i need you.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Came home from SGH. The past two nights i stayed over at SGH. Couldn't stop worrying so i rather to be there just in case if my dad was to need assistance from us. Same for my Da boy. YongCheng stayed for the 1st night.. Thanks dear. I'm in need of you the most at that period of time.
I cried and cried when i cast my eyes on my dad the very initial time when i see him at SGH. My heart bled. Seeing a cheerful vibrant full of energy guy in the poor state. We were told in the first place my dad might got stroke. Luckily, under observation it was proven wrong. His blood arteries to his right eye was blocked by the thick nature blood platelets. A normal person's blood platelets shouldn't be so thick. My dad's red blood cells multiply in a very rapid rate due to his constant high energy expenditure. Under medication, this condition should be under control. Now we are waiting for his eye to recover. I was startled at work when i heard his right eye can't see at all.
These 3 days our whole family took turns to take care of my daddy. Every minute there will be someone by his side. Tonight his health status has stablised so i went home to rest. Will be there first thing in the morning. I can see that he is glad to see all of his children to be around him now. A glow shone in my heart too. It's partially this family that pulls him through this miserable tough time.
You will not be able to exactly comprehend the fear of losing your close kins until you really do. Always we will hear things like "Cherish the people around you" but will we actually go and practice it? Perhaps not. The moment when i look at my dad and seeing him so frail and scared, my mind began to reminisce the past.. Jokes and the childish side of him.. Uncontrollably, my tears gushed and rolling down from my wet eyes. My dear is always there to give me a hand. I know a strong brave front have to be put when my dad is around and i did. My brother also kept telling me to look on the brighter side and stop tearing.
Today my dad looks good. Although his right eye still seeing blur vision, at least he is optimistic. Regain his old usual self, he talks to us and people around him. Smiling. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping soundly. MuackSs~~ My mum smiles and was relieved. She prayed hard for him every night since then.
God, please continue to bless my dad.
san signs off. 11:00 PM
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Thursday, June 24, 2004
My mood at this very moment is filled with terror. I can't figure out one day without my Daddy. He is unwell. He was once so weak before. Now, again. Such a nice person, why is he receiving such treatment? Unfair. Come again, Nothing is fair. I'm worried. Now, he is accompanied by my elder brother and YongCheng is going down to give assistance at SGH.
"God,please do whatever that you can to bring my dad through this tribule. PLEASE!! Bless him."
He will be alright in no time as i pray.. I'm working and no one to share my troubles so do it here. Bear with me =)I know my dad himself is panickly scared of his health conditions. This kinda fear is way beyond our imagination. How i wish i could console him and let him stay calm. Hopefully my dear can replace my effort.
Upset.
san signs off. 8:06 PM
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Wednesday, June 23, 2004
I'm so darn bored here! Oh yahh.. i've just asked one of the collegues whether the look alike looks alike.. it kinda rhymes huh~ And he said no. Doesn't quite look alike at all. Anyways. I'm here doing nothing just like another tomorrow. And another thing is, i'm not quite of a friend of maps. Absolutely. Perhaps they knows me but not the other way round.
For the job attachment, I wonder i should go to hotel or convention management. -pondering-
Had my dinner not long ago from now. I realised i didn't have much knowledge about food restaurants in Singapore. I gotta update myself more on that. If not, when the guest enquiry me regarding this, i'll be dumbfounded.
Right now, i'm angry with him. He fails to heed my advice every now and then. Shall stop here. NItes people~!
san signs off. 5:10 PM
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Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Here I am working. Currently still rotting at Regent. Kekee.. Surprisingly I'm 'priviledged' enough to use the computer. =P If, of course, if i am a doorgirl, i won't have such once in a month's time (reason: i've only worked here for roughly 1mth) opportunity to do so. Hmm.. Learnt quite abit at the concierge yesterday. Lucky for me!! As the occupancy rate is merely 60+%, they are free till the extent to entertain me. Left with another 6days and i will be gone for good in regent. Am i happy about this point? Guess i am. No comments actually. Rather bored i should say. Wonder i am sprouting rubbish.. Just wanna keep myself occupied here. Practically, there is no guest at the counter. Else, i wouldn't be idling. Moreover, because i'm new, the people at the counter don't really chit-chat with me. They talked among themselves.
Another SIAN fact of the day. No more OT working hours for casual workers. It means my earning will be cut down. Saddened. Totally. Extremely. No choice. Orders from the top management, what to do. -Sighs-
I miss my darling~ Have no idea what's he busy with right now. No sms. No call. Nothing. Whenever he is occupied, i seem to be away from his mind. Pitiful cruel fact, isn't it?
san signs off. 7:35 PM
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Monday, June 21, 2004
I've heard before. There are 11 look alike people as you located all around the world. Astonished. Astounded when my daddy bought back Sunday's the New paper. The coverpage lady looks so much like me according to my whole family. It was YongCheng who saw it and claims that. He even mentioned that his mum woke him up early in the morning and the reason was she thought the gurl was really me!! I can't bring myself to believe it so wanted to see it on my own. How can you accept the reality someone resembles you, especially if she is of no blood relation with you at all. Amazing.
Let me show you the picture of this girl. She is an Australian-Chinese girl who prefers Singaporean guy as compared to westernized ones. They emphasized it was her charisma and the strength of her eyes that share resemblance with me. See it. What do you guys think?
The newpaper: 
VS 
Okies. So amusing. Kekeez.. Have a laugh at it!! =) Good day pEEps~~ ^_*
san signs off. 10:55 AM
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Sunday, June 20, 2004
MorniNz everybody~! Finally got done with the family stuff that had started since yesterday morning. Didn't attend the tennis club meeting. But it's alright 'coz most of the admin stuff was submitted already. =)
Today when i woke up, felt uneasy. Unexplainable feeling. Now it's better. Wonder what time he will reach here. Cant fathom what is his family thinking. He is already a mature adult, yet his movements are being restricted. *sighs* Gotta wait for his family activity to finish then he can come. Which will be rather late i reckon. His family never fail to piss me off. Sorry to mention that but it is true. *sighs again*
The reason by Hoobastank is an absolutely marvellous song piece not to miss. Meaningful and momentous keywords key phrases in the lyrics. it worth listening to. It carries a heavier weight for my case. The song's chorus goes.. "..The reason is you." There are changes in me after his existence in my life. Witnessed by my parents and him. Still stubborn in certain ways. That's my nature trademark. Impossible to change myself completely. If not, I will not be named Sandra Ong. He comprehends this point. Vice versa, he has tamed down his temper quite abit. I'm aware of that. Love you for everything.
Love is ironical. Love is mysterious. True Love can revolutionize everything about around in you. Love is miraculous. Love construct a heavenly paradise. Love is precious. Without Love, without True Love, without great lover, without you, everything means nothing to me.
Can't predict what thoughts are running in people's minds. Fool around with Love. Somehow in these people's hands, they have make Love loses its meaning. Crushes Love comes and goes. Puppy Love talks about momentary romance. Everlasting Love is meant to be cherished and stay forever. So people who are Casanovas or who whatever, please leave Love alone.
An e-mail. Read it.
My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant.
Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired.
He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage.
After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay?
After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?".
"I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly.
"If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff, and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?". His face grew troubled.
"Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me a answer straight away.
The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it...
"Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons....
You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but everytime you will end up in tears cause your formating will always go all over the place... I need my fingers, to do the formating for you, so your tears will become smiles.
You like to travel, but would always get lost... I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest places on earth.
Everytime you leave the house, you would always forget your keys... I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you.
You never knew how to take care of yourself... I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you.
So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find
someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you.
If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favourite muffin."
With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he
stood, with a extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to
say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me.
And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have...
san signs off. 10:52 AM
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Saturday, June 19, 2004
The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
My Darling Hubby~ I love You. This song dedicated for you. And Only You. Kisses!
san signs off. 10:48 PM
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Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)
See, I don't.. know why.. I liked you so much,
I gave you all of my trust..
I told you.. I loved you..
Now that's all down the drain..
You put me through pain..
I wanna let you know how I feel..
::CHORUS::
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, lthey didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
You thought.. you could.. Keep this shit from me..
Yeah, you burned bitch.. I heard the story..
You played me.. You even gave him head..
Now you're asking for me back..
You're just another hag..
Look elsewhere 'cause you're done with me..
::CHORUS::
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
You questioned.. Did I care?
You can ask anyone.. I even said you were my great one..
Now it's.. over..
But I do admit I'm sad..
It hurts real bad..
I can't sweat that cos I loved a hoe..
::CHORUS::
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
san signs off. 10:29 PM
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Hi pEeps!! I'm back here again. *smilEz*
This past one week might be a rollercoaster for some of my frezzies. For me, it's just another one week. You can guess it. I'm working. Arghhh~!!! Like a vase standing still at the door. Unless there is arrival for me to escort to the front desk if not i'll just be just there. Yap, right there. keKEz.. A good piece of news to share with you guys. Ying and I will be switching to concierge, business center, regent club, housekeeping for some learning sessions. *chuckles* Though the fact is we are left with another last 1week & 3days in Regent, i will still definitely try my very best to absorb every bit of knowledge taught. As much as i can. Beneficial to us in a way as we're having a hospitality course next coming semester.
Enough of the work updates. Both me and him was unhappie with each other since last night when he sent me home. No particular reason. Like every other dispute, it's a significantly memorable one. Tears, harsh words by both parties and alot more.. I don't know. I guess we are stressed up & exhausted that's why it somehow resulted to that. Of course, we are alright now. Haa.. "Ying, we are fine le!! mUacKss~"
Today went shopping with my mummy and daddy. Bought the most desired stuff for this holiday. BRAs. Contentment fills it all. Bought a top and skirt as well. Haven't been buying undergarments for ultra-ly long time. Till then i realised it cost a bomb!! Total up for that section already enough to make me live with bread and plain water for one whole week or more. Gosh~~!!! God has make the wisest choice to give me great loving parents. Especially my mummy. She will dote me so much and let me buy things i want when she knows it has been quite some while since i got something for myself. My daddy is good in other ways. Not in financial aspect for sure. hEe.. It's always liddat, isn't it? One best and one will be only better. Get what i mean? Hahaa.. Hope you do. =P Enjoyed today's shopping session..
Hmm.. Have a craving for Horfun. All thanks to Ying lahhhhh.. She knows what i mean. *winks* She cant tag on my board, can't figure out why. SiAnnnzzz... tomorrow deardear will buy that for me i guess. Craving. Craving. Craving. Food Topic leads me back to think about the food at Regent's Staff center catered by Rendezvous. i can tell you, a short simple word can say it all. SUX.
Overall, I had a fantastic saturday. A little weird to not have dearie with me the whole entire day. Can't wait for tomorrow to arrive.
To YuYing: No offence to comment on your past r/s. What's over is over. Just get over it in a positive way and get a life of yours very soon. My blessings to you. MuacKSs~!! In r/s, there may not be right or wrong. However, once it's ended, just say this to yourself. "I Don't Want You Back". The song is for you. =)
To Junie: Hows life cutie? Loooooooonnnnng time since i see you. Everything's fine for you yahh.. Take care and seeEya then. ^_* -HuggiEs & Kisses-
To Lei: Hows your genting trip? Great? A brand new experience there huh~~ =P
To Qiqi: wOah~! Where are you gUrl?? Never hear from you like.. hMmmm.. Since school holidays were here.. Enjoy your BIntan trip with gil they all. Have Fun!! MuackSs
To Monica: Hey gurl, howz ur chicken poxxie le? Did what i've told you? Don't be a glutton and get things worse!! =P kEkeezz.. Will seEya sOoon!! Visit you with foodie that you can eat. =) Take care!!
san signs off. 8:54 PM
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Accidentally In Love
So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love
Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love
So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love
Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love
These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no
Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love
Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love
We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love
Accidentally in love
Accidentally in love
Accidentally in love
Accidentally in love
Accidentally in love
Accidentally in love
Accidentally
I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally
I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally
Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her
Love... I'm in love
san signs off. 12:24 PM
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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Summer Sunshine
Everyone's changing, I stay the same
I'm… a solo cello outside a chor-us
I've got a secret,
It's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm
Just sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?
You tell me you have to go…
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
Now that you've left me, there's no retur-ning
I keep comparing, you're always win-ning
I try to be strong but you'll never be more wanted
Will you make me at home?
Don't tell me you have to go...
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
Ya da... ya da... ya da...
To sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back
Winter is coming and I need to stay warm
The heat.....
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody knows
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
Summer sunshine
sunshine sunshine...
(fade out)
san signs off. 11:18 AM
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Sunday, June 13, 2004
My Everything
The loneliness of nights alone
The search for strength to carry on
My every hope has seemed to die
My eyes had no more tears to cry
Then like the sun shines from up above
You surrounded me with your endless love
And all the things I couldn't see
Are now so clear to me
CHORUS
You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything
Now all my hopes and all my dreams
Are suddenly reality
You've opened up my heart to feel
A kind of love that's truly real
A guiding light that'll never fade
There's not a thing in life that I would ever trade
For the love you give it won't let go
I hope you'll always know
Chorus
Oh
You're the breath of life in me
The only one that sets me free
And you have made my soul complete for all time
For all time
Chorus
You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
down on bended knees
That you will always be
My everything, oh my everything
san signs off. 9:57 PM
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Revolving in my planet of happiness is the greatest thing to do. Yesterday was a long day for me. Ying as well i surmise. We woke up prematurely early to create a surprise for our sweeties. The menu list was as follow.
Appetizer: Smashed potatoes with cheese & Chicken Mayonnaise.Crabmeat and Prawns were added for Sandra and Ying respectively.
Main Dish: Italian Spaghetti with tomato pasta sauce.Hotdogs, sliced chickens, crabmeats, canned mushrooms and butter was used in the cooking to append more colours and tastes to the whole dish.
Dessert: Fruits dipped in white chocolate fudge. Strawberries, bananas, mango, kiwis and canned peaches.
Did i leave out any food ingredients? Hope not. Appetizing isn't it? Every details of this menu was well-taken of. Even the pasta gravy and white chocolate fudge we cooked it on our own though there are ready made ones out there. All the dishes have one more extra element in them. That's our love.
It was a bolt from the blue when YongCheng saw it. The food was packaged into different boxes. I took them out one by one. He was stunned. Wow he goes.. Later on we watched Harry Potter3 together with my youngest brother. Ate durians and kfc after that. He and I gave my dad a series of VCDs for the Father's Day too.
Forgetful of me. Deserve a big knock on my head. Finish cooking those food, the thought of reserving a little for my dad was slipped out. Luckily, my dear reminded me while we were on the bike. None of hesitation. The first thing i got home, a plate of the spaghetti was served to my dad. pHEw~ In the night, my dad was on his duty at work. My mum revealed to us that my dad called her once i stepped out of the house to meet YC. He said, "ah ger went out le.. She brought all the food that she has cooked out.. Nothing was left for me lohh.." So heartpain of me to hear that. Thank goodness hubby had that in mind. If not, so infilial of me. To repent on that, before my dad came back from work this morning, I cooked him a plate of Ai Xin Fried Rice. Made use of healthy ingredients. No msg. No salt. No chicken fatty skin. As my dad got a little of high blood pressure so have to be cautious with his diet.
Due to family issue, YC can't accompany me today. It's alright. I need a rest before i start work again. Tomorrow it's my first morning shift. Big shot is coming that's why Ying and me need to be there. Owner of Four Seasons Corporation. 7am start. Gosh! 5am has to be up. Heee.. But I'm rather excited. Gonna watch The Day after Tomorrow with him and my 2 brothers after work. Hope the show is not a disappointment.
Abit upset. Just a very mild one. My SPTC friends are going for prata feast for supper. 11.15pm meeting time. Obviously i can't join. Anyway they will have fun. Long time since the last outing with them. What to do. Work Lover Friends Tennis. I can't have all of them. So be it. In my heart, they are always there. To them, i'm not sure. It will be good if the same goes for them. =)
Oh yah~ Before i forget again. The surprise for ying. Food was all her favourites. YumYum, Strawberry flavoured Hello Panda, Strawberry flavoured Poky. And a short note for her. Wrote it while i was standing at the door. BUT in return, she got me a cheesecake. Argghhh!! kEKEeez.. I never see it until she told me which was when i'm off duty and was at chinatown having my supper with YC. U-turned back to get it. Blessingly, it was still there. *smiles*
For my dear. I love you with all my heart. More than what I can give. No matter what happens, I'll be by your side to be your mental supporting pillar. Never give up. Never say NO. Everyone can step over you. Rest assured that the person can never be me. MuAckSs
san signs off. 8:40 PM
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Friday, June 11, 2004
Hey everybody!! I'm back to my usual self *smilEz*
Credits to:
Sim Ying Ying
Wilson Fong
Ying is such a solicitous lady. This gurl read my blog before the sky breaks dawn i reckoned. Again, so there was food for me in the baggage room (kinda resting place for us while on duty). =) Initially, i thought it was just merely a few hershey's chocolate so didn't went to check it out. After having my dinner break, the first thing that i've done was to have a look what's in the plastic bag as Ying said in the call that i gotta see it.
A surprise for me.
Kitkat chunky, Hello Panda and tapoica chillis in addition with one packet of tissue and a letter. So touched. In split second i thought i was going to tear until someone walked in. Hahaaa.. There goes my flow. Conclusion. Millions of thanks to you, my friend! I did a little surprise for her as well. Don't know she will like the food that is bought for her very last minute. Shan't say it here yet. Wait till she sees it then i reveal.
I requested to work till 10pm today. The original reason was due to my quarrel with him. Wanted to go home earlier so that it won't be that dark and errie down the street to Orchard MRT. BUT like the story always goes, we made up before i reached my workplace and started work.
Met him after work. I teared. Over and over again. His hugs made me realise how fortunate i was. Ying told me i gotta adjust my attitude towards him. Shouldn't always making a fuss out of nothing. I'm aware of that. In the process to. It's slow though but i'm trying. He knows that.
He jokingly said,"You so bad.. .. .. always got bullied by you.. .." This uncomplicating sentence triggered my eyes to get wet once. Felt so awful. Undescribly he spotted my weakness. Any onlooker can see that his effort put into our relationship and things that he has done for me is far from what i've tried. And of course, me being the involved party i knows it the best. Seriously, i'm more than grateful. His love is always unconditionally there for me. Looking back into my past, i've never feel so good before.
"Good things seemed to be very far.", i said to him.
"But that was already in the past. B'coz you have me." , he looked into my eyes. I love you dear. I really do.
Yawns. I'm so tired. Still have to wake up earlier tomorrow to get money for erwin. okokie.. Time to visit my lalaland!~
san signs off. 12:44 AM
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Thursday, June 10, 2004
Not a fantastic day. Remembered yesterday i mentioned about this French guest? Yup, this is the most disheartening part of the day. He left early in the morning 0615h. I am at fault come to think about it. I didn't clarify the departure time. Never have the chance to take photo with him either. Disappointing.
Listening to MLTR's Take Me To Your Heart right now.. A gush of saddening emotions ran over me. Don't wish to bring the matter up. Disputes over the same old issue. We are not meant to be? It may be so. If he is the one, why am i hurt every now and then? Thousand and one question marks. When my ears absorbed, "why should i ... when you are not my laopo yet?", instant mood change. He has nothing wrong in saying that. I'm only his gf. He can always make a switch if he wants to. My heart is crying. Because i thought he has treated me as his wife all the while. Dazing into the music. Numb.
I am scared of making a wrong choice in life. Seemingly minor mistake may end up to a grave consequence in life. So have i make a wrong turn? Sighs.. Strengthless to consider that. Decisions. I hate it. No need reason to justify it. I just detest the hesitation. Do you? That's me. Always got held back in the process. Right and Wrong. A line apart, yet it does a difference.
Got pisssed at work today. What a day hUh~ Shitty one..!! Ying bought a hello panda chocolate flavoured one and donuts for me. And guess what?? Someone/SomeoneS ate the hello panda. Pathetic one piece was left!! I bought cinnamon pastries. Wanted to gave it to YongCheng. THEN. The someone ate 2 mouth of each pastry and leave it in the box which was disfigured. Only till then, my bell captain alerted me. We gotta put our names on the foodie. Gosh~ Can you believe it. Sucky day.
Dreadful days. No consolation from him. I beg you, if it is the end mark a clear fullstop there. Just there. Sighs again.
san signs off. 12:06 AM
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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
My Tuesday's work has ended not long ago from now. Looking back, I've been standing at Regent's main entrance for more than half a month.. Me myself finds it fasSt~~ Got myself one more close buddy. YingYing. She's a confidante of mine. I can share with her everything. You name it. Craps. Opinions. Personal. Past. Love. Everything. Thoughtful of her to ease my hunger at work. Buying food for me just in case my tummy groans. Great isn't she. 
A big hug for YOU.
Before the clock strike 2300h, one of the hotel guest told me he's flying back to France tomorrow at 1815h. My first day at work is also his first day in Singapore. He left a deep impression in my head. And if you ask me why is this so, i don't quite have a clue. Perhaps his friendliness towards me and i feel more comfortable when he speaks to me. Hmm.. That may make up the reason. Anyway I've decided to buy him Old Chang Kee's currypuff before i go to work and pass it to him before he leaves Regent. Rather ridiculous of me to do that rite~ still, my heart tells me so. i shall follow orders from my heart. Gonna miss this guest~!! The ironical thing, I am not aware of his name at all. It doesn't matter i guess =P
Bought Ying some sushi today.. Felt bad that she bought foodie for me twice and i've not do it yet. Hope she likes it =) Gave my dear Japanese MuachiS, hEe.. Me n Ying each ate one. Red bean paste filling. Delicious~ YummYummY!! I can see from hubby's face that he likes it though he gave me one more and ate the rest. ^_^
Missed him so much when i was working. He missed me too. Can he sense my yearness to see him? Not too sure about that. But anyways, I love you.
Unhappiness. We might bump into it everyday. It's an irritating fact. No doubts. However, you just need to put it behind you and live a happier day. Don't glum but SMILE . A smile brightens a day. Dont't torture yourself and make life miserable. Be happy or not, you have a choice. Decide to smile? Or cry? Or frown? Make your choice pEepS~!
"Hey people! Smile like Us"
san signs off. 12:11 AM
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Sunday, June 06, 2004
Peace.
You Truly Desire Peace. Just relaxing somewhere calm with a light breeze against your cheecks is our ideal of pefect. You don't like to start fights, but instead, end them without using violence.
What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla
san signs off. 10:19 PM
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BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS.
You need distance between you and your partner in your relationship. You are very difficult to get. You have big requirements and this one you love must try hard to get you. But after he melt your heart he will be the most happy person in the world. You need someone who shoes you that you are special and it makes you feel good to see that you are loved. He shall know that you could easily get another boyfriend but you wont as long as you love him. When he hurts you you will hurt him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If your partner cheated you, you would react cold and immediately (try to) forget him.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
Took this from Ling's bloggie. Love to do all these quizzes. It may make u understand urself alil better when you seem to be in a dilemma.
san signs off. 9:36 PM
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Saturday, June 05, 2004
Can anyone understand my inner thoughts and feelings right now? Feel like letting go. that's the hint my heart had dropped. Ambiguousity aroused. i'm having a qualm. is everything coming to an end? or should i put it in this wae. every good thing has an ending. no such thing as everlasting. i'm uncertain of the future. though i've pictured myself and him along the long path ahead of us, i still have to face the music. no matter how beautiful you've imagined the future to be, at the end of the day it is only an unrealistic idealistic form of illusion. i need not hide the truth. Trepidation of each tomorrow . Feelings fade.
"Will your love for me persevere?"
If your heart is no longer with me, i'm the culprit. i'll blame no one else but me myself. i'm selfish especially when you are around like you've always commented. have not managed to get an answer for that.
Yesterday was with YingYing for more than 12hours. Chatted for unexpectedly long hours. hahaaa.. Amazing, isn't it? we mentioned one part about our bfs. terrible feeling when i got some cow sense into me. i've been ill-treating him. *glums* We knocked off at roughly at 0100h as there was a grand function held in The Regent - The Mercedes Ball. And you know gurls.. We dragged here abit and there abit. So by the time we were home, most of the people are already in their dreamlands. My dear gave me a surprise. He appeared at the hotel entrance and sent me home. Initially, we agreed on me going back by the provided transport since it'll be very late. In the end, he came. Of course, i'm happy. Appreciate it as well. However, i'm thinking.. Do i deserve it? Do i worth his effort. Am i the right gurl for him? Will he be my final destinated partner? Will he love me juz as much as now as time passes?
I can see his symtoms of jadeness. If things continue to head in this direction. I predict the ending will be not long from now. I don't wish to drive on to this dead end. But do i have a choice? Am i the one holding on to the steering wheel?
He has called me a few minutes ago. I won't get to see him tomorrow. His family idea again. Tears wet my eyes. Rolling down uncontrolleably. He knows. Yet, he failed to fathom why i cried. He feels that i'm throwing some ridiculous temper on him. He don't understand. I miss him alot. *signs*
san signs off. 11:16 PM
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004
my deAriE juz left my houSe.. juz now i was so annoyed.. had an arguement wif him.. luckily we've patched up alr.. shant elaborate on wat was the pick-up topic of the HEAT as long as it's alrite now..
there are doubts appearing in my mind constantly.. it's a hazardous sign to let doubts standing side by side in a relationship.. whu isnt aware of dis fact? i guess almst everyone noes it inside out.. but i cant help my thoughts to go wild.. im scare of running out of Tête-à-tête's topics wen im wif him.. yEp, d fact is we are not meeting such problem currently.. nevertheless the worries still reside.. occasionally i do wonder is the problem lying on mi or him? am i too sensitive? expectation set too high? or has he had a change of attitude towards mi? i rather accept mi being the hiding fault.. in a wae or another, the usual assumption will b mi.. isnt it? yeah.. i gotta confess my full-time unreasonable-ness to him..
face the reality: YOU NEED HIM & HE NEEDS YOU
had delifrance wif him.. we made an agreement.. it goes -- "must not spend so much dis wk, so u cum to my place den we can save on dat.." hahaaa.. but mission impossible again.. yuMmy.. lip-smacking potato gratin for mi, salivatious pasta gratin for him.. add on wif 2 peach tarts.. 2 peach tea.. 1 chicken mayonnaise sandwich.. wOooo~~ Our dinner for todae.. wise of mi to request for an off-dae on this Vesak dae hUhh ^_^
san signs off. 11:27 PM
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finally i got myself an one&onli blOg dat is copyrighted by SandraOng.. oOopSss =X im thrilled!! of courSe i cant do it alone *it's like dUh~~!! rite* i shall proclaim.. aHEm@@!!! let's gif a round of applause to miSs LING she is brilliant!! im speechless.. thanx for her readiness in lending a hand to her frEns wen they are in need of her.. hMmm.. blogging wise? not too sure abt dat, but i reckon she is willing to if u are keen to enquire ^_* non-stop searching for blogskins dat are of my preference.. demanding of mi =P kept on requesting for mre.. keKEz.. -patiEnce- hahaa.. or she is too freE, sum may sae dat.. but no matter wat it is, thankiEs!!
*muAckSs* "dun forget gUrl, we haf a session together dis sat at my plAce"
cant wait for it to approach.. *lingering*
my past archives
san signs off. 4:05 PM
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