i need you.
Friday, July 30, 2004
Worries over Internship issues are finally over today. Submitted the intended resume and cover letterS. Yearn for the vacancy in Olive Consulting Group. My intuition tells me that my interest is lying somewhere there. I trailed my heart's direction. *cross my fingers*
It had been a week plus since I've been with sp. Inclined to calling him sp instead of anything else. *luffs* Pursuing back the reminiscence. Relieved in believing that he has move on in his life. Sp was right in saying it's not viable when I said I've vacuumed his shadow in my mind. Quoting what I usually say.. "Only Memory Stays" Absolutely true. To be clear of my stand, I gotta clarify.. To him, is purely evoke of a sweet romance. Me towards Sp, genuinely in love. Hard to reckon this fact for some of you. Must be thinking how can you be in love so instantly again?? To correct, it wasn't an instaneous incident. Accumulating since.. Quite long ago. Subconsciously in love I heard from him. As for me, it's more of subconsciously rejecting the feeling during my attached days.
I lost track of the significance of 'forever' 'everlasting' 'eternity' Thing goes out of your control unknowingly. Especially when it comes to sentiment. Nothing is definite. I don't wish to give you my word and lead you on of what's gonna happen in the future. Unpredictable days ahead. I can only promise you that as long as I'm by your side, I'll be only true to you.
Sometimes Forever
seems
So near yet So far.
san signs off. 7:20 PM
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Thursday, July 29, 2004
Feedback from yy that my previous entry sounds harsh and nasty. Yep, I am.. Can't help it. Sorrie. Not gonna brood over it any longer.
These 7days I've been seeing him. Late in the nights creating insufficient sleep for both. Although tired is the fact, I'm still more than glad to see him talk to him etc.. Plan to watch brotherhood tomorrow night actually. He said we needa replenish our strength again so postponed it to friday night. Just that little dissapointment scattered over me. I'm alright though. Thursday and Friday won't make big difference. =)
Gonna receive the news which 2 ITP companies we will be sent for interviews. Or should I put it in this way, 2companies that we will send our resumes&application letter in for their review and approval before the actual interview. Feel pretty neutralised till this current point. Just finish compiling and reading through MFM report. *yAwns*
Today Qi&I were wondering how come politics issues exist among bunch of buddies? hMmm.. Human mind and heart is hard to fathom. So don't try to. It will merely increase your current level of burdens. Thinking over stuff that you might never ever retrieve any satisfactory result in the end is redundant. To me, I don't know how to define the word 'friendship'. Confusing and complicated in some sense. I'm learning to take things by my stride.. And ignore things used to have bothered me. Act ignorant at times is effective. At least you wouldn't feel so agitated.
"Just wanna beg for a little bit more faith in me."
san signs off. 1:05 AM
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Can you please leave mi alone!!! I'm getting enough of your nonsense. Yesh, I let you down in the first place but it doesn't give you any authority to call my friends and my parents again and again! Buzz off from them. You are really getting on my nerves. When did you start doing silly things. MOVE ON. I really hope your friends mean it that you are strong on your feet now. If that's the truth, you've all my blessings. If not, you continue your silly acts, we can even stop being friends.
And please give yourself a break. Stop trying. Please. STOP. Irregard to what you've done or what ya intending to do, it's useless. Once my mind is set, it is set. Noboday can change my mind.
Junie.. Ying.. Everyone who has supported me.. Thankies!! Less stressful right now.. More carefree.. Happier & more cheerful too. Regaining to my chirpy self. ^_*
MFM report must be submitted this saturday before 12pm. 3/4 way done. Haha. Editing on it. Then have to focus on GBE. Globalisation is the topic. My part is on how will it affect/influence Singapore's economy. Pretty straight forward i reckon. Looking for more substantial information still. Going to library to look for it perhaps on thurs or online.
san signs off. 9:26 PM
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Monday, July 26, 2004
Presently, in business IT library. Completing the FM (Financial Management) tutorial which is required from my group for tomorrow's duscussion. Hee. Only got rid 3 questions, still struggling with another 2. Maddening part, all of those are theoretical ones. It kinda make me felt bored while squeezing some answers out when I hardly listen during lectures. Thank god, my tutor is Wong Y.Y. He soften the FM's stressful portion alittle. Keke. If not, my every tuesday for this semester is a disaster. Tutorials all the way. Sian. -_-"
My sweet Ying is accompanying me to queensway later at 5plus. Waiting for her while she is busy with her projects. Gonna see him later.. Wonder what should I get for him.. hMMmm... -pondering-
Yesternite heard a nasty news. I can't believe 'she' actually do this to me before. We were somemore good friends at that very point. Entering to Tennis Club Committee creates rifts between my supposingly good friends in poly in my course in my former class. If she is dissatisfied with me, why didn't she confront me directly. Why sneak behind my back and make me bleed. Tarnish my reputation does her any good?? I really wonder. Sending defaming e-mail to people who knows me. Lousiest gurl. Innocent Daphne still tell me she thinks she's an angel amongst all the others. She sucks big time. To think that I still treating her like my friend, saying warm 'Hi' and stuff liddat. Forget it. Scariest thing in life is to
Consider a poisonous snake as a tamed lamb.
My daddy saw him last night. He looked so nervous and tensed as we walked up to my door. Silly boi. There is more to come. Haha. Tonight he tuitioning a student after his work. So tiring for him. Hao Hao Zhao Gu Zi Ji~
san signs off. 3:53 PM
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Sunday, July 25, 2004
Last sunday till today. My mood swang up and down vigorously. Only till perhaps friday's night, the pace slowed down. A refreshing start for me to pick up my live journey from where I've ceased. There are alot of things awaiting for me in life. At this junction, accademic field is what I needa focus on. Gotta real buck up!! Last semester's result wasn't as good as I expected it to be. "Work Hard guRl!" Not forgetting my love life. That's for sure. This's a typical piscean Sandra. =P
Yesterday got woke up at 6plus am. Training for tennis at Cashew Height Condo actually. Unfortunately, it rained. Hahaa. It's sp! Everytime when he's gonna play, the god will bestow him with a few heavy raindrops. *giggles* Another word, he is sUay =X kekeee.. joking.. His handmade love sandwich, with melting cheese izit luncheon meat? Or ham? and some lettuce tomatoes. Though it doesn't look appetizing (you oso agree rite? =P), it tasted pretty good. ^_* Went back to school for tennis with all the others. Clement and Osky slept till 1plus 2pm. So you can expect them to be coming at 5plus 6pm? haha. Went for dinner, den KTV session. Sweet. Shan't elaborate. hee.
Yongcheng, you don't need me around to carry on with your life. 'coz I'm simply not worthy of your love. I appreciate what you've done for me all along, but let's don't emphasize on it anymore. Sorrie to let you know, I've accepted sp. And with no regrets. He may not be as good as you in certain aspects, still I respect the decision made by my heart. I'm a simple gurl who follows my heart.
I felt something. Something that was missing in all my other loves. I felt it in you. Labelled a bitch a slut or whatever I can't help it if you guys think it this way. Love is selfish. I hurt somebody. I rather to be true to myself liable for my feelings than to continue suppressing it. At least I know I'm finally cheering up. And the reason is You.
san signs off. 10:29 AM
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Friday, July 23, 2004
Unpredictable how things are heading to. Seeing him so dejected so shagged so helpless really melts my steel-made heart. But I know I cannot lead him on any further. It will bring even more miseries to him. He needs time to heal everything. He was once deeply hurt. I promised him I will never be the one breaking his heart again. I broke it. In my heart, a jerk of painfulness strike me. However, I can't bring myself to stay by his side any longer. A visible strain in us. I may not find any guy who will love me as much as he does. I may not find anyone who will put me before his everything. Even if that's the case, it will not be the reason for me to stick to him. Fair to him, isn't it? Deceiving you hurts me. Not lesser than you. If I do so, then I'm seriously deserve to be slaughtered. He deserves treatment that is much better than this. Letting him go is to giving his right gal the chance to love him dote him take care of him. He will search for her. She will appear. A matter of time. Meanwhile please take care of yourself and cheer up. I'm a lousy slut you once thought i was.. Don't harbour thoughts of me to continue hurting yourself. Give her an opportunity. Give yourself another breathing space. Cool down and you'll realise I'm actually not very important to you after all. Thanks for fulfilling my wish of receiving roses from you even after we've became friends. I'm adapting myself with the life without you. If i can, so can you. Why am i saying all these?? You'll never log in to my blog. In the past, you do so because I strongly requested you to. Now, there is no more reasons for you to. So yeah, i'm speaking to the air.
Cried again&again. How strong-willed I am, still can't locked my tears to gush out of the eyegate. Just feel so sorrie and helpless to see him in this way. If I got another alternative. I will not want to see him in such a poor state. Survive you have to be. Can tell you guys, I hate myself entirely now. Who am I to create people's ups and downs??? ):
Trying out with you is my choice in the end. Success or failure. Whatever it will be I still must give it a shot. Don't wish to live in regrets. To be truthful to you, I still care about yc perhaps in a friend's position or more. Me myself I'm not clear. If I'm with you, don't doubt. I'm true with my feelings. Once i'm not, i will mark the end for it. Phobia. Don't wanna hurt anybody anymore.
If life is simple.
If life is not so complicating.
If life doesn't involve so many people.
I should admit all of those are excuses.
We are just not strong enough.
san signs off. 9:18 PM
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
If someone is to ask me. "Are you happy now?"
My answer is a straight "No."
Mentally exhausted. Physically drained. Emotion cells announced - dead.
My attitude for him changed tremendously over the past one week. It's my fault for everything that has happened and what is going to. I blamed myself for committing this awful sin. I created the grievances of 3people. Someway Somehow I've hafta put an end to it.
Dilemma. Considerations. Worries. Soft-hearted. Feelings. Commitment. Responsibility. These made my decision contradicting. Part&parcel of life as I listened. Life stages revolve around making a choice. Major's and minor's. It's even more practical when it comes to love. Love is sweet&romantic. Hiccups disrupt its endowed beauty. Darken the entire scenario when you are to choose between 2. Exactly, it'll be so much easier IFfeelings were triggered for only a single party. And the problem is, that's not the case. Friends' advices were spinning my head. However, it helps. Thanks people, esp SPTC buds&Junnie.
Long term romance was never simple. To be in it is to take up a challenge. I challenged it. Approaching to the end, I failed. Utterly. Apologies to the one who has been with me for more than a year's time. I'm not confident in giving ya anymore assurance after letting you fall so badly. Tears i dropped weren't just guiltiness-mixed. But also, love-mixed. Once I thought everything was processing perfectly fine and we will last forever. Lasting forever is a dream. Letting you go is, perhaps till the closing point, a reality.
'U' might be remorseful. I'm telling you, you shouldn't be. 'Coz in fact I led ya on. That's why. I can picture myself with you. Playing tennis, our common interest plays a huge role. Clicking well. Chemistry in the air. I enhaled. Doubts like 'what if 'she' enters your social circle again" "what if I'm not capable of this and that" drew me back.
I don't wish to retreat. Don't wanna be a coward in romance. A part of me that's so crucial. Give me time. I need it seriously. Meanwhile wanna concentrate in my studies too. Cool off for awhile. It may do everyone good. But if one of 'you' has choose to back out, voice it out. I'll respect it.
In the end, i may be left with nothing. At least, I'm relieve.
san signs off. 2:08 PM
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Monday, July 19, 2004
What is the first thing you'll react when you come to realise your love for your beloved one wasn't as firm after all? How are you going to respond to the one you've put in almost every bits of your love when a supposing onlooker gets involved from nowhere? Frail. Breakable. Cool-ness definitely doesn't aid in clearing those troubling doubts. Or it helps. Merely on the dumb surface. Mind switched into sleeping mode. Though it may seem the programs are no longer running, the realistic fact is it is still functioning just that in a manner where our brain has access to time thinking over the remedy. More thoughts equivalent to more heartache's sources. For now, it is happening.
If I've the ability to erase unwanted memories, I might be happier. Deleting and dump it into the recycle bin. -Clear recycle bin- action executed. If. If. If. If I could accomplish it. It just need one night to change what things are should be. Save guiltiness. 'coz what done is done. I only request a moment's of genuine sensation from ya.
Forbidden feelings are never meant to be brought up. I may regret but I truly didn't go against my heart when everything happens. Morally upright? We may not be. Anyways. Yeap, hope we can resume like before. Best buddies ever.
I guess 'you' wouldn't have the chance to read this. Be sure with your heart & set it on the right target. Don't let sadness look up another gurl of your life. =)
san signs off. 6:23 PM
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Sunday, July 18, 2004
This week is chaotically hectic for me. Getting ready for tennis club freshmen orientation. Pretty successful i gotta comment. On-s freshies. Majority at the minimal. Not many crop-ups. Considering it rained in the morning. Lucky for us, it stopped when the programme was gonna make a gunstart. If not, the quantity of participants turn up will confirm be reduced by almost half. Phew~ Must be my praying taking us through smoothly. Hee. A slight drizzle right after our lunch break. Thinking of changing the captain's ball game's venue to badminton hall before it tuned heavily. Lady luck was by our side. The rain stopped again in no time. Not much hassle. Their smiling faces brightened our day even more. Really hope it wasn't boring for all the others. Right babies? For my Wilson team, we had fun! Especially the captain's ball part. I'm loving it. Fostered team spirit. =) Treated my team members drinks. They were great. Got in 2nd placing among the 6 groups. 1st went to Prince team led by Alvin, mousie!! keke. Chirpy group leaders! Giv, Jey, Sebas, Alvin and of course ME!! haha. That Don, wasn't very inclined to his members so i shan't add his name in that perfect list. =P Someone's gona shout at me if he read it. "Who cares!" *laugh out loud*
Bathed in school. Disgusted. touching my sticky body. Nauseous. smelling that stinky jersey on me. Thank god Sp's friend, Wanfen had all bathing 'equipment' with her. Almost all the girls shared with her. =) Smelllllll goooood. My face was freaking red. My hands. My legs. Exposed body parts can't escaped from the fate of being BURNT. Shocking enough that I didn't realised till the others kept on saying "Why are you so RED?" Gosh~!! Went for dinner with Sp, Osky, Clement, Daphne, Mony, Jiehao, Giv and Alvin at Bt timah for some prata feast. Can't finish the murtabak chicken. Such big serving!! Playing pool. Our next big hobby after TENNIS. Is it true people? If not, why are we playing pool so ofteeeennnnn... Anyways, the great part is sp sent us home. Me Donavan Jiehao. Told sp out of the blue that if he is taller I'll really fall in love with him. He argued back "Short then cannot like meh" Hahaa. Of course duDe~! haha. Buddies forever!
Staying over at mony's condo tonight. With all the usual cliques. Plus Donovan. Seemed to have become our new recruited member. =P Tennis. Mahjong according to them. And SLEEP. Fortunately my monday class only starts at 10am and ends at 2pm. *Giggles* Don't think i'm up to having FUN only okie. I got revise my work today. Only 1 pathetic module though. Completed the questionnaire typing, however still needs more edition and addition of questions. Needa do my part on MFM before i head out. Brainstorm TAM again this coming week. Start on GBE project too. Strive babies!!
Pour my sorrows over the phone to my hubby last nite. Till 0340am. Agitated him at the very last part of conversation. My apologies. Unhappy with my class. Unhappy with my course. Unhappy with myself. Pitiful lamer. I am. At times, inferiority overwhelmed my egotism. My dear pulls me out of my world. Slapped by reality. Inferior is a confession of being a failure.
Some of the pictures taken during FO.
Baby me and a freshie going out in the couple merry go round 'bout
Forfeiting the freshie or Alvin?? Haha.
Wilson got 2nd!!
My BABY team!! Cuties babes and hunks!
san signs off. 3:41 PM
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Drained out totally right now. Sent dearie off at the Airport not long ago. Still the sadness is as fresh as a few previous hours. I told myself not to tear infront of him. Don't wanna add on to his burden. Disappointed. I teared. I lost control. It's not far from a fire burning more violently after a splash of fuel. Frankly speaking, I'm not so affected even when we've arrived at Changi. So I happily thought I'm a strong gurl after all. Wrong! Wrong!! Upside down Wrong! A strong gurl can no longer brace tears. Tears that have been submisively hiding deep down in her heart.
"Gate Open" He gotta board in. Walking to the departure gateway, still don't feel a thing. We embraced. More of like he is hugging me =P He complained in the sms oso. haha.. Because I simply don't feel like letting go if I'm to hug back tightly. Yeah.. "Hao bahh.. Wo jing qu le.." And he let go of me instantly. With no reason supporting my emotions, my eyes turned red and non-dry. He saw it. Until this moment, can't swallow and suppress my feelings. Can't stop thinking. Four days only.. I know. No one can fathom WHY. Except me and him.
He teared also. I didn't see it with my own eyes. But I sensed it. I Believe my instincts.
Very corny!! He kept saying I put something in his bag when he left it with me. Each time he came back, he checked and.. hahaa.. He couldn't find it. Vey last minute before he left, I put it inside. mUackSs~ He knows me inside out. My every NEXT step, he could easily guess it. And BINGO. Love him. Exaggerating my tennis friends may felt when I told them. Most importantly, is how WE feel.
How tired I am, I need to put these in words.
TAKE CARE MY DEAREST HUBBY!!
san signs off. 12:38 AM
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Sunday, July 11, 2004
Monday at this time my dearie will be in Thailand. Needless to mention, I'll stay by him till he's call to check in. Forecast of my emotion status for tomorrow is predictable. Changi all the way to Woodlands. The trip. Emptiness fills my world. His warmth distant away from me. Four days. His voice|missing in action|His touch|slipped|His presence|lost of footprints.
He headed for home in the early evening. -Finish his Bon Voyage's token- Picked up from where I stopped last night. Weird. As if I'm lost in the dark. Globing for my way out. He's my pillar of strength. Independent new age lady, am I? Four days abroad. Uneasiness surrounds. All over me. Four mornings won't be seeing his name on my message inbox list. Three nights without his goodnight's calls hoaxing me to sleep. Tilting my head down. Turning away from dazzling lighting. Not letting my tears to be seen. "Only four days..", people will say. Yet, even an hour not receiving his SMS or call awakens edginess. This is how much he means to me. Vital acting role. Leading artist in my stage of life.
To take up my time, I tidied my lecture notes. Did boring revision. Accomplished the 'essence' of love for him. Gave my blog a new outlook. Awaiting for his call. Better let my head be in-charge for these few days. Or sufferings rule.
Reluctance overwhelmed his excitement for the trip. Dear, enjoy yourself. Give me your words. He was worried for me. Leaving his blur sotong in Singapore. Source of worries. Silly him huh~ My worries seem more relevant.
If I could fast forward this time tape. I will. MuAckSs.
san signs off. 9:31 PM
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Self-Obsessed. Sandra. Goes well with it. *laughing aloud*
Pics to share..
Watched Mean gurls at bugis. Didn't realise that the theatre is a little dirtier than all the other theatres we've been to till 1730h today. That's not the main point. The main point is my expectation for the show was slightly higher. Conclusively, it was of mediocre standard. Lame could be the word to illustrate as well. Nevertheless, there was one part that mentioned, "By stepping over others doesn't make you stronger. By criticising another individual doesn't make you solve the problem. The best solutuion is by working out whatever current facing problem." We tend to put blames on others and neglect about reflecting on our own doings. Common flaw.
Impromtu photo-taking. Suggested by me!! Hahaaa.. Love my dear.
san signs off. 12:06 AM
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Saturday, July 10, 2004
Life isn't as great in SPTC as before. No more buddious clique. That's the crucial affecting factor. At least to me, it is. You may be dissatisfied with certain people at times. Maybe the problem lies with me instead don't you think so? I'm those type who gets irritated pretty easily. Yep, that may be really the real root cause huh~ Luckily in the club right now, there is someone like mony!! Hahaa.. Her genuine character reflected to us unknowingly pulls me closer to her among all the other girls in the committee. Of course, not forgetting my another sister. Daphie!! She's great too. It's just that she's not a comm member. Still, she plays as much as any tennis member okie. Especially this week. *winks* A potential gurl i could click with will be Anna, our treasurer. Too bad she wasn't around most of the times due to her holiday ITP. hMmm.. the other members are alright too though. Oh yah!!! SPTC earned a profit of $1000++ for this year's CCA week. Extremely cool news! For a small club like us to earn this sum of money is really something. Hee. Pinning great hopes on 17th July Interactive Day. *smilEs*
Enough of tennis stuff.. Yesterday my dear friend Eunice finally spoken to me like what we've always been in the past. I was surprised. Real surprising to hear and see that. I'm glad to have gain one 'lost' friend back. Misunderstanding is inevitable. But we gotta understand misunderstanding does occur silently no matter what. Be forgiving. Yup, that's the way to remain cheerful always.
Program for tomorrow. A meeting at tennis clubhouse at 11am. Then follow up with a dry-run for the Freshmen Orientation Interactive Day. Will be seeing my darling right after that. Heading to Parco Bugis for movie. Still wondering where is my dear bringing me for dinner. *pondering*
This whole week only met up my dear for one pathetic day, excluding weekends. I'm busy and he's preparing for his thailand trip which is on this coming monday. Gonna miss him like crazy. Intend to do something sweet for him and give it to him at the airport. He'll miss me alot too. I reckon. May my sweet little thing blands his love-sickness. *hugs&kisses*
I'm back in school for five-working days already. That's like a blink. Very soon, i'll be stressed like nuts over projects itp's preparation of resumes+interviews exams. Heck care this for today. Let me enjoy first. *giggles*
Out of the blue, a certainty of him being my life partner blew by. Resembles the colour shade.. From tinted blue to sky blue to ocean blue to shady blue to dark blue. Our love is progressing well. As dark as the dark blue you can witness. We may mix the wrong colour wrongly and stir things up. Thankfully, we never give up. Continued trying to rectify it by adding the correct colour in the next step.. Who knows? You might get an amazingly right shade at a darker tone. Not getting to see each other makes the heart fonder huh~ True in a certain extent.
san signs off. 10:22 AM
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
People, listen up!! We're gonna be down the exam field real soon. A reminder for all of you!! *counting down* Another 37hours +/- to go.. Play by all means & have fun!!
Time flew fast. One month plus's time actually shOooooo.. -gone-
Past one month was a dramatic one for me. One moment looks like i'm on cloud nine and the very moment it was as if i'm down into a bottomless pit. Musing over the incidents happened.. Alarmed me that human beings have to grow up and learn to be mature regardless whether you want it or not. It's a need. Not up to one's preference. I love deluding myself in scenarios where i could behave like a small kid. It's particularly true when YongCheng is around. Ultra comfortable. I need not hide anything from him. Unexplainable feeling once again. Most importantly, he views it as a strength of mine. I find it pleasuring though it may turn off some people and looks childish. I don't give a damn. That is when I start to get awake, realising that life is very short. Before you can catch a glimpse and notice your surrounding has changed, it had already change beyond your imagination. May sound exaggerating to you, but it's true. Every second now i'm typing this. I've no regrets 'coz i'm doing things that interest me. Never survive in this world for the sake of surviving. Never try on Unique things that are not of your cup of tea thinking it will make you special. Bottomline is Be Yourself. That's the most valuable part of you that you can't see in others. Treasure it. Not letting it waste away. There are people in this world who i know are pitifully competent of admring other's strength and forgetting about themselves. Feeling inferior is the worst thing you should ever do in your life. Being popular among people may bring you to top of the world but is that really essential? Is that your main priority? Is that what you are really seeking for? If your answer is yes, I'm very sad to say that you've not capture essence of living.
Blablabla.. I'm getting too 'real' here. Okay shall stop that for now. Yesterday was fabulous. Shop till i drop. With the company of Ying of course! hEee.. ChitChat plus new stuff in my wardrobe plus nice foodie at Fish&Co. plus catching up with my Vietnam trip's frezzies plus spending a romantic night with my darling.. Can things be even sweeter than that? Still there is room for improvement here and there huh~ *laughs out loud* Let's say buying more stuff plus highER classie foodie plus catching up with the whole group of them ('coz some couldn't make it) plus spending with someone more romantic? OoooooooooooooopSss =X I'm gonna get myself in deep shit.. Just kidding. Yesterday was a two-thumbs up! My wallet is burning a big hole. I can see smoke you know.. Terrible!! But as long as i enjoy it. Yes, Ying and I was grumbling alittle saying we should have save up the money for foodie and buy more clothes/bag.. But we don't mean it from our heart i guess. Right gurl? ^_*
While catching up with Junie makes me.. hMmmm.. how should i put it.. Connected? We've endless things to talk about. Hahahaaa.. But still Junie, I really felt sad about the 'thing' i was telling you outside Marche.. Know what i'm refering to? Hope you do =) It's okay, no worries! I'm clear all the times that as long as friends are there for you when you are in need of help it's good enough. *smilEs*
I felt so much loved last nite. It must be our slow kiss resulting a chemical substance called The Love potion. Beautiful. Right feeling at the right place at the right time with the exactly right person. I was telling him infront of my whole family i'm gonna have my wedding day video-cam down. Heee.. Thinking too far huh~ Fantasy is always so perfect. It is unreal but i do hope i can make it a reality. I will. I hope I will.
I need you just like before. Believe me when I say nothing can replace you in my heart. 'Coz it's simply heartfelt.
san signs off. 10:22 PM
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Thursday, July 01, 2004
Hip Hip Hurray! Hip Hip Hurray!! Hip Hip Hurray!!! 30th June marks my last day in Regent Singapore. A really great news. Can't wait to be off work that day.
To add on, it was a terribly lousy day for me and Ying. We were so called 'saboed' by the people there from the very start of of our work. First we went to collect our designated uniform as usual. And guess what, I didn't manage to get it. And due to that, we spent like 1hour waiting and trying. So we reported at 0800h instead of 0700h. It's totally unfair okie peeps!! We woke up at 0500h and arrived Regent at 0640h and yet because of the housekeeping's side we were DECLARED late. Felt so unjustified! But who bothers us. They even heck questioning the reason for being late. Another lady from concierge came in and looked at our time schedule, continue by asking, "what is the shift that the both of you are in?" When we said Ashift meaning starts 0700h, she walked off. Damn hostile. Don't even look at us while talking.
If you think this is the end of our tragedy, you are WRONG.
It is only the start. From the moment onwards, everyone seems to have blacklisted us and forgets all about our good record for the past 1month. Damn it! There were a few exceptions that still talked to us in the normal tone but I practically mean A FEW.
Around 0815h, our assistant manager came and we knew he knows about our late coming issue. 'coz there is this someone who will report to him. Yet, till now i don't know who is it. Yah yah, he appeared nice yesterday for an unknown reason. Paid us using his own wallet for 19bucks for some particular reason that's too naggy to explain here. Anyways, I informed him we will be going up to housekeeping to change our uniform at 0900h plus. So yeap, we went up. And the next infuriating matter arises. F*** him to the core! A bellman approached us the moment we returned. Having the thought he might just wants to chitchat with us like what we're always doing. But NO. He said we should have punch an errand card to let them be aware of our movements. Shit them lohh!!!! Argghhhhh Been working for 1month, I've never told to do so and our last day they could actually utter such nonsensical rubbish to us. Fine. Shortly after that idiotic bellman, 2 person in black jacket asked us aren't we supposed to be mending at the door? -We were not because we were assigned in uniform service- How come the both of us stood there and didn't helped that fat disgusting snobbish attachment student from TP.
They still dare to comment we are one big family. Really F okie. One big family. MY FOOT! That gurl is having her 6months attachment and everytime complains mending at the door is boring and will definitely without doubt walked away when me and ying are there. Read newspaper in the baggage room while working and refused to come out. Hell this gurl!!! Think she is having attachment and she is of higher authority than we partimers. Shittttttttttttttttt
Me and Ying couldn't tolerate all these bullying. Requested to leave early. Negotiation set with 1200h. We left at 1200h sharp.
Not the end yet for me. Neither for ying. My date with my dear was the most suckiest day ever. Trust me. It was. Don't intend to elaborate on the primary cause. Promised my dear we shouldn't spill our problems entirely to outsiders. So yeah. But I can reveal he did something that was unexpectedly outrageous. I walked from Great World City to Outram Park MRT station alone. Momentously, I only conscious it was a never-lasting stroll. As I walked, alot of things flow to my mind. The past. The present. The ambiguous future. Kept straining my brain whether i should carry on with him. Does he worth my love. Will this love grows fonder. Determined of a breakup but. A 360degree change because we love each other alot still. So that was how my 30th June 2004 ended. Nasty beginning. Pleasant ending at least.
3 Ds for this memorable day. Disastrous. Devastating. Discouraging.
Crying vents unfulfilled thoughts. Thinking digs unwanted&unrealised trash. Silence quieten rushing emotions.
Fire may provides the warmth. Fire may kills it all as well.
Similarly, Quarrel may add strength to love. It is capable to destroy everything too. Control it. Don't let emotions to rule your head entirely but the other way round. Feelings count. Every single little bit.
san signs off. 5:43 PM
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