My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with

i need you.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Awakened. Another dream marathon night. Other than the night spent out with him, almost every night of this week I haven't been enjoying a dreamless wink. Dreams may be unrealistic. However, it indicates something hidden. My buried thoughts interrupted a pleasant sleeping session. *Inhaled&Exhaled soundly*

The first 31 days of our romance has signed off today. This one month wrote a new page for my life phase. Sweetness Sorrows laughters frowns silentness. Another individualistic Unique&Irreplaceable memories. This is what love has brought us. A hectic guy like sp, taking up the role as his gurl isn't an easy task, 'coz it requires tons of understanding-ness. It became even tougher when the gurl is me. Sandra. Lowering down my expectation is not the perfect description. I didn't lowered it. It's just that my expectation has faced another direction. I just wanna see efforts. I merely need to feel the importance of my presence in his life. I want to feel loved&doted. A minor effort for this month's anniversary by him. To the very least, he bothered to plan. He can choose not to and giving excuse saying that he's busy working and stuff like that. But he didn't. That's what make me feel.. hMm.. Significant? Significant to him. A small little gift from him. Heart-shaped packaging. With sweet little chocolate tokens in it. Surprisingly, that's what I've craved for. Smart of him I gotta say, he initially sms-ed me to enquire my t-shirt size I normally wear. So naturally I'll think that he's gonna get me a top, isn't it? Haha. And he changed his mind 'coz he knew I knew it. Yep, so I smilEd~ I don't know how to explain. But I simply just like the simplicity of his plan which was tingled with sprinkles of romantic-ness.

I love you honey. Very much to an extent where you have control my temperaments.

Like everyone is aware of, saturday is my tennis day. Played for a few hours under the sorching sun. Some said I'm crazy to play under the hot sun in the warmest peak of the day. But. That's the only period my schedule allows. Got tanner. He prefers me to be fair. But again. Tennis gurls can't be too fair you know. =P Except mony's category of gurls. Just can't get too tan, don't understand why. Maybe she applies loads of sunblock that is pretty effective? *laughing*

Tennis session was over. Early dinner with benny&daph. Then they left, leaving me&sp behind. Osky was actually coming over to Holland Village already but 'coz only leaving we this couple, she intended not to. She said it'll be rather weird. Kinda get what she means so didn't probe. =) We strolled along Holland V and went to its so called air-con shopping center. Spent an hour there i guess and went to west coast. Ginza plaza. Heard of it? Nope for my case. Uninteresting place. Reason is due to he went there with his important gurl before. I'm petty to act in such a way. But again again. I can't help it. -lousy me- I can't make myself not to recall the gurl's unattainable position in his heart. I'm doubtful whether this position is still occupied like in the past or it's vacant right now for my intrusion. I don't know.

We seemed to be walking alot. When came to realise, there is carpark available at the west coast park, we walked back and drove there. He was there with her pretty often when they just started. Shadow casted over the serenity. My thoughts went haywire. And it's another again. Mac and MAc cafe was there. Quite attractive layout they have. Nice~

Strolling in the man-made sanding area was sweet. Looking up into the sky. Watching those unreachable stars that are sparkling brightly. Distance enhanced their enchanting appearance.
For that instant, I really have the gush of emotions to lie on the sand. He hugged me while my head tilted up. Amazingly good feeling filling up in that split second. Wished that moment had last.

Sat down somewhere in the 'couples-zone'. Chatted and chatted. Feeling down since we were in Ginza. He asked, "do you feel that I'm treating you good?" I answered, "okay.. As compared to the others, it should be of the lower grade." He got demoralised. And uttered a very hurtful sentence. "I really felt that's the best and the very usual me to do all these when I'm comfortable, yet it's still the lousiest. Then I don't see the point why we are still going steady." *heart cracking* It bled.

I really feel he is good, he has met the minimum requirement being a boyfriend. There's of course more to expect. Nevertheless, I have to take into consideration, he is no more a young lad with plenty of leisure time to do whatever he want. He is a working adult. He has his dreams in life. He wants to achieve something in life even if it means he is gonna lose something at the same time. That's what attracted me to him in the very very very first place. I will support him. Giving him the strength he needs. Yet again, I'm just afraid to think into the future timeline. I'll freak out seeing no me in his pathway. Sad, yes I am. But not because of anything he has done. Every sadness lies on my thinking. Unlogical it may seem. Still, the thoughts started rolling when insecurity overwhelms. Nothing major affects our love right now. Who knows what'll happen next. We will. When we are experiencing it. Let nature takes its course. He said something very true. Till now, no one dares to promise each other about the future. Perhaps we are very clear that words don't count at all when there's a change of heart or when there is a switch of situation.

As long as he is happy, I've nothing much to lament on.

Gotta study Convention Management notes in an hour's time. Rest awhile first. Great day to you people! *smilEs*

san signs off. 12:13 PM
_________________________________________________________

p r i n c e s s . s a n 3

life's too short to devote time dwelling over irreversible facts.

in my life, I wish upon eternal happiness with all my loved ones.

a bonus will be to see myself at the top of my career in another few years' time.

LIKES

1. Being appreciated by him.
2. Have all his love and attention.
3. Yakking nonstop with all my buds, anywhere anytime.
4. INSANE SHOPPING :)

Peaceful Exits

.ling. .daphne. .monica. .yuying. .shinleei. .anna. .benny. .joyce. .venassa. .amanda. .ruixiang. .givany. .jialin. .weijun. .elaine. .joycee. .jasline. .bro. .ying.

.photos.

The Past

June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
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March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
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January 2006
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January 2007
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April 2007
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June 2007
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December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
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June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
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October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009

CHITCHATTY

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