitments and too many focus points.
Honey SoonPeow.You're mine. *goosebumpiEsSss* HEez.
san signs off. 1:25 AM
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Wanna know the power of love?
This is the power of love.
San is smiling from her heart right now.
Of course other than him, no one is capable of doing that.
Thanks honey.Thank you again here. *smilEs*
An unexpected e-mail from sp pulls over the gloomy sky above my head. Mr.&Ms. Sunshine found me again. Can't describe my pleasuring moments in exact words. I'm loss for words. Speechless. Muted by him. Heez.
Now I'm ready for my beauty rest. Hafta heal all my idiotic pimples on my face.
I mean every single words I've typed in that email.
LoveYa.
san signs off. 1:12 AM
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Monday, September 13, 2004
Now San3 having reservation. Questioning how depressed she can deprive herself to. How she wish. How she hope. She prays to be blessed with all the happiness in this world. She knows perfectly it's of course not practical to harbour such a thought. Nevertheless, a simple dream like that bubbles a ray of hope before her. A dream within her, which is so beautiful. Too enchanting that she got disconnected with the freaky horrible hideous reality. San is too idealistic. Especially when it comes to love. A part of her that can't be removed. it's as if it exists because of her. Still pursue-ing this dream. Unattainable it may seem. Unreachable people will say. Have more realism in herself most will criticise. All these critics don't seem to be working well enough. 'coz San has never give up hope when comes to chasing after a long awaited dream. Even if it couldn't be realised, she'll continue this faith of hers.
Was slapped tight by his words last night. Maybe he was too fed up at that point. However, this reason failed to subside the instant pain as I read the sms.
Stop pressing me for answer when I don't wish to answer. It will only worsen.
I stared. I stared. And stared at my handphone. I couldn't believe what I'm seeing is real. I couldn't accept he actually spoke to me in such a tone. With such harsh wordings. I couldn't deem what's my eyes looking at. Out of the sudden, it was as if I've just woke up from a long long long sleep. I don't know him after all. All along thought I had understand him well. A very wrong perception. No one will comprehend my feeling at that second. My heart's cold. Darkness winded across me. Can reckon nothing but fear. Can fathom no love but disgust. Why am I receiving a treatment like that. Compelling my stubborn mind to sleep yesternight. Couldn't. Till 5am plus then I lost conscious totally. He doesn't mean to hurt me on deliberate, but still he did. The scar is there now and I really hope I could hide it well in the future. I sucks at relationship even experiencing so many once. I learnt nothing but knowing the guy who I love will always end up placing so many love wounds to my fragile heart.
Never will I lose faith in believing love plays a crucial leading role on my stage of life. I only lost confidence in myself. Am I still up for it? I can't keep doubts in my mind, yet he doesn't allow any discussion on any of my doubts. He is an egoistic man. Typical one who cares so much about himself. Neglecting my inner thoughts and feelings. Forgetting I'm also a human being with sentiments. Putting behind San is a mere gurl with weak emotions. Once I told myself he is the right man for me definitely. Now I don't know. Time shall tell more about it.
He is a good friend. Not a good boyfriend. Not a bad boyfriend. Just not good.
My friend said something like that, which I can't help nodding my head vigorously.
Life Sucks. Love Hurts.
Under my edition.
Life Sucks.Yet Life Glows in Love.
Though Love Hurts.It taught us what's Love.
san signs off. 9:44 PM
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
Went through an e-mail. A part of it was.. ..
Everything will be fine in the end. If it is not, it is not the end yet.
Hmm. Graspe the significance of it? I think I did. Another part went like that.. ..
A kiss is just a kiss until u found the one you love.
A hug is just a hug until it's from the one you've always been thinking of.
A dream is just a dream until u make it come true.
Love will remain just a word until someone has proven it to you.
Superficial it may appear to be. But I doubt people really reckon its inner beauty of all these quotes. Have you?
Action speaks louder than words. A well-known rebute word technique we gurls use. Is it really true to say a person will became perfect in your eyes after you fall in love with him/her? I think it should be corrected -- .. .. when you are over hot heels with him/her. 'coz that's the time you lost your cool. Lost your ability to reason. Too engrossed.
Don't really know what I'm typing here. *bongus*
That day went Bras Basah for the restaurant interview. Only me and Qiqi. Haha. That vain Lei went to re-dye her hair so it explained her disappearance. She better like her colour or.. =x Bought a few things from Artfriend so as qi. Then we took neoprints! *laugh out loud* Nice~ Alittle bitchy~ Alittle.. Hmm. Funny!~ keke.
Today gonna finish the TAM graph analysis. Sian. Shall have my lunch first before anything. Or I might just forget to eat again. Later of the day, another mixed doubles match. A different partner. A different guy partner. Yah, losing morale when I'm very clear of this is a sacrificing game. Whatever. Anyways, will still try to play well. That's provided I can keep my coolness.
Everyone needs something to keep themselves going in life. Watched Terminal with Junnie that friday. Since a long while after we've gone out together. Just the 2 of us. Did quite alot of talking. The movie was funny~ Triggers our human's sympathy definitely. Our eyes went wet for a moment and the next we went hahaha. If you people are having second thoughts now of certain things, why not make one daring step out. This one step bears a thin difference on the plain surface of life. Yet, it lines a vast difference in reality. It goes beyond what we see. A brand new story to begin with. A total refreshing feeling.
Everyone needs something to keep themselves going in life.
If this something is you, will you be there for me as long as I call out for you?
What happens when the person who makes you smile whenever you cry becomes the person who make you cry now?
san signs off. 11:35 AM
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Friday, September 10, 2004
In life, hard to get a balance. Best of two worlds. Hardest thing on earth. So needless to even talk about best of three worlds huh~
I just pray to be as blessing as before when I see him again. Asking for nothing other than his wholehearted love with only sansan in it. No one else. I guess it isn't an unreasonable request. A demanding one to a certain degree. But still, that's the most minimum I want from you. Accede to it? Though he did not directly admit she still mean a thing to him. Thought he did not spell out that a small part of his soul is hanging on to her still. To both instances, he did not deny as well. So the answer is pretty translucent. He doesn't want to hurt me with his truly thoughts.
After so many heart-twining entires of mine, guess some is getting sick of reading them. My apologies. Was very lost. Seeking for a tiny solace in blogging. Stability of emotions is setting in. I'm recovering. Struggles kill lotsa water cells in my eyes. Time to put a stop to all. Get on with life. What's there I can never erase. However. What's not there yet, I can implant. Shall fix in more smiling emoticons into our relationship. Let's continue to put a grin in us.
Don't ask for more.
Only your heart.
In a picture.
Only Me and You.
san signs off. 11:10 AM
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too confused to pen down. Mixed feelings.
God. Or someone. Just save me from all my craziness! This is driving me nuts.
san signs off. 1:15 AM
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
San is losing herself. Very much she is keen in keeping a sweetie pie smile. She can't. Very much she wishes I could behave as per normal when I see him just now at foodcourt5. She is thinking too much her friends said. Thrash things out is what I'm supposed to do. But something is holding her back.
On a shopping spree a gurl will be. Especially when she is down and trying to occupy all her time space. That'll make her stop making wild guesses. Yep, pretty effective. Qi&San went town. Woo~ Bought a few stuff. A bikini top, another top and a pair of uniquely beautiful earrings for San. Qi got her a kaki colour mini skirtie~ Her that skirt almost equals to my 3 items' values. Haha. Anyways, she looks good in it. :)
While I was at orchard, thought of going down to Queensway to look for him. However, kept having 2nd thoughts. Thinking it isn't quite a good idea to see him when he indicated he needs time to cool off. Still, write him a small note cardie. Ferrero Rocheo. Aloe Vera drink with huge aloe veras in it. That was meant to be a pure surprise. Coincidentally, he also wanted me to go down and so he msged me. Everything turns out to be not quite like a surprise after all. His facial expression didn't reveal much appreciation and smile. Waited for him. But the night somehow felt different. Is San just thinking toooo much? Or Is San not facing the truth? The feeling is weird. Even now, I feel what a strange feeling. Like our relationship has went back to its starting point. Like our passion has been rescheduled to zero. Like everything has changed underneath. He isn't really happy, San knows it. San knew it. San can't smile naturally when she is with him for now. Till the ugly feeling fades away, things are gonna be as stagnant as present.
If love was created for a purpose.
Is the purpose you?
san signs off. 1:48 PM
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Can't drag my body to bed though I'm already very tired.
How much I don't wanna San to be a weakling who tears, she still teared. Reprimanding herself not to 'coz there is no need to. Dig a hole and hide myself inside is what I wanna do now. Wanna go somewhere solemnly quiet.. ..
san signs off. 1:39 AM
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What I've been on my mind since we've started finally is here. She's back into the picture. The troubled face of his rippled my emotions' waves up and down. Fragile-ness of my heart surfaced. It sobbed~ He didn't manage to discover that. 'coz he is too confused to even sense something's wrong. Perhaps it was after some while before he did. I can't faced him at that moment. When we were in the lift, I forced a bitter smile to appear on my artificial facial expression. Why? 'coz in any second, I might let those buckets of suppressed tears to leak. Which is rather indesirable. I don't wish my tears to be seen by him when he is already in a dilemma. I ran home. Trying my very best to escape.
My apologies to abandon you at the lift when you're mentally lost. I can't help it. If I could. And it's only IF I could. What you need is not my support. Don't want my support to become a distraction tool. All you need is time to yourself. Getting transparently clear who and what you really needs wants and loves. Maybe in the end, the story's leading actress isn't me. But at least I got a part once before. *smilEs* This smile seems fake huh~ I'm upset but nothing much is up to me from what I can see.
No calls from him. Neither sms-es. Maybe he is messenging someone but the person is not me. Anyways, like I've once said. As long as he is happy, that's all it matters. Be as crappie as you are now. Even if I'm not the one who is creating your happiness, I'll pray for yours. Worst scenario is only we became friends again. It's not a too bad ending. At least we are still in good contact manner. So no worries for me at all.
Don't be with someone you can live without.
Be with someone you can't.
san signs off. 1:10 AM
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004
A strong gush of an undefined substance is running along the veins of mine. Heartbeat racing faster and faster. Cheek turning into cherry-red. Body's warm. As if I'm at the top of the world. Highest peak of the world's highest mountain.
More than astounding to think about having him as my sweetheartie. Early in the morning. That was the most immediate note knocking into my head. He is great in earning people's respect. He like never fails to reach the requirements set for him invisibly by those people around him. He'll fulfil it and again, make an immense impact on them. He simply follows his heart whenever he is doing whatever tasks assigned to him. Shouldering the responsibility is tough and tedious at times. But he did it well. His easy-going yet down-to-earth personality definitely will bring him far. Of course, the most incredible point of his - he is humble. Not a tint of arrogance you could sniff in the air when ya with him even if he is 'somebody'. Not only once he proves to us his capability. Not twice. It's on and on. Again and again. *smiling from San's heart* This somebody has hunted down by me. I'm amazed by myself. How did I ever do it? *ponders* Whatever it is, he is great. He is not perfect. But he is wonderful.
Honey, keep it going~ I'll always behind you. LurveYa.
san signs off. 9:55 AM
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Monday, September 06, 2004
Hey babies!! San is very fresh right now!! A pig like her can sleep from 7pm to 11pm. Nothing impressive though. Plain 4hours of quality sleep~ But for a piggy who is suffering from deficiency of beautysleeptherapy, that's a luxury man!
From 9am-5pm, DBA 3A/12 went through a tribulary torture at Parkview Square. Amadeus training class. A kinda ticket reservation system. A word can describe all. Boring-ness. Haa. Mi Jun Qi Lei crapped throughout the lesson. Our voices&laughters freaked the instructor out I guess. *tougue out* Then received a sms from my honey, saying someone made several taggies on my blog but it's not him. Went to check it out immediately after my lunch break. No idea who is it. Anyways, who cares. Up to you people's interpretation. This is San's exclusive blog. And so I'll write whatever my heart tells me to. As long as my honey doesn't misinterprete it. *smilEs*
The lunch break at Yoshinoya, Parco was pure crap-fun! Talking about peachy breastie. GOsh rite? haha. Gil was around with us too. She works that area, so it's like duh~ she will of course eat with her sweetie qiqi.
Missing him so much. Very much. Tomorrow will see him. =) Still feel yesterday's match, I did him injustice. Could have won nicely~ If i was more focussed. If I was not so nervous. If I could let him be more moralised in midst of the game. Anyways, the whole team went into the next round successfully under his prediction 3wins-2loses. He'll sacrifice the mix doubles game, which I think is the best way out too 'coz of his limited number of good players in the entire team. Hopefully his another 2 potential players will be back by then. *praying hard*
san signs off. 11:45 PM
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Sunday, September 05, 2004
Is it smile...
That stays with you always...
Is it the light touch on your skin...
That tells you he's near...
Or the soft voiced whisper...
That tickles your ear...
Is love the thing that he does...
That you never know...
Or that he makes you feel good...
From head to toe...
Is the long afternoons...
With nothing much to do...
But knowing for sure...
He'd rather be with you...
His touch in the wee hours...
Against your skin...
The warmth of his passion...
From deep within...
As he envelopes your desire...
He'll surrender fully...
To your burning fire...
Accepts you...
And keeping it pure...
Carrying it to term...
Safe and secure...
Within his eyes...
You'll see it there...
Love for you always...
His soul he will share...
He'll stand beside you ...
Through good times and bad...
Celebrate your triumphs...
Console you when sad...
All this and more...
With his love he will do...
All he requires...
Is the same love from you...
san signs off. 1:11 PM
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Stone-ing. Infront of a dead-living thing - my PC. Fingers on the keyboard. Lotsa deep thoughts bottled somewhere in San. Overloading. Wanna get those feelings down in words. Pretty tough, 'coz.. .. only my heart knows it the best. These veiled sensations are filling up to the brim of San soon. And soon, it will overflow. Consequence from then on? I've totally no idea. Sometimes, very much I want to present the most chirpy side of mine to everyone around me. But sometimes, I do fail terribly. And the saddest part, from time to time, he only know that he wants me to be cheerful at all times; but now and again, he is not aware that he's the culprit for me suddenly got sulken.
It's me not being meticulous enough. Letting my expectation ruining the day's or night's mood. Need him to be alittle encouraging. I'm not sure how challenging that could be when he looks at it. Everyone else can throw eggs at me. Can even ballow if they see the need to. I won't cry. 'coz they don't deserve my tears. Not a single bit for goodness sake. But it's you. My sweetheartie. One simple phrase out of your mouth. Unintentional. Or whatever frankness you call it. Still my heart aches. -sigh- Teach me. How am I suppose to be vivacious like before when someone so close to my soul is destroying my last effervesence residue that's used to be in me always.
Later of the day there will be a mixed doubles match for me&sp. Please~ Don't let it be another utter disappointment. I don't seem can take any blow at this moment. On this day.
For a long time since I really cry. Though no one would enjoy such a time where you really get to feel what's grievance. But when you realise you forget how it feels. Forget what's crying. Only in the last few pages of your life from now, you got your nose blocked, getting hiccups like nobody's business, trying hard to catch some breaths and your whole body's buring inside out. Such instant is a pleasure in life too. To the least, these unhappiness never have an unsuccesful attempt in emphasizing the beautiful snapshots that had happened to us.
san signs off. 1:09 PM
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Friday, September 03, 2004
Soooooo love him. Anyone can be as certain as me this time?? This is what I call love. This is what I've always desire. Glowing sparkles. In my eye as I exhange contact with his. Love should have been like this all the while. But how come Sandra hasn't felt like this way before? Okay, perhaps in the life cross junction, which seems impossible to be smooth sailing, it got enhanced with the world's sweetest god creation - Love Element.
Knowing someone for like 2years? And here we got together. Were Pure acquaintance. Proceed to committee members ^^V.President&Secretary^^. Became good friends. Buddies since when? I can't track back at all. Are lovers. Now. That's how people make a difference in people's being. A small slight minor tiny difference? It may be. But it's not the size that counts. It's the uniqueness they brought to us. Special-ness you guys will reach to if you can reckon. Getting dull days brightened up and that's for sure in my case. Life became full of meaning and purposes. Just willing to go all out for him. Tired or not. Sad or not. Upset or not. Frowning or smiling, it doesn't affect the amount of efforts I'm gonna exert. 'coz I only know I want him to be always cheerful and happy right from his heart. Sound too noble. But I'm definitely far from it. 'coz imperfect san will never be perfect.
Had dinner with his aunt&his collegues. Got a treat from his aunt's shop's so called salesman, which I believe is a supplier to be exact. Anyways, that's not the main point. I reached Queensway shopping center at 8.20pm after roaming at Ikea's. Decided not to enter by the entrance nearest to his shop, don't wanna disturb him at work. As I drifted from that entrance and to the other one, I saw someone in white collar long-sleeved shirt. He called out for my name. Sandra. I was damn surprised till then. Can't believe such a conincidence could actually happen. He was very happy to see me. Same goes for me. muAcksSssiEeeSss honey!
Destined to be.
Not up to Us.
Against all odds.
And now.We are what we are.
san signs off. 11:57 PM
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Thursday, September 02, 2004
hEez. Uploaded the pictures taken during a ktv session a few days back. Sent it to that impatient Lei =X haha.. Actually not, just alittle anxious to see huh~ kEkez. Anyways, only left Qi not receiving the zip.file 'coz she's not online? Talking about Qi, guess she had a freak out of her soul for what have happened last night. *sayang* Of course, she's alritey now. =) Oh yahh~~ Jun Lei and Qi went to Chapter2 for their haircuts. Qi's one looks the best, she brings out the style well~ WeEeeee~~~ *whistle* As for Lei, alittle too short in my point of view. But okay, when it's longer sure it's gonna look good. Junniee.. Not much of a diff but can see that it's thinner with all those layers. They took neoprints without me!! *Eaxasperated* haha. One day, we shall all take together yah? =p
This saturday the3 of them are heading to Sentosa. Sometimes do feel alittle left out here and there. But come to my senses, it's perfectly fine anyways. 'coz it's me the one prioritizing tennis in the first place, so blame no one. Have fun gurls and I wanna see cool tanS yAhhh.. ^-*
Tonight won't be seeing him. Alright for this part also. Have been meeting each other like siao the past week. Both of us are physically and mentally announced "Dead-tired". I appreciate all his efforts. Attempting hard to cheer me up when I'm losing myself somehow. Making his best trial to reassure me when the faith seems to have vanish into thin air. Always I'll be thinking she's what he wants, overlooking her demanding self. Yet me, guess it's the other way round. Perhaps I've given the kinda support he was looking for in his gurl and in a way or another it was missing in her. And also perhaps that's the only winning point I had over her. My height is definitely a turnoff for him. -However, I'm still honoured with the height I'm having- He prefers chi-na looks, which I apparently look like an eurasian. So another OUt. Sum-ing it up, he's much more into chi-na gurls rather than singaporean gurls. But too bad, he's with me already. *tougue out* Heez. Bear with it honey. ^-^
Sp changed for the better over the past 2-3years after that saddening break-up. One day if she's to be back, and she'll realise he has grown much more mature and reliable. And if she wants you back, of course if same goes for you, go ahead. My hands will loosen this chain that is restricting you right now. Let go is my final. 'coz I believe she is more capable in letting you reckon the significance of love than me. Then you'll wonder, since that's how I feel, why did I go ahead with you.. A straightforward reason. I love you. Even it's to last for a short span of time, at least in my memory, there is such a you in the love milky way. So no regrets. *smilEs* Like I've always said. Just pray for you to be happy. Everytime when I'm with you.
Memory lasts forever.
san signs off. 7:13 PM
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Been some while since San blog huh~
I'm missing my honey obviously. Again.. Saw him awhile ago during my lunch break. My day begins with his presence. Smiling i went away. Love reimbursed strength into me. I'm definitely in need of all these little perks after numerous burnoutS.
Few downsides for my classmaties. More than glad to know Junnie's over with her problem~ Seeing her smiling wide once again. *smilEs* Now coming along with Lei's and Qi's. Qi's more or less solved I supposed. As for Lei's, may things go well for her. Luck gurls!
Emotion creates havocs. Regardless whether it's for the good or bad, it's just the most natural angle of we people. Of course, getting over-emotional can never be pleasant. 'coz too much of anything has never been good. Get a hold~ =)
Me and him. Sweet or sour? Mixture of both. Ambiguous future state we have. Indeed unease-ness. But I'm reluctant in letting my thoughts to wander into an unknown zone with no security yet only fears. Deniance of his intended promises. Not to possess false hopes about what's going to happen next. At least, he'll feel better. Less guilty if there is to have any hindering rock. Sometimes I'm silly I think. Placing himself right before me. San? Is this still you? Love does amazing stuff. Miraculous to some extent. san's Considerations are spinning all around him. No matter how lethargic I was in school, seeing him pulls me through without second hesitation. I'm just willing to do anything for him. As long as he *smilEs*
Tennis tennis tennis~~~ Passion for it hasn't die off. Not even a bit. I sweaR.
Alot of things waiting for our project group to settle. 6projects~!!! Sucks. Arggghhh.. Week2&4 of the next term it's gonna be real hectic. Reaves away~~~~~~
.:Need you to be there:.
.:So then I'll be strong:.
.:Your love means more than anything:.
.:Without you:.
.:What's strong?:.
.:Whatever:.
.:Just need you to be there:.
san signs off. 2:03 PM
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